dont be proud. i contacted age uk who gave me a list of cleaners[help at home] and gardeners. also what you should be asking them.
Can’t stop crying
- Thread starter Bevhar
- Start date
Thank you x
Thank you I will definitely try that I do want to be more positive I’m seeing the doctor on Tuesday to discuss my mobility & other things I really appreciate your kind words & support Can I ask who you’ve been a carer for & how you managed to cope xxx
I’m so sorry that’s so frightening for you Do you have any family nearby I’m an only child so no siblings to turn to I have got a wonderful sister in law I’m so pleased you have such good friends to help you That’s the thing I know how much I would miss my husband In March of this year he fainted & knocked himself out I vowed that if he recovered I would cope with his forgetfulness & being muddled i still love him so much I think my mobility problems are what are making me unable to cope I hope you manage to have a more peaceful time when your friends visit xx
I cared for my parents @Bevhar. Notably mum who had dementia. From 2019-2021 at a distance early stage, and from then at home with me, until the last 6 months in a nursing home where I pretty much provided one to one care each evening. She died 3 weeks ago.
I found it hard when I was sleep deprived and when there were difficulties with POA. But I am fairly young, fit and healthy. I have also worked in mental health for 20 years so have accumulated a ‘tool kit’ of coping strategies,
Once someone with dementia gets To a certain stage I think it’s impossible for one person to care without breaking down - however fit or capable they are. The needs become so great that a team who have breaks, annual leave etc are needed. Carers rarely get any of those.
Dont feel guilty for struggling.
I found it hard when I was sleep deprived and when there were difficulties with POA. But I am fairly young, fit and healthy. I have also worked in mental health for 20 years so have accumulated a ‘tool kit’ of coping strategies,
Once someone with dementia gets To a certain stage I think it’s impossible for one person to care without breaking down - however fit or capable they are. The needs become so great that a team who have breaks, annual leave etc are needed. Carers rarely get any of those.
Dont feel guilty for struggling.
Ahh thank you I would love a hug I find it hard to talk to my oldest daughter as she’s a single mother with 8 year old twins & works full time I’m seeing the doctor on Tues I know I need help especially getting my arthritis treated I have had 1 knee replacement but my other knee & hip are both awful I won’t be able to have them done as I would struggle to
Take care of my husband I’m hoping I maybe able to have steroid injections xx
We
We go to groups but it’s tough as I used to work as a volunteer for a homeless charity 3 mornings a week this really helped me mentally now I don’t feel I can leave my husband too long He was still working up Until March of this year I just want to feel more positive but it’s so hard at times Thank you as always for your advice xxx
I’ve just had a steroid injection in my knee @Bevhar and it`s been super. I was pain free for a few days which seemed miraculous but now I get an odd twinge which is disappointing but acceptable.
I won’t have a knee replacement because I would still have arthritis in my hips and feet and can’t see the benefits.
I’ve been told there is a gel which can be injected and I’ll be seeking advice about that in time.
I won’t have a knee replacement because I would still have arthritis in my hips and feet and can’t see the benefits.
I’ve been told there is a gel which can be injected and I’ll be seeking advice about that in time.
That’s interesting I’ve had a knee replacement which was successful but I’ve got arthritis in my right knee & hip & the X-ray on my broken hand show a lot of arthritis I’m hoping they can help me as even if I could get another knee & hip replacement it wouldn’t to practical now with my husband’s diagnosis I will have to ask the doctor about the gel I’m feeling a lot calmer husband asleep & im cuddled up with my little dog Ruby This forum is so amazing I’m so glad I found it Hope your having a nice weekend xx
@Bevhar , I know you feel that having surgery for your knee and hip is no longer practical but I really feel you should have the surgery if the opportunity arises. . Your husband can go into respite while you recover. Not having the surgery will make it increasingly difficult for you to care for him and he'll end up in care anyway. As his carer you owe it to both of you to look after yourself as well.
