Removing husband from care home ?

[Boutinette]

You deflect them however you can. It will a lot harder mentally and physically to cope with him at home 24 hours a day than to put up with his requests to come home while you are visiting and can walk away after a few hours!
What will you do if you get him home and the carers don’t turn up or don’t come at the time expected? They could be inexperienced and not capable of using a hoist. What will you do when once hoisted out of bed your husband needs changing or wants to go back to bed and carers aren’t due for another couple of hours?
I think the pressure you currently feel because of his constant requests to “go home” is minimal compared to caring for him at home. He isn’t getting CHC funding for nothing!

Doesn’t one have to assume that carers are qualified and capable of using a hoist ?
Otherwise , I agree with you
It does sound challenging
I am just trying to think what’s best for him but it’s a nightmare

 

[Jools1402]

This is horrible for you - and him - I think everyone on here "gets" that. But the very simple fact is you do not have POA - you are not in a position to make decisions about his health and welfare. If you were to try to take him home and it was deemed that he didn't have capacity to decide for himself what was best for him then his continuing care is completely out of your hands. He must have quite serious problems to be getting CHC - so it is unlikely that permission would be given for you to take him home. You could get into serious trouble if you decided to do so. I'm sorry.

 

[Boutinette]

As advised above, keep telling ‘love lies’, deflect, change the subject.

As might be expected this is very common amongst folks with dementia. Who wouldn’t want to go back to more familiar surroundings, or - more likely - a time and place in the past which was less frightening and confusing.

But the reality is that his needs have outstripped his wants, which if you step back, you will see that you really couldn’t meet at home, even with a team of carers.

I do feel for you, as do others here. It’s a terribly upsetting situation but not unusual and you’re not alone in your feelings. My family went through it with my Mum when she was temporarily in hospital, and only ten days of her demands to come home, brought my father to his knees. The rest of us found it easier to rationalise, as she needed to be in hospital for investigations into a suspected heart attack, but it broke my poor Dad’s heart. We do understand what you’re facing and how upsetting it is.

Thank you for your kind words and practical observations too

 

[ChaceSoto]

Oh, I sympathize with your situation. If your husband is receiving funding through CHC, it is important to consider that this may be due to his current condition and need for specialist care.

 

[Boutinette]

This is horrible for you - and him - I think everyone on here "gets" that. But the very simple fact is you do not have POA - you are not in a position to make decisions about his health and welfare. If you were to try to take him home and it was deemed that he didn't have capacity to decide for himself what was best for him then his continuing care is completely out of your hands. He must have quite serious problems to be getting CHC - so it is unlikely that permission would be given for you to take him home. You could get into serious trouble if you decided to do so. I'm sorry.

Sorry but what do you mean by ‘ serious trouble’?

 

[Sarasa]

I'm sure @Jools1402 will be along soon to explain, but from what you've said I really think things wouldn't improve. Ask your husband for more details about home and what he thinks life there will be like. As others have said he might not be referring to your home at all, and even if he is he'll soon be just as unhappy there as it the care home. I'm afraid it is the nature of the disease.
You've been given some good ideas about how to deflect the conversation. If they don't work, maybe don't visit for a few days and see if that breaks the cycle.

 

[SherwoodSue]

Mother in law fooled all the medics. She HAS capacity they said
Bullied everyone to get her home
Agreed to everything in the care plan just get me home !

Once she got home she had a dicky fit !!
Why is there a hospital bed in the middle of the lounge

What’s all that clutter (hoist)!!!

Phoned family.
Tell carer to come back I have decided I do want a wee after all Carer just left mum. Next one comes in four hours, just like you said was do able

In the end district nurses put her on an adult at risk register

The whole set up was unrealistic from the start

But the patient has capacity!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bod]

Doesn’t one have to assume that carers are qualified and capable of using a hoist ?
Otherwise , I agree with you
It does sound challenging
I am just trying to think what’s best for him but it’s a nightmare

Care companies pay not much, if anything above National Minimum Wage, often don't pay traveling time between calls.
Getting and retaining staff is a constant uphill fight for them.
The company may have a few "trained and experienced" staff, but there is a real chance they will not be regularly sent to you.
As said already, a morning visit, could be any time between 7am 11.30am, lunch 10.30-3pm etc.
They don't come "on call" when you need them, but at their convenience.
Such is the world of Care at Home.
Sorry to be the bringer of bad tidings, the advice given by others, may not be what you want hear, however the voices of experience have spoken.

Bod