Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

This house is just brimming over with love @love.dad.but.. even Pooch wants to make sure baby girl is ok. She only has to wimpier & he’s alert

Thank you for the congrats, that first cuddle so reminded my of youngest ... snuggling into my neck, but checking she can still see her mum

 

[Sam Luvit]

Congratulations. Nana Sam has a nice ring to it.

Thank you , I thought it was easier for everyone

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Toony Oony

Yes, it’s such good news & a relief that everyone is doing well. She’s a fairly placid baby so far. Not heard a full on lung scream yet

Dad wasn’t that into babies, more interested when they could walk & talk properly, however, he had a major soft spot for youngest, so baby girl could have been his exception. I’m sure they are very proud of youngest, they always were

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

Sam, that first cuddle must have been extra special, for many reasons - not least the length of time you had to wait for it! I am so glad that the future 'outlaws' are friendly and welcoming too (((hugs))).

 

[Sam Luvit]

Quick update from @Margi29 .. she’s asked me to ask you a question. I’ll probably / possibly do a separate thread, but she wants me to ask you

So, @Margi29’s mum went into a home after Christmas. She’s been there just under 2 weeks
The home assessed & saud they could handle her
The family were very honest about behaviour, up a lot at night, wandering, confusion.

1. She’s taken an intense dislike to a long time resident, let’s call her M.
M is much further along, jumbles her words around & constantly moaning. She also pushes herself into other people’s “personal space”, so she will stand less than 12 inches away, with her face in yours.
There have been a few verbal comments between the pair.
There has been a physical instance, @Margi29 mum put up a fist & asked “what are you looking at silly *****” (replace with your worst)
The home has said they have to keep M safe, which is understandably, but they’ve given @Margi29 2 weeks to sort this out

Any suggestions on how to diffuse this?

@Margi29 & siblings have come to the hard decision that 5hey can no longer keep their mum safe. They’ve been honest. The home said they could cope but are now saying this needs to be sorted

I’ve suggested she call the helpline & ask ASC for input

 

[Slugsta]

Sam, I have seen this sort of thing come up quite often on the forum Sadly it often seems to result in the PWD being moved. It might be worth Margi doing a search and reading some of the previous threads in the hope of finding some less drastic solutions.

My own feeling is that the home haven't given M's mum time to settle and don't seem to be trying to find ways to de-fuse the situation. On that basis, maybe they are not the right place for her.

 

[rosy18]

This is your worst nightmare, but I'm with Slugsta, if the home is moaning now about Margi's lovely Mum then maybe it isn't the right place for her, she really hasn't been given the chance to settle in and the home should be trying to ease the situation not asking Margi to sort.((hugs)) for Margi.

I think you are enjoying being "Nana Sam" and sounds like Pooch is doing his bit as well
How's Mum doing?

Well had a few sleepless nights here of late but thankfully Mum seems to have settled over the last couple of nights. She has been pulling the inside of the duvet cover trying to fold it then scratches the sheet pulls my hand to bits tugging at my fingers and waves her arms in the air, gets exhausted for 10mins then starts again, poor Mum.Another new thing is when sitting on the commode although now no longer understands it when I ask her if she needs the commode I just sit Mum on it in the hope she might go and to change her pad, but Mum lifts her middle up pushing backwards if the commode wasn't against the wall she would tip it backwards I'm sure, it's almost like she is stopping herself from going to the toilet as I know sometimes she does need the toilet as her feet are going backwards and forwards, maybe it's her prolapse getting worse.
Well I'm off to try and get some sleep whilst Mum thankfully seems settled....fingers crossed.

 

[Toony Oony]

Hello everyone - just back after a couple of days away and am catching up.

It concerns me too that Margi has been asked to sort this out so early on in her Mum's residency and the CH do not seem to be giving Margi's Mum and Margi and her family as new relatives, the support they need and deserve. If the CH are not taking appropriate defusing and supporting action in this instance, further down the line there may be even more problems in all manner of situations.
The speed with which they made the problem Margi's responsibility also makes me concerned that this will continue to be their default position in the future .......... ie pass the buck.

My Mum has been in her CH 18 months now and I have seen many residents come and go. It is rare that they arrive and settle easily - and can be quite aggressive at times, both verbally and physically. It's not surprising, given that they must be wondering where they are and what is happening. The staff seem to take this into account, keep a special eye on the newcomer and try and defuse situations, usually successfully.
I would also add that Christmas and particularly the week or so afterwards are usually dire in the CH. The family visiting, the activities, parties, noise and general excitement really unsettles the residents. Their whole routine is disrupted and it takes some time for things to settle down again. They are out of sorts and often 'scratchy' and demanding. I would have hoped that this would have also been taken into account as well.

