I'm just going to give you a (((HUG))), lovely lady.
Thank you @Beate I could sure do with one of those.
I’m going to have to get my mindset adjusted, or I’ll be rocking in a corner at this rate
I'm just going to give you a (((HUG))), lovely lady.
Sam Luvit..I too desperately hoped dad would decline and push through his inbetween incontinence stage when he was peeing in very inappropriate places very resistant to re directing to a toilet or help in his NH so I can totally understand. It got very close to dad being given notice by the NH in the 18 months it took. Some of his other challenges didn't unfortunately phase out. Sometimes it seems a pwd previous character amplifies during dementia however sometimes it is the opposite and the behaviour appears that a pwd never displayed. Just as pwd are all different so are we as carers, but we all try our best with as much patience, tolerance and understanding for our loved one and the illness as we can muster, at times this is possible and we take things in our stride but often we ourselves feel at rock bottom because caring takes its toll. I learnt strategies in a trial and error way with my dad as I went along...some days they worked other days for no apparent reason theDon’t you just hate delayed flights @Amy in the US .. so frustrating. Once I’m sitting on the plane all my troubles just roll away, but fidgeting in departures just winds me up. Hope you get a boarding call soon & a turbulence free flight.
I’m trying to take on board what you are all saying, it is hard, but if I can manage to see it as the disease & not as wilful, maybe I can handle it. I just feel pretty fragile myself right now, so it’s really hard to keep calm. It does look wilful. It is very much her “old Mum” way. I guess the fact that she used to twist things to suit herself is making it hard for me to accept that maybe it’s the disease & not her reverting to her old ways.
I know you’re not wishing further decline just to make it easier. It’s no fun getting old, but the alternative ain’t too great either, springs to mind.
I’m tough really. I’ve cracked once before, so I recognise the symptoms. In any other circumstances I could walk away, hand back some responsibilities or work load, but I can’t with this. I think that’s why I just booked the holiday, nothing in place, just booked it. I know I have to get some space. Mum will have to manage with brother, eldest, cleaner, neighbour & support worker. It’s that or no me in a month or whenever.
Apparently it’s the weekend. We are expecting snow. I’m going to binge watch rubbish TV & recuperate
Sam, I also recognize the "get better" comments. I used to hear a lot about that. I just need to get over this (cold, infection, thyroid problem, medication change) and then I'll get better. I just need to get through this (day, appointment, errand, chore, event), and then I'll be better. She would say those things a lot. I don't know how much, if any, awareness my mother had, that something else, was not right. She definitely hasn't had insight into her condition, for several years now. I know the lack of insight and awareness is horrible in and of itself, but my mother would be so distraught if she knew she has Alzheimer's, so it's a blessing in her case.
I hope the family time this weekend is a help, and enjoyable, not stressful.
Don’t you just hate delayed flights @Amy in the US .. so frustrating. Once I’m sitting on the plane all my troubles just roll away, but fidgeting in departures just winds me up. Hope you get a boarding call soon & a turbulence free flight.
I’m trying to take on board what you are all saying, it is hard, but if I can manage to see it as the disease & not as wilful, maybe I can handle it. I just feel pretty fragile myself right now, so it’s really hard to keep calm. It does look wilful. It is very much her “old Mum” way. I guess the fact that she used to twist things to suit herself is making it hard for me to accept that maybe it’s the disease & not her reverting to her old ways.
I know you’re not wishing further decline just to make it easier. It’s no fun getting old, but the alternative ain’t too great either, springs to mind.
I’m tough really. I’ve cracked once before, so I recognise the symptoms. In any other circumstances I could walk away, hand back some responsibilities or work load, but I can’t with this. I think that’s why I just booked the holiday, nothing in place, just booked it. I know I have to get some space. Mum will have to manage with brother, eldest, cleaner, neighbour & support worker. It’s that or no me in a month or whenever.
Apparently it’s the weekend. We are expecting snow. I’m going to binge watch rubbish TV & recuperate
No, I'm going with my husband Steve. We are going back to a place called Dalyan in Turkey where we used to go with our children. It's got a protected beech with turtles and lakes and rivers so you get to go on boats at sea and on the river. Very peaceful and hopefully we will see wildlife.They have storks. And you can fly from our local airport 20" in a taxi-big advantage from Steve's view. I just went round mum's and she hadn't eaten dinner. Am having probs with carers. They ask if she wants lunch/dinner ,she says no, I'll make it later, so they make her a cup of tea? Great. That's going to work! Have talked to all of them, but they don't get dementia. Just not trained properly and on low pay etc. Am going to explain in letter to manager and ask her to read it out to them at their meeting, and will offer to come. If they just heat dinner in microwave and put it on table, she will eat it. That's what I do, she's fine and will go along with it! ! Like you say, sort out one problem and another pops up. I go from chilled out to high anxiety in 60 seconds. Our parents sound very similar! The mantra was "sink or swim!" "Look after number one!" Well if I applied that to my mum now, she would be well sunk! Oh, we need a break, she's been in my head on a daily basis since 2010 and I want her out of there so I can breathe!. Here's to our holiday! But will we come back? I am laughing, it's just too awful.Hi @Norfolk Cherry
Join right in, pull up a chair & get comfy. There is something about reading that someone else is seeing the same things in their PWD as you are. It takes away some of the isolation.
