Can I get some feedback on negative behaviour.

[noodlethepoodle]

Mums just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We are in the early stages but she also has physical poor health. One of the main issues we experience is her negative behaviour. She is constantly needing things and nothing is good enough. She seems to sabotage the most simple of tasks when she’s in a bad mood (which is most of the time) and says nasty things to try and hurt or generate a reaction. What I find strange is that her behaviour is an exaggeration of her previous behaviour. She has always been selfish and manipulative but does dementia make this worse? There are very obvious behaviours of memory loss and confusion but the negativity can be off the chart. I just wondered if other people had experienced similar.
Would love to hear from you. X

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @noodlethepoodle

My mother had a nurse who said dementia often magnifies what may have been negative personalities in earlier years. I don`t think it can be said of everyone with dementia but it could apply.

The biggest problem is the person with dementia cannot see their behaviour causing problems and right or wrong, it`s usually seen as the fault of others.

This is as it is. All carers can do is try to adjust their own behaviour to try to help

This may help you.

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[canary]

Hello @noodlethepoodle

Im sorry to say that dementia isnt just about memory loss/confusion. It affects everything eventually, but behaviour changes quite early on.

As grannie g says, people with dementia do not realise that they have changed. They may accept that they have poor memory, but they dont understand that they are doing things wrong and that other things they cannot do anymore. They realise that things keep on going wrong, but they are unable to understand why, so they blame other people and can become very nasty to their main carer.

They also lose empathy and cannot see things from anyone elses viewpoint, so everything becomes about them. Eventually their world narrows and all they can see are their own wants needs and comforts, so they will do things in order to get them and are unable to see what it looks like from outside. If they were manipulative before, then they will use this tactic even more

 

[Angel55]

Hello

I think it can magnify negative aspects of someone's personality and as the other posters have said there becomes no awareness that something is wrong with that behaviour or themselves. I think mood swings are also quite common as well. In one visit I can have floods of tears, anxiety , the works and then leave Dad singing and in a fantastic mood (according to staff) and other times just a 'normal' sort of visit but the mood can change at any moment to be fair . It can catch you out as well. Early on when Dad was at home he would very often say something wasn't right but he could never explain what exactly.

 

[noodlethepoodle]

Thank you for your advice. It’s been an absolute relief reading your replies. I’m moving forward with a different mindset and better understanding. It’s not easy to flip from seeing mum to mum with Alzheimer’s. I guess it’s part of learning to understand what’s happening. Everything you’ve all said resonates and makes sense. Thank you. You have really helped. It’s been a relief that there are people who can advise.
X

 

[Angel55]

Thank you for your advice. It’s been an absolute relief reading your replies. I’m moving forward with a different mindset and better understanding. It’s not easy to flip from seeing mum to mum with Alzheimer’s. I guess it’s part of learning to understand what’s happening. Everything you’ve all said resonates and makes sense. Thank you. You have really helped. It’s been a relief that there are people who can advise.
X

❤️ I think once you come into contact with people who have an understanding of dementia illnesses it can make the world of difference ❤️