Care for the Carer !

[carolynp]

Good start to the week. I contacted the Council when I found no Council Tax had been taken. I have had an issue going back several months over a reduction. However none will be taken until Next April and a balance of over payments given as a refund via the bank. I have already spent the mentally as having building work done so can afford the final touches.
The sunroom is coming on, have any of you you had any experience of window film, I know there are various privacy ones and solar ones. It would keep it cooler in summer warmer in winter. Has any one tried these.
The reduction in CT each month means a bit of help with the chores, so need to hunt down a flexible cleaner. So started the week on a positive note.

Hi, @AliceA re window film. An architect friend put it on and is very happy but it’s still new. His is for privacy. I had heard though that they can peel and then be - naturally! - impossible to get off. But this was some years ago and the film may have improved.

For myself, I wouldn’t do it unless it was essential. If it’s an optional thing, I’d be inclined not to go that extra step.

 

[pixie2]

I worry that I might overspend on clothes etc to overcompensate like comfort eating. Anyone else worried about stuff like that

 

[carolynp]

I worry that I have might overspend on clothes etc to overcompensate like comfort eating. Anyone else worried about stuff like that

Hi @pixie2 yes I for one worry about both these issues and this last year or so, since my husband’s diagnosis, I have succumbed frequently to both dysfunctional methods of compensation. I can’t go away alone as I used to do and I overspend on internet clothes as well as wildly overeating my favourite chocolate that I’ve also ordered online. None of this helps me. The guilt is awful of course, the wardrobe gets too crowded, and the chocolate helps only momentarily with mood. Overall these methods of pseudo self help are disastrous! Don’t be tempted!

 

[maryjoan]

I see I am not the only one, then! We do need comfort, and when we feel so alone too........ I have a friend coming to visit today whom I have not seen for years - bringing her husband ( also PWD) but it should be good - and tomorrow, I am off with another friend for a cream tea - she was given a CT for two for Mother's Day and it expires next week, so we thought we would indulge!
Sad that a very pretty tree that has been shading my garden nicely has gone down with Dutch Elm disease - my son who is a tree surveyor saw it yesterday and confirmed it - poor tree. It's on Parish land, so have told the Parish Council, not sure what they need to do, if anything.

 

[AliceA]

Hi, @AliceA re window film. An architect friend put it on and is very happy but it’s still new. His is for privacy. I had heard though that they can peel and then be - naturally! - impossible to get off. But this was some years ago and the film may have improved.

For myself, I wouldn’t do it unless it was essential. If it’s an optional thing, I’d be inclined not to go that extra step.

Since I posted I have spoken to two firms, one has a 12 yr Guarantee, the other says he would late it off if not what expected. This film is semi privacy during the day on can look out as normal, does not work at night with a different light balance. Still looking though.

 

[AliceA]

Hi @pixie2 yes I for one worry about both these issues and this last year or so, since my husband’s diagnosis, I have succumbed frequently to both dysfunctional methods of compensation. I can’t go away alone as I used to do and I overspend on internet clothes as well as wildly overeating my favourite chocolate that I’ve also ordered online. None of this helps me. The guilt is awful of course, the wardrobe gets too crowded, and the chocolate helps only momentarily with mood. Overall these methods of pseudo self help are disastrous! Don’t be tempted!

Certainly is tempting to compensate. I miss the activities we use to do. We were members of the u3a. We had many interests, I have found Ted Talks is an alternative, a coffee machine for frothy coffee. Dark bitter chocolate, lessens the amount needed.
I am on Dropby a site that gave links but unfortunately that is struggling because it is not technically supported the server changed hands or something, it may suddenly fail.
It was good for non Dementia things, banter, news of the mundane events that are our lifeblood.
It started when Mary Baker's mother in law became house bound. It was/is a good model of shared jokes, music and many interest groups. It is sad the site is unstable. Some sites are too American, this was UK based. It would be good it a stable tech setup took it on. It was very private and secure.
This chat group is good though. It would be good if something like Talking
Point or a Carers organisation could take Dropby on. I have a few email friends via it.
Clothes can be a real addiction, there is a movement to less but better quality. I am going for easy care, I do not have ironing time! I am tackling a drawer or shelf at a time to declutter.
We can get fearful about letting go of what no longer fits of suits us. I am gradually letting go of those clothes that no longer serve my current lifestyle. Project 33 is interesting, not for all but a few pointers.
What an excuse if my life expands again! What an excuse if I declutter my weight

