We're into week 6 now,the last week of respite,I can't believe it's gone so quickly! I visited Eddie this morning with my daughter,it's still the usual walking up and down all the time,asking have I come to take him home,have I got a lighter etc.While I was there I had a call from social services,an appt tomorrow at the care home with me and Eddie at 2pm.This is it I'm thinking,the decision that will change our lives forever🥲All I'm thinking is that I can't have him at home again and I can't go through that 1st day when I took him to the carehome.I'm hoping he can stay where he is but I don't think they will keep him,he won't socialise or join in with any activities,I really don't know what to expect but we'll see what they have to say,I'm trying not to stress too much but at least they'll see how he really is🤞
Care home latest....
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
- Start date
Lots of people don't socialise or join in with activities. That shouldn't be a reason not to keep him.
You must say really clearly that you can't look after your husband any more. If you hesitate or are ambivalent SS may try to return him home. Be firm. Caring for your husband at home was breaking you.
You must say really clearly that you can't look after your husband any more. If you hesitate or are ambivalent SS may try to return him home. Be firm. Caring for your husband at home was breaking you.
Good Luck @sunshine chrissy. Thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sure you will let us know what happens. and fingers crossed for a good outcome.
Hi @sunshine chrissy , not socialising won’t be a reason for the home not to be suitable for your husband. Homes are used to having a variety of residents and they seem to have coped with his need to keep walking so far. I assume as well as you and the social worker someone from the home will be present. Haven’t they already said that they didn’t know how you were coping at home, so I’m sure they’ll be saying a return home isn’t in his best interests.
It might be worth writing down a bullet pointed statement of all the behaviours that your husband was displaying at home, making it clear that he now needs more support than you can give. It’s all too easy to forget a vital point in a meeting.
It might be worth writing down a bullet pointed statement of all the behaviours that your husband was displaying at home, making it clear that he now needs more support than you can give. It’s all too easy to forget a vital point in a meeting.
Thinking of you today
OH doesnt join in activities either, but the home that he has been into for respite have told me that they would be happy to have him when he needs permanent residential care.
Sarasa has given good advice. I hope the meeting goes well. Be very firm in saying that you cannot have him back.
OH doesnt join in activities either, but the home that he has been into for respite have told me that they would be happy to have him when he needs permanent residential care.
Sarasa has given good advice. I hope the meeting goes well. Be very firm in saying that you cannot have him back.
Hi @sunshine chrissy, please don't worry about your husband not socialising or joining in as they won't factor that in as an issue. My husband has been in a dementia home for 3 months now he joins in more than he did but still often tells them to "**** off". He also has days where he thunders up and down all day but he is becoming more settled. You will probably be surprised at their assessment of how he's getting on especially when you are not there. My husband took a radiator cover off the wall with his zimmer frame and they still told me he's a lovely man and doing really well so try not to worry too much.
The other thing I have noted is they are over tuned in to your emotions so my husband who doesn't always remember who I am will often say you are sad today so try and stay absolutely neutral. I know its really hard.
The last thing is the decision is for the long term, all of our OH's have progressive conditions, there are no cures so if his care is not manageable now it will be less so in 6 months.
Best of luck
The other thing I have noted is they are over tuned in to your emotions so my husband who doesn't always remember who I am will often say you are sad today so try and stay absolutely neutral. I know its really hard.
The last thing is the decision is for the long term, all of our OH's have progressive conditions, there are no cures so if his care is not manageable now it will be less so in 6 months.
Best of luck
Thank you all so much for replying,it's really helped me.The social worker who phoned seemed to know all about his behaviour at home,she's obviously in contact with Lucy our mental health nurse who knows everything we've been going through this last 6 months.Here's hoping things go well later🤞
@sunshine chrissy hope everything goes well today. You couldn’t go back to how things were before.
I’ll be thinking about you x
I’ll be thinking about you x
Well things went well today with the social worker! I had everything ready to put my case as it were,didn't need to,no mention of home care,door locks,sensor alarms etc! She said she'd seen Tracy the manager and she would be happy to keep him there,they all love him even Teddy the resident dog! So from 1st Dec he'll be in permanent care there! I feel like a cloud has been lifted,he's been there almost 6 weeks now,they've got used to him pacing day and night and they can happily cope with it.This means so much to me,I don't drive and it's only a 15 min walk away but to tell me today that he's a lovely man and they're happy for him to stay with them,it meant the absolute world to me.Of course I wish things were different but they're not,it's out of my hands now,there's no going back to the life we had but today has helped in coming to terms with it.I can't tell you how much it lifted me to hear they all love him❤️
That's a really good outcome Chrissy and I'm so glad for you - and rather envious too, I have to say. Pick up your life again, knowing that your husband is safe, being cared for and in the best place for both of you. xx
Excellent news! Hopefully now you can slowly wind down and get into a routine that means you can visit at times that are convenient to you but that allow you to forge a new life outlook for yourself.
That is exactly the outcome you want @sunshine chrissy . I’m so pleased for you. In time the care home will feel like an extension of your own home as you get to know the staff and other residents better and your husband gradually starts to settle.
What a brilliant outcome for you. I think we all like to hear such positive news when it’s a difficult time.
I am so pleased you got a good outcome today and I am sure you will find he will settle more. My husband,now 3 months in the Nursing Home, now rarely does the pacing up and down. Good staff see behind the disease and work on understanding and knowing the person.
Try and take some time for you now. All the time we are in fight mode takes another big toll on our health and wellbeing
Good news @sunshine chrissy
How lovely that the home have had the time and care to see beyond the pacing and get to know your husband’s true character- especially as they weren’t sure in the beginning.
I do hope as he settles you are able to enjoy some visits and rebuild some relational time together xx
How lovely that the home have had the time and care to see beyond the pacing and get to know your husband’s true character- especially as they weren’t sure in the beginning.
I do hope as he settles you are able to enjoy some visits and rebuild some relational time together xx
Im so pleased with this outcome.
It sounds a lovely place, they all like him, he wont need to move and its close enough for you to visit easily.
Its just perfect
x
It sounds a lovely place, they all like him, he wont need to move and its close enough for you to visit easily.
Its just perfect
x
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