I really feel for Margi. After having made such a momentous and emotional decision, the last thing you want is for it to not run smoothly.

Hugs to Margi and her Mum - and another couple to new Nana Sam and the small cuddly bundle.

XX

 

[love.dad.but..]

The scenario for Margi's mum is not uncommon in care homes between some residents ...sometimes a balanced dynamic can be tipped over with the intro of a new resident and most homes weigh this up carefully before offering a place...having said that unpredictable flare ups can happen anytime and for any reason between long standing residents however the home should be experienced in helping a new resident to settle in whilst quickly using strategies and staff interventions to swiftly diffuse any confrontations. I am very concerned that the home have seemingly passed the problem onto the family and at such an early stage..the senior staff should offer support to the family as well as the new resident from the first day onwards and this seems lacking...the staff are in attendance 24 hours to monitor and deal with this for both residents not the family and frankly it is their duty of care having accepted M's mum to keep both residents safe not just the other one. Maybe they under estimated M's stage and presentation on pre admission assessment but if they have adopted this attitude so quickly I wonder if they will work hard to help her settle? Perhaps not the right setting. Dad had many grumpy altercations with other residents some instigated by him some by other residents part and parcel of dementia care home life but it is how the staff are trained, experienced and willing to intervene that tells you a lot about the home.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I will pass in all your comments to @Margi29 when we next speak. Her mum is very active & gets up in the night several times for the bathroom, they have asked for her to be given a duster in the day, as she will happily clean all day long

I too am concerned at the lack of support for the family, I’d have thought the home would expect a settling in period & the need to defuse any upsets. It’s horrid to have made such a painful decision & then have to think of finding somewhere else so soon. As if the initial decision wasn’t hard enough

For myself ... mum & baby are well, youngest is enthralled with baby girl, just gazes at her. He sees her as so delicate & is infinitely careful with her. He’s very hands on, fussing over them both

I only stayed 2 days, there’s not a lot of room & they have changed the lounge to a third bedroom so there was nowhere for everyone to sit together. Pooch stuck to me like glue, obviously scared I would leave him behind. He’s settled back at home with me

So, I’m back to sorting the house out. Next week is my target for getting new estate agents round with a view to putting it back in the market, so busy times once again.

I hope everyone is well & coping as well as possible

 

[Slugsta]

Welcome home Sam

 

[Sam Luvit]

Welcome home Sam

Thank you. It’s good to be here, I may have overdone the clearing today ... I ache

 

[Amy in the US]

Nana Sam, glad you got to see the newest addition! I am sure she is lovely.

Do be careful; we don't want you getting injured.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I’ve only gone & caught the dreaded lurgi Coughing up yucky stuff, absolutely drained & sweating buckets. I don’t need this.

Pooch has been cuddling me (he’s a hot water bottle I don't need), even coughing & bouncing him around is not discouraging him

 

[jugglingmum]

I’ve only gone & caught the dreaded lurgi Coughing up yucky stuff, absolutely drained & sweating buckets. I don’t need this.

Pooch has been cuddling me (he’s a hot water bottle I don't need), even coughing & bouncing him around is not discouraging him

Hugs, animals are good at sensing when we are ill.

 

[Slugsta]

Sam, I'm sorry you are so unwell (((hugs))). Yes, animals usually know when we need extra TLC.

Do you know that scientists now think that all dogs can probably detect cancers, low blood sugar etc? It is just that most of them don't know that we need them to tell us.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hugs, animals are good at sensing when we are ill.

Yes, they do seem to know. Pooch snuggled by mum as much as possible. He’s a sweetheart really

 

[Sam Luvit]

Do you know that scientists now think that all dogs can probably detect cancers, low blood sugar etc?

I’ve a friend who is getting her dog trained to help her through anxiety @Slugsta, it doesn’t surprise me at all to hear scientists believe that

Pooch tells me when he thinks it’s bed time

I’m still coughing up a storm, but feel a bit better than yesterday

 

[Slugsta]

I'm glad you feel a bit better Sam (((hugs)))

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, I hope you continue on the mend and get some sleep tonight. My cat tells us when she is ready for us to go to bed! But mostly she is good at telling us, "it's time for food." Food is her specialty!