 

[maryjoan]

Perhaps this thread could be a 'Drop by' maybe...... perhaps.

Where I live there is a path that cuts through from one road to another. The hedge of our garden forms one boundary along part of it.

The path is used by the youngsters going to the local primary school. Often as I sit here at the computer, or in the garden, I overhear some of the conversations - especially the ones where the children are giving very good reasons, they think, as to why they shouldn't go to school today.

I have missed them during the summer, but today they are back!!

Just heard one Dad doing a very funny impression of the 'new' teacher whose class his child was going to for the first time!

I have also heard a " if you don't hurry up NOW I am going to pull you along by your ears!"

I remember taking one of mine to school in his pyjamas because he wouldn't get dressed - he only did it once!

 

[canary]

Sad that a very pretty tree that has been shading my garden nicely has gone down with Dutch Elm disease - my son who is a tree surveyor saw it yesterday and confirmed it - poor tree. It's on Parish land, so have told the Parish Council, not sure what they need to do, if anything.

Sadly it will have to be cut down and burned to prevent the disease spreading to other trees

I remember the ravages of Dutch Elm disease in the 70s - so many beautiful trees lost

 

[carolynp]

Perhaps this thread could be a 'Drop by' maybe...... perhaps.

Where I live there is a path that cuts through from one road to another. The hedge of our garden forms one boundary along part of it.

The path is used by the youngsters going to the local primary school. Often as I sit here at the computer, or in the garden, I overhear some of the conversations - especially the ones where the children are giving very good reasons, they think, as to why they shouldn't go to school today.

I have missed them during the summer, but today they are back!!

Just heard one Dad doing a very funny impression of the 'new' teacher whose class his child was going to for the first time!

I have also heard a " if you don't hurry up NOW I am going to pull you along by your ears!"

I remember taking one of mine to school in his pyjamas because he wouldn't get dressed - he only did it once!

So lovely @maryjoan, you’ve brightened my afternoon. Yes, I Dropped By!

I’ve realised my tiredness and aches must be a virus so I’m sitting in my favourite chair with two hot water bottles, my iPad and a good book.

It’s been raining heavily on and off all day but now the afternoon sun is out and a ray or two is finding its way into this room. It’s freshly painted so I don’t have to look at the cracks, at least not till they re-emerge.

May those who are engaged in the mini renovations I’ve just completed take heart. There is an end to them, and it is GOOD.

 

[AliceA]

So lovely @maryjoan, you’ve brightened my afternoon. Yes, I Dropped By!

I’ve realised my tiredness and aches must be a virus so I’m sitting in my favourite chair with two hot water bottles, my iPad and a good book.

It’s been raining heavily on and off all day but now the afternoon sun is out and a ray or two is finding its way into this room. It’s freshly painted so I don’t have to look at the cracks, at least not till they re-emerge.

May those who are engaged in the mini renovations I’ve just completed take heart. There is an end to them, and it is GOOD.

Mary Baker may have secured the name Dropby. She offered free access and still does. It may be worth looking to see how she set it up. I am sure she would be very helpful, she has a keen and active interest in now what was the word it begins with D! I know there was a university connection of some kind. It's purpose is to combat loneliness, it has succeeded well. The failing platform was tied into the new data laws although she herself had security pretty well tied up. It may be courteous to alter the name a bit, perhaps Popin, as in pop in for a virtual hug, cup of tea, coffee, laugh etc etc. It her site could be transferred over in some way that could be beneficial.
I am not a lonely person by nature, I can chat to strangers as I go about life. But my is this a lonely situation to be in, my email friends, Talking Point and Dropby are life savers. I seldom get to go out these days. If I had a sitter I have no transport to pursue former interests. Once when I was house bound I did a one to one Art History course that led to more. When I could get out I visited exhibitions and joined an art appreciation society.
I think it so important to keep the curiosity alive for our own mental well being.

