Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Sam I really am worried about you, you sound near breaking point so I'm pleased you are soon going on your hols but when you return if things don't improve meaning you can get your Mum to a day centre or something like to give you that break that you need I urge you to get carers coming in daily and with one day a week for a few hours to give you that break needed. I do that for one day a week the carer comes for 4 hours in the morning so each week I know if I want to I can go into town or whatever, I don't always but I have the choice, otherwise Sam and I've noticed you have mentioned care homes a few times recently, consider it you are still caring just in a different way. There comes a time when you do have to think of yourself and constantly feeling so stressed out isn't good Sam. I feel I've probably been able to cope through all of this because of the relationship Mum and I always had and despite everything still do. We have always been so close, best friends as well as Mum and daughter and I can reflect on such good times shared together so I have been blessed with that and that has seen me through some of the darker and sadder times.
I'm always at the end of the phone. Huge warm (((((hugs)))))to you
I'm always at the end of the phone. Huge warm (((((hugs)))))to you
Hope everyone isn't too cold and suffering from snow again. Just a light flurry of snow on and off here today but just disappeared but with the wind blowing it has felt freezing cold so heating back on full to keep Mum warm.
Roll on Spring
Roll on Spring
WouId you believe I woke up in the lounge about 23.30 & staggered off to bed, I was tucked up & going back to sleep just after midnight. I feel rested but groggy.
Morning @rosy18
One way or another, Mum will be having a morning call for the rest of us living together. She will go to day centre, coffee club or whatever, even if she hates it. This can’t go on. I think a week of people popping in without me here will remind her that she needs support. A week without supporting her will give me some space to recover.
I love your relationship with your mum. She just adores you. I’d be jealous if you weren’t such a lovely person yourself. Wishing we had that doesn’t make it so, just have to work to my strengths, which mostly include walking away right now & venting on here.
I don’t want her in a care home, but it’s an option for both of us. I’d be living in Poppet though lol. At least I couid park up in a wood & get some sleep.
One way or another, Mum will be having a morning call for the rest of us living together. She will go to day centre, coffee club or whatever, even if she hates it. This can’t go on. I think a week of people popping in without me here will remind her that she needs support. A week without supporting her will give me some space to recover.
I love your relationship with your mum. She just adores you. I’d be jealous if you weren’t such a lovely person yourself. Wishing we had that doesn’t make it so, just have to work to my strengths, which mostly include walking away right now & venting on here.
I don’t want her in a care home, but it’s an option for both of us. I’d be living in Poppet though lol. At least I couid park up in a wood & get some sleep.
It was 0* last night, it’s up to a whole 1* this morning & we are expecting a whopping 2* by 15.00. It will of course be snowing by then lol
We’ve had a dusting is snow, it’s now crunch & slippery, so I’ll be pulling in the snow boots when I take pooch out. He’s poked his head out & retired to the warmth. He’s not daft lol
We’ve had a dusting is snow, it’s now crunch & slippery, so I’ll be pulling in the snow boots when I take pooch out. He’s poked his head out & retired to the warmth. He’s not daft lol
Morning all,
Sam, I agree with your comment that having to go to work on little sleep is very tough. And that is exactly what you are doing too - except that you can't go home and collapse at 5pm, nor do you even get an hour to yourself at lunchtime!
I am glad you have recognised that something has to change. Glad that you know that your week away will help but will not change anything once you are back. Glad you are putting things in place to make this more tolerable for you. And yet, I am still worried about you, because I fear that won't be enough to keep you from going over the edge Even worse, I don't have any solutions - oh for a magic wand!!
We had a little snow overnight, not enough to cause any problems. Except that OH went down to the bowls club for a match without checking his emails and found the club closed. Alfie cat is a bit restless, Sky cat is perfectly happy in my bedroom as usual.
Squishy hugs all round. xx
Sam, I agree with your comment that having to go to work on little sleep is very tough. And that is exactly what you are doing too - except that you can't go home and collapse at 5pm, nor do you even get an hour to yourself at lunchtime!
I am glad you have recognised that something has to change. Glad that you know that your week away will help but will not change anything once you are back. Glad you are putting things in place to make this more tolerable for you. And yet, I am still worried about you, because I fear that won't be enough to keep you from going over the edge
Even worse, I don't have any solutions - oh for a magic wand!!We had a little snow overnight, not enough to cause any problems. Except that OH went down to the bowls club for a match without checking his emails and found the club closed. Alfie cat is a bit restless, Sky cat is perfectly happy in my bedroom as usual.
Squishy hugs all round. xx
I guess you are right, I’m still working, just not leaving the house to go, or getting nights & weekends off. A lie in wouId be heaven. There are mornings when I’ve forgotten & thought I could stay in bed lol.