I know how hard it is to use respite , as you know my OH is going while I go to a family wedding 500+ miles away but I've made peace with my decision now and he'll go in and I'll go away 🤣
Acceptance is my mantra.. accept what you can't change, change what you can. Xx
I know how hard it is to use respite , as you know my OH is going while I go to a family wedding 500+ miles away but I've made peace with my decision now and he'll go in and I'll go away 🤣
Acceptance is my mantra.. accept what you can't change, change what you can. Xx
Thank you I’m trying Sprayed my pillow with lavender xx
Ahh Maggie I’m glad your going to the wedding to be honest I don’t think I will be able to get it done for another couple of years at best Thanks for that mantra I think acceptance is what I’m struggling with But I know the only choice i have is to accept what’s happening you come over as such a calm rational person I need to take a leaf out of your book xx
You must take care of yourself first so you can continue to do what you want to do for your family x
@Bevhar .it's early days in your husband's diagnosis. Acceptance takes time. It will come.
Calm? Well I'm more calm now than I was until acceptance.
Acceptance made me calmer ,it has also made me realise that if I'm was going to get through the caring that I needed to accept.
I read so many posts where people had regrets and I didn't want to live with regret. I decided to ensure that all my major decisions had to be carefully weighed up and be rational so that I was sure they were in our best interest and gave no room for regret. It's why respite has been such turmoil for me ,but I'm now at peace with my decision.
Gyles Brandreth has just said on the TV " happy people don't resist change" How right he is!
Accept the change and be happy 🙂 Xx
Calm? Well I'm more calm now than I was until acceptance.
Acceptance made me calmer ,it has also made me realise that if I'm was going to get through the caring that I needed to accept.
I read so many posts where people had regrets and I didn't want to live with regret. I decided to ensure that all my major decisions had to be carefully weighed up and be rational so that I was sure they were in our best interest and gave no room for regret. It's why respite has been such turmoil for me ,but I'm now at peace with my decision.
Gyles Brandreth has just said on the TV " happy people don't resist change" How right he is!
Accept the change and be happy 🙂 Xx
Thank you Feeling calmer today Our youngest daughter & little boy are visiting today She lives in Cardiff about 2 hours drive from us She stayed with my older daughter & twins last night & on her way now to us Yes I don’t want to live with regret Acceptance is the only way I will cope Things were going well before my fall I wish I had your wisdom xx
Falls have always been referred to as `can be serious` and I didn't realise just how until I fell and was out of action for three months.
At the time I was repeatedly relieved my caring days were over because I was unable to care for myself without help.
It is your fall which has increased your caring problems @Bevhar and I hope you heal well.
Have a lovely relaxing day with your daughter and grandson
At the time I was repeatedly relieved my caring days were over because I was unable to care for myself without help.
It is your fall which has increased your caring problems @Bevhar and I hope you heal well.
Have a lovely relaxing day with your daughter and grandson
Hello @Signora C and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your husband and his behaviour, this must be so difficult for you. It is good that you have friends who are willing to give you a break but it sounds as if you could need help on a regular basis. If you have not already done so please contact your local adult social services to arrange a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself.
You might also find it useful to start your own thread in the I have a partner with dementia area of the forum.
I have a partner with dementia
This forum is for people with a partner or spouse with dementia.
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Hi @Bevhar
I empathise with your pain and difficulty with your arthritis. And you know, putting off treatment won't help in the long run, as the arthritis just gets worse. I hope yours is progressing slowly.
I have replacement R knee back in 2016. This was after a long period of putting it off and off, until I got to the stage where my knee hurt all the time, including not being able to get comfortable lying down and thus lack of sleep. Having had it done, I wished I'd got it done much earlier and saved me all that agony.
Now, eight years on I need my L knee replacing. I've decided I'm not going to wait until I experience the agony and lack of sleep I did last time, although tbh v nearly there already!
I've been on the waiting list a long long time and if its not cancelled I'm due to see the orthopaedic surgeon later this month. As full time home carer for my OH for 7 years now - I've asked my daughter (who lives about 250 miles away, has work, has family, dogs, a full life of her own, etc) to come and stay for when I'm in hospital (last knee op I went in on a Tues and come out on the Fri) and for a week afterwards (will probably need help putting on and taking off the full leg length compression stocking). As soon as I can get back a proper bend in my knee, I'm told, I'll be able to drive as this is the L knee and my car is an automatic.
If you are having difficulty looking after your OH because of your arthritis in your knee then I suggest you get on the list soonest. You have a life and need good health and mobility for your own good apart from caring for OH. When it comes to it, you'll either have arrange for someone else to take on the caring role, or OH will have to go into respite care whilst you recover. Don't put things off, when that'll make you more miserable. There must a solution that puts you first for a while! As they say "because you're worth it!"
Best wishes and a hug.