 

[AliceA]

So lovely @maryjoan, you’ve brightened my afternoon. Yes, I Dropped By!

I’ve realised my tiredness and aches must be a virus so I’m sitting in my favourite chair with two hot water bottles, my iPad and a good book.

It’s been raining heavily on and off all day but now the afternoon sun is out and a ray or two is finding its way into this room. It’s freshly painted so I don’t have to look at the cracks, at least not till they re-emerge.

May those who are engaged in the mini renovations I’ve just completed take heart. There is an end to them, and it is GOOD.

Good to be reminded, I am sure my plans will pay off but so many minor decisions as well as the larger ones.
Enjoy the results x

 

[maryjoan]

Sadly, we have to rent, and are not allowed to decorate or renovate - and the landlord doesn't maintain the property either !!

But 'nil desperandum' as they say. New rugs, cushions, bright towels, candles, flowers, etc all make a difference to how we feel. And the garden, which idiosyncratically, we have to maintain, is a pleasure to me !!! I have reported the elm tree to the village council and, will feel sad when it is taken down.

 

[maryjoan]

Mary Baker may have secured the name Dropby. She offered free access and still does. It may be worth looking to see how she set it up. I am sure she would be very helpful, she has a keen and active interest in now what was the word it begins with D! I know there was a university connection of some kind. It's purpose is to combat loneliness, it has succeeded well. The failing platform was tied into the new data laws although she herself had security pretty well tied up. It may be courteous to alter the name a bit, perhaps Popin, as in pop in for a virtual hug, cup of tea, coffee, laugh etc etc. It her site could be transferred over in some way that could be beneficial.
I am not a lonely person by nature, I can chat to strangers as I go about life. But my is this a lonely situation to be in, my email friends, Talking Point and Dropby are life savers. I seldom get to go out these days. If I had a sitter I have no transport to pursue former interests. Once when I was house bound I did a one to one Art History course that led to more. When I could get out I visited exhibitions and joined an art appreciation society.
I think it so important to keep the curiosity alive for our own mental well being.

I did Art History at school, and it has stayed with me as a life long love. One of the highlights of my life was seeing Michelangelo's Pieta in the Sistine Chapel - still moves me to tears.

 

[AliceA]

Perhaps this thread could be a 'Drop by' maybe...... perhaps.

Where I live there is a path that cuts through from one road to another. The hedge of our garden forms one boundary along part of it.

The path is used by the youngsters going to the local primary school. Often as I sit here at the computer, or in the garden, I overhear some of the conversations - especially the ones where the children are giving very good reasons, they think, as to why they shouldn't go to school today.

I have missed them during the summer, but today they are back!!

Just heard one Dad doing a very funny impression of the 'new' teacher whose class his child was going to for the first time!

I have also heard a " if you don't hurry up NOW I am going to pull you along by your ears!"

I remember taking one of mine to school in his pyjamas because he wouldn't get dressed - he only did it once!

I did Art History at school, and it has stayed with me as a life long love. One of the highlights of my life was seeing Michelangelo's Pieta in the Sistine Chapel - still moves me to tears.

I love the different view of history such as Goya's work. Turns my heart over.

 

[Helly68]

I love that as an idea - we should tell Monty Don and he can put it on Gardeners World, and maybe everyone will start doing it.......

On another tack - does any one else feed hedgehogs? Most I have had in the garden at once is 5, but most nights see 2 or 3 around the food dish......