The trouble is, @Slugsta, I also know how hard I’ve found it returning after one night away, not great, 3 nights away, wanted to scream. So a full week & im going to struggle with the niggles. It’s why I want to get her to a day centre this week & fir e the issue of her going for when I’m away. I need to know I’m not walking straight back into 24/7.
I’ve acceoted I’m struggling & that’s the hard bit. I’m walking away. I’m doing tough love on Mum & me. I will get through this, I’m too stubborn to not try.
Lol. Yes check before you leave is necessary with this weather. Hope your OH wasn’t too disappointed at missing the bowls. So pleased Sky cat is snuggled. Sounds more positive than it has been
The trouble is, @Slugsta, I also know how hard I’ve found it returning after one night away, not great, 3 nights away, wanted to scream. So a full week & im going to struggle with the niggles. It’s why I want to get her to a day centre this week & fir e the issue of her going for when I’m away. I need to know I’m not walking straight back into 24/7.
I’ve acceoted I’m struggling & that’s the hard bit. I’m walking away. I’m doing tough love on Mum & me. I will get through this, I’m too stubborn to not try.
Lol. Yes check before you leave is necessary with this weather. Hope your OH wasn’t too disappointed at missing the bowls. So pleased Sky cat is snuggled. Sounds more positive than it has been
Eldest came over for a few hours. We are getting in so much better these days. So much so, that neither if us realised how late it had gotten!
I did bacon & egg sandwiches for our lunch, I ditched most of the bread. Mum mournfully told eldest she doesn’t usually get lunch & won’t have dinner as she’s now had breakfast & lunch! Baked potatoes are in, but later than I’d like, but cleaning takes soooooo long.
He’s helped me move furniture & shampoo the lounge. Again. It smells a lot fresher now. Blooming pooch.
Somehow I’ve got to get Mum to cooperate tomorrow as she has a dentist appointment. That’s going to be fun
I did bacon & egg sandwiches for our lunch, I ditched most of the bread. Mum mournfully told eldest she doesn’t usually get lunch & won’t have dinner as she’s now had breakfast & lunch! Baked potatoes are in, but later than I’d like, but cleaning takes soooooo long.
He’s helped me move furniture & shampoo the lounge. Again. It smells a lot fresher now. Blooming pooch.
Somehow I’ve got to get Mum to cooperate tomorrow as she has a dentist appointment. That’s going to be fun
Good luck with that Sam. Mums got dentures and I have to wait till she's asleep before I can get them out and then I have a battle every morning to get them back in.
So pleased you and your son are getting along better sounds like you had a really nice time with him.
Hope the weather hasn't been too bad for you there. No snow here but extremely cold, meant to be ok tomorrow though warming up a little.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow
. Mums got dentures and I have to wait till she's asleep before I can get them out and then I have a battle every morning to get them back in.So pleased you and your son are getting along better sounds like you had a really nice time with him.
Hope the weather hasn't been too bad for you there. No snow here but extremely cold, meant to be ok tomorrow though warming up a little.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow
Bacon & egg sandwiches
I really must get out to some cafes soooon
I'd forgotten such delights.
Good luck with the Dentist.
Ummmmm.......that's a topic I've not pursued
I really must get out to some cafes soooon
I'd forgotten such delights.
Good luck with the Dentist.
Ummmmm.......that's a topic I've not pursued
Lol @rosy18 I must have the only PWD who wants to go to the dentist. She’s obsessed with her blooming teeth. Well, I guess not many 80’s peeps still have all their own teeth. She beams at the dentist. Positively twitters lol
It’s not getting her to see a dentist, it’s the effort of getting her out the house & into the car on time that I’m stressing with. She dithers. She must go to the loo again. She can’t find her lipstick. These are the wrong gloves. She’s 10 times worse when it’s an appointment, bad enough when it’s just going to town for a mooch & a cake.
Yes, it’s nice to be getting along with eldest. He told me today he’s been working on a change of attitude, it shows. I’m getting conversation instead of grunts lol
We’ve had snow all day, the really fine stuff that stings but doesn’t do much more than frost the trees. Very pretty. Very cold. It was -0.5 when I took eldest home at a little after 16.00. I’m not looking to see what it is now, I’ve still got to take pooch out :-(
It’s not getting her to see a dentist, it’s the effort of getting her out the house & into the car on time that I’m stressing with. She dithers. She must go to the loo again. She can’t find her lipstick. These are the wrong gloves. She’s 10 times worse when it’s an appointment, bad enough when it’s just going to town for a mooch & a cake.