My parents also worked hard & once they retired, they were off on holiday all the time. Somehow they fitted in 2 holidays abroad even when working, so retired, it was like they were always going somewhere. Dads comment was, they earn it, they wouId spend it. If we wanted something, go earn it. I watched my friends get given cars, taken on holiday, helped out with furnishing new homes etc, I bought my own car lol
Stability seems to be the key. It does feel like you sort ine anxiety & another appears though. Got the dementia clock (click/flock/frock...), so she knows what the blooming day is, but now she says she’s broke. I wish I was that broke lol
Yup. Mixed feelings are about right. Not a maternal bone in mums body. Not a one. So, I find looking after her when she’s being a bit difficult (!!), really hard work. I want to scream at the unfairness of it. Why am I soothing her fears, when she didn’t do it for us. But, I couldn’t walk away. I tried missing a weekend visit, but I just stressed the whole time. I had a few years of her being ok & 2 years of feeling like I had a Mum. It’s not enough to sustain me when she’s being horrid.
I think I’d have agreed to Outer Mongolia if it had been suggested. I just needed to know I couid walk out the door & ignore dementia for a week. Enjoy yours when it comes. Are you going with friends?
I had a difference of opinion with a disastrous live in carer I tried for dad. Everything provided food wise for decent dinners...arrived one day and asked what she cooked for dinner last night...she replied that dad couldn't say what he wanted so she made him a sandwich! He was already at the stage which if she had been experienced in dementia would have known...that he couldn't ask for anything and he wouldn't know whether he wanted to eat a chicken or a shoe and certainly needed the food in front of him to realise he was hungry! That prompted a dreadful 2 hours of her ranting at me like a teenager up and down to her room and ended with me phoning the agency to remove her immediately!No, I'm going with my husband Steve. We are going back to a place called Dalyan in Turkey where we used to go with our children. It's got a protected beech with turtles and lakes and rivers so you get to go on boats at sea and on the river. Very peaceful and hopefully we will see wildlife.They have storks. And you can fly from our local airport 20" in a taxi-big advantage from Steve's view. I just went round mum's and she hadn't eaten dinner. Am having probs with carers. They ask if she wants lunch/dinner ,she says no, I'll make it later, so they make her a cup of tea? Great. That's going to work! Have talked to all of them, but they don't get dementia. Just not trained properly and on low pay etc. Am going to explain in letter to manager and ask her to read it out to them at their meeting, and will offer to come. If they just heat dinner in microwave and put it on table, she will eat it. That's what I do, she's fine and will go along with it! ! Like you say, sort out one problem and another pops up. I go from chilled out to high anxiety in 60 seconds. Our parents sound very similar! The mantra was "sink or swim!" "Look after number one!" Well if I applied that to my mum now, she would be well sunk! Oh, we need a break, she's been in my head on a daily basis since 2010 and I want her out of there so I can breathe!. Here's to our holiday! But will we come back? I am laughing, it's just too awful.
Oh no, that sounds bad. I do find it odd when I'm trying to explain how dementia affects my mum and they argue back? It's not difficult to understand. It's basically brain damage and you have to ease the person towards doing what's in their best interests rather than giving them a choice. Actually I think it's to do with lack of proper education and training by the companies which is expensive. The carers are not trained mental health nurses to be fair.I had a difference of opinion with a disastrous live in carer I tried for dad. Everything provided food wise for decent dinners...arrived one day and asked what she cooked for dinner last night...she replied that dad couldn't say what he wanted so she made him a sandwich! He was already at the stage which if she had been experienced in dementia would have known...that he couldn't ask for anything and he wouldn't know whether he wanted to eat a chicken or a shoe and certainly needed the food in front of him to realise he was hungry! That prompted a dreadful 2 hours of her ranting at me like a teenager up and down to her room and ended with me phoning the agency to remove her immediately!
Haha, this is so awful! I get the bit about your dad not knowing what he wants, it's so sad. It's just not right that our most vulnerable people are cared for by the lowest paid, least trained workers?I had a difference of opinion with a disastrous live in carer I tried for dad. Everything provided food wise for decent dinners...arrived one day and asked what she cooked for dinner last night...she replied that dad couldn't say what he wanted so she made him a sandwich! He was already at the stage which if she had been experienced in dementia would have known...that he couldn't ask for anything and he wouldn't know whether he wanted to eat a chicken or a shoe and certainly needed the food in front of him to realise he was hungry! That prompted a dreadful 2 hours of her ranting at me like a teenager up and down to her room and ended with me phoning the agency to remove her immediately!
...it's so sad. It's just not right that our most vulnerable people are cared for by the lowest paid, least trained ...