My Dad and a friend rescue injured hedgehogs. Sadly they often get injuries from strimming and lawnmower incidents but can be care for, in safe gardens with support from humans

 

[carolynp]

My Dad and a friend rescue injured hedgehogs. Sadly they often get injuries from strimming and lawnmower incidents but can be care for, in safe gardens with support from humans

Sadly no hedgehogs where I live. We have an owl, though. I never see him but I hear him at night at this time of year especially. And parrots, of course - we have lots of parrots! Up at the wildflower reserve too there are blue tongued lizards, actually skinks, quite a size, about ten inches to a foot long. They move ponderously and look so ancient, as though they’ve been here since time began.

 

[Lindy50]

Mary Baker may have secured the name Dropby. She offered free access and still does. It may be worth looking to see how she set it up. I am sure she would be very helpful, she has a keen and active interest in now what was the word it begins with D! I know there was a university connection of some kind. It's purpose is to combat loneliness, it has succeeded well. The failing platform was tied into the new data laws although she herself had security pretty well tied up. It may be courteous to alter the name a bit, perhaps Popin, as in pop in for a virtual hug, cup of tea, coffee, laugh etc etc. It her site could be transferred over in some way that could be beneficial.
I am not a lonely person by nature, I can chat to strangers as I go about life. But my is this a lonely situation to be in, my email friends, Talking Point and Dropby are life savers. I seldom get to go out these days. If I had a sitter I have no transport to pursue former interests. Once when I was house bound I did a one to one Art History course that led to more. When I could get out I visited exhibitions and joined an art appreciation society.
I think it so important to keep the curiosity alive for our own mental well being.

Hi @AliceA
I could have written most of your last paragraph myself! I so miss going out every day, meeting people and feeling I have a role other than a domestic one. I too used to go to exhibitions, the theatre, continuing education courses etc. Recently I’ve found the FutureLearn site useful - they offer free online courses in a huge range if topics. I’ve just finished ‘Literature and Mental Health’ and have registered for ‘Shakespeare and his World’ have done others too - they’re very easy to follow and give ideas for further reading too. I also try to keep up with documentaries on BBC4 and similar - OH and I watch some if these together
Thanks @maryjoan for this ‘Popin’

Lindy xx

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Hello all, I still work from home only a few hours per day - but I'm reluctant to give it up - and I compensate mostly with sweets such as chocolate. but I am planning to have one night off in a few months - it's absurd how much planning can go into one night off - the renovated room for the carer, the endless thinking about who might best be trusted to mind my OH. I decided it has to be a paid carer as I can't quite believe my relatives would cope. Every night is different and yet the same - A variation of madness... still I am hoping I can do it - I'm probably rather off topic but it is some sort of personal escape they would be my best care. Love to you all..

 

[carolynp]

Hello all, I still work from home only a few hours per day - but I'm reluctant to give it up - and I compensate mostly with sweets such as chocolate. but I am planning to have one night off in a few months - it's absurd how much planning can go into one night off - the renovated room for the carer, the endless thinking about who might best be trusted to mind my OH. I decided it has to be a paid carer as I can't quite believe my relatives would cope. Every night is different and yet the same - A variation of madness... still I am hoping I can do it - I'm probably rather off topic but it is some sort of personal escape they would be my best care. Love to you all..

Hi dear @Mudgee Joy please write out ten times, “There is no such thing as off topic for US”.

I work from home too. Please try not to give it up. It’s so important for a sense of our own identity and for our few remaining shreds of confidence (mine, anyway).

I agree about getting a paid carer for your big night off. It’s a cleaner, more straightforward transaction, I believe. And I’ve also found family members can take these commitments more lightly and if something else comes up for them, then that’s just too bad for us. It needs to be a paid arrangement.

 

[maryjoan]

My Dad and a friend rescue injured hedgehogs. Sadly they often get injuries from strimming and lawnmower incidents but can be care for, in safe gardens with support from humans

Have you seen the stickers that you can get from the Hedgehog Preservation Society? They are for putting on strimmers, mowers etc, to remind the owners to check for hogs before starting work on the garden........