Yes, it’s nice to be getting along with eldest. He told me today he’s been working on a change of attitude, it shows. I’m getting conversation instead of grunts lol
We’ve had snow all day, the really fine stuff that stings but doesn’t do much more than frost the trees. Very pretty. Very cold. It was -0.5 when I took eldest home at a little after 16.00. I’m not looking to see what it is now, I’ve still got to take pooch out :-(
Hi @gotanybiscuits?
I feed eldest when he comes over. He loves bacon. I think he only comes so he can eat I had one piece of bacon & one egg. Mum & he had 2 slices & 2 eggs in each sandwich I’m being good
I might remind Mum tonight about the dentist, heaven help me if it snows tonight.
I feed eldest when he comes over. He loves bacon. I think he only comes so he can eat
I had one piece of bacon & one egg. Mum & he had 2 slices & 2 eggs in each sandwich I’m being good I might remind Mum tonight about the dentist, heaven help me if it snows tonight.
Sam, I am glad that you and your son are getting on more
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Feel free to pop over & assist lol
I hare appointments, it’s like they are a switch to double slow instead of double quick. I’d settle for normal speed :-(
Mum had all her own teeth up until a couple of years before the end (she was 91). When she was in the care home they kept breaking off at the roots - I guess her oral hygiene had been poor for a while. The toothless old crone, with long hair, in the bed wasn't the woman I knew!
Why have I just spent 40 minutes explaining to Mum the need for a morning care visit? She’s not going to remember. She’s just told me she can’t remember what happened this morning That’s 12 hours ago
I have however printed my boarding card for the flight out .... I may print the return one some time lol.
That’s 12 hours agoI have however printed my boarding card for the flight out .... I may print the return one some time lol.
This morning Mum was all about hurrying up & how I’d said we wouId be late & she had to hurry. No. Not a word about speeding up was said by me
I did say that if she wants to do things for herself, then she has to do the things she struggles with first (leggings, socks) so she can be supported doing those.
Naturally, Mum was stressing about being late. No matter that I told her she had 3 hours till her appointment. Got herself into the bathroom. Shower on, spray everywhere, telling me “that girl” isn’t coming “sigh”
Tell Mum the support worker is here, standing right behind me, so Mum slams the door on my foot. I managed to just catch it before I lost my toes. Boy has she got a temper.
Nice as pie to the support worker. Then full on strop with me when she’s gone. “Sigh”
40 minutes before the appointment I tell her she needs to start getting her things sorted (I’ve out out coat gloves etc), so off she goes to the bathroom, like I knew she wouId. 20 minutes later after some encouragement (!!), I get her back downstairs & we attempt to leave. I can’t be bothered to argue, no zimmer, no rolator, just me & the ice. Get her to the car & off we go. Parked right outside. Brilliant.
Mum lurves her dentist. No way was she looking like an old lady in front of him. I managed to walk her into the room, then somehow she frees herself of me & marches across to a chair. So focused on ditching me, she launched herself at it, missed & landed on the next one. Nearly face planted the wall
All done now & we are home.
We’ve been invited to a neighbour for a birthday tea. After 10 weeks house bound, her moaning at me for locking her up, she’s now saying she doesn’t want to go!!
It’s the last thing I feel like doing, but I’m going to encourage her, I think it’ll do her good. Only going to be 6 of us & she likes the other 5 lol
I did say that if she wants to do things for herself, then she has to do the things she struggles with first (leggings, socks) so she can be supported doing those.
Naturally, Mum was stressing about being late. No matter that I told her she had 3 hours till her appointment. Got herself into the bathroom. Shower on, spray everywhere, telling me “that girl” isn’t coming “sigh”
Tell Mum the support worker is here, standing right behind me, so Mum slams the door on my foot. I managed to just catch it before I lost my toes. Boy has she got a temper.
Nice as pie to the support worker. Then full on strop with me when she’s gone. “Sigh”
40 minutes before the appointment I tell her she needs to start getting her things sorted (I’ve out out coat gloves etc), so off she goes to the bathroom, like I knew she wouId. 20 minutes later after some encouragement (!!), I get her back downstairs & we attempt to leave. I can’t be bothered to argue, no zimmer, no rolator, just me & the ice. Get her to the car & off we go. Parked right outside. Brilliant.
Mum lurves her dentist. No way was she looking like an old lady in front of him. I managed to walk her into the room, then somehow she frees herself of me & marches across to a chair. So focused on ditching me, she launched herself at it, missed & landed on the next one. Nearly face planted the wall
All done now & we are home.
We’ve been invited to a neighbour for a birthday tea. After 10 weeks house bound, her moaning at me for locking her up, she’s now saying she doesn’t want to go!!
It’s the last thing I feel like doing, but I’m going to encourage her, I think it’ll do her good. Only going to be 6 of us & she likes the other 5 lol
