Being accused of misusing fathers account

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Upset and tired, Nov 6, 2018.

  1. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,286
    Kent
    #21 love.dad.but.., Nov 8, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2018
    She is clearly getting very much ahead of herself...discussion of any proceeds from an estate and wishes stated in a will etc are only relevant after death.
    Personally I would say to SIL go ahead and let her mount up her legal costs..it is sad that mother is caught up in all of this but if she is being manipulated by SIL and can't for whatever reason recognise this or see her loving kind son as before unless you can speak privately ..write to her or ask a trusted family friend to mediate am not sure what you can do. I certainly wouldn't agree to her demands on her expected proceeds of mother's house and remind her until mother passes away it is an inappropriate discussion and in any case your OH will insist on 3 valuations of the peoperty and she will pay a fair market price when the time comes. She is bullying your OH...she has no authority to question FIL/OH bank ac or cash flow during that time I would tell her to take a running jump if me. I hope your solicitor will give you sound advice on this...and hopefully confirm legally to you she hasn't a leg to stand on.
     
  2. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Due to the stress I ended up in hospital yesterday with possible TIA. Luckily we have 2 supportive children but don’t want them to become involved at the end of the day shes still their Grandma but they’re so concerned for their dad especially and seeing him so upset.
     
  3. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,286
    Kent
    Oh my goodness what a terrible toll it is taking but glad that you all there to support each other. What a dreadful sister she is.
     
  4. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Just read this thread through and am appalled. It seems to me that SIL is being a bully and has no right to anything she's asking for. And to be discussing the sale of MIL's house after her death at this point is awful!!

    @Upset and tired , I really hope you can take a step back from all this and find a way to put SIL's manipulations back in a box where they belong. Have you discussed your feelings with a GP? I wonder whether some counselling might help. You both sound at a very low ebb and I hope you get some outside support soon.
    All the best to you and OH
    Hugs
    Lindy xx
     
  5. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Thank you all for your support and advice. I think we both need some form of counselling especially my husband who has basically lost his family. At the end of the day, yes it would be nice to have an inheritance but it is only money and I’d rather have my husband back to his normal self and a peaceful life. I will be the first to say, yes, we have made mistakes and with hindsight would have managed things financially differently and I’m willing to repay anything I think is wrong but not through bullying and emotional blackmail. It’s too late now to sit down and talk things rationally, too much damage and hurt have been caused. Let’s hope it makes them happy but I doubt it. Hopefully further down the line we can look at it as a lesson learnt. Life is far too short and looking after a lovely father in law with Alzheimer’s showed us that.
     
  6. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
     
  7. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Thank you for your kind words. In one way it’s shown how close our own family are. Our two children have rallied around and given us support. They’ve never seen their strong father so heartbroken and they’re are closing ranks. We’ve also got some lovely friends. With hindsight, she has the bank statements, she hasn’t asked for any supporting evidence from us, her behaviour is completely bizarre. We realise that the money is not important and SIL will never be happy. Our family and peace and quiet are all that matters. I’m sure the fighting spirit will return at some stage but for the time being we will let the solicitor take the strain. This forum has shown me that we are not alone and for that I am extremely grateful.
     
  8. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    I do wonder if there is some mental health issues involved as I have never come across such bizarre behaviour but more likely just greediness. How do you cope with your SIL behaviour? It’s sad in a way how many people like us have this problem. Dealing with my FIL Alzheimer’s in some ways was easier to deal with as we knew his behaviour was due to that terrible disease.
     
  9. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    My husband sent his mother a heart reaching letter which broke my heart. A man no matter his age needs his mother. She did leave an answer phone message to my daughter asking how we both were. We sat down this morning, my husband had reached the angry stage, and wrote down everything he had done, bought out of their joint account and we realised how much he has done for her benefit. All the paperwork ready for our solicitors meeting is done. It would be nice if we could try and ignore all the rankings and threats but it’s all too fresh. Hopefully we will pass that stage and move on. I do appreciate all the help and support it’s kept me going this weekend. The bright spot among all this is I’m losing weight...
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,286
    Kent
    TP always here for you and your OH whenever you need. I hope mother can see through her daughter and make her own judgement on the situation and perhaps the letter will help. Glad for your OH that mother made attempt to make contact.Yay! Weight loss...every cloud etc
     
  11. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,387
    I really don't think you have anything to answer for. Ignore her and get on with your own lives.
     
  12. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    It’ll be interesting to see how the solicitor deals with it. My OH,s emotions are all over the place and I’m trying to remain calm but it’s hard. The other good thing is that we realise that we need to put our own affairs in order to avoid this type of drama happening again. I’ll update how it goes tomorrow. Perhaps when it’s all over I can wrote a book how to avoid pitfalls of greedy relatives......
     
  13. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Cheers. I’m sure we could come up with a few more titles.... let you know the update. Just getting the mountain of paperwork for tomorrow x
     
  14. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,286
    Kent
    Good luck at the solicitor's tomorrow
     
  15. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Cheers. May need a drink afterwards xx
     
  16. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Well we’ve been to the solicitors. She has agreed to deal with our issues. I was correct that SIL has no legal rights to have any details of the account between my OH and FIL. she is going to write to SIL that the only contact regarding any legal/financial/allegations are sent direct to our solicitor.she is also going to request copies of all statements relating to my MIL Accounts to ensure that monies are not being misused. She is also said that SIL demands regarding the house and paying her £80,00 verges on blackmail and that is not appropriate to discuss those issues whilst MIL is still alive. We in the meantime now have the tedious job of going through 3 years of bank transactions to state what they were for. It’s safer that we had a joint bank account with MIL but in hindsight would have been preferable to have opened a new one rather than use FIL account. Any discrepancies we have said we are happy to repay. All in all lessons to be learnt. Hopefully this will now take the pressure of us. Lots of other things can be dealt with at a later stage should she wish to escalate the accusations. There is a concern for MIL welfare and that can be addressed confidentially by requesting her GP makes a visit. OH got quite emotional at times and digressed but I was able to bring the conversation back to the basic concerns. All in all a productive, if expensive, meeting.
     
  17. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,286
    Kent
    In my first reply I changed the word from blackmail to bullying regarding the £80k as I thought maybe a bit too strong so it is interesting the solicitor has similar thoughts. This process may be expensive but if receiving a solicitor letter or two helps to bring SIL into line it will be money well spent. I hope that your OH and you can relax a little more now that you have someone backing you ..other than we on TP I and others are totally behind you...suggest glass of wine...warm fire...and dreaded bank statement evening.
     
  18. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    Thank you for your support. We’re both shattered with very little sleep but feeling more positive and stronger. You begin to doubt and question yourself when someone constantly digs away at you. The solicitor was very calm and will start gently and firmly but can do more if SIL continues with her campaign. Funnily enough the solicitor did ask what medical issues SIL suffered from and we did say about her erratic behaviour. Might give ourselves the rest of the day off, relax and drink..... again thank you all, this has certainly helped getting things of my chest and I now feel that I’m not going cpletely crazy xx
     
  19. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    35
    I’m changing my occupation!!! Just received the rates for the solicitor. Hourly rate £175-275 per hour. Initial charges between £750-£1750. Hope it works.
     
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,874
    Female
    Chester
    I think those are fairly normal hourly rates.

    The initial charge estimate sounds very reasonable to me.
     

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