Being accused of misusing fathers account

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Upset and tired, Nov 6, 2018.

  1. nicoise

    nicoise Registered User

    Jun 29, 2010
    I’m sure that has come as a bit of a nasty surprise, but that really is the standard rate depending on the experience of the solicitor concerned. Remember they’ve had to study and fund that to achieve their professional status, plus pay the insurances required by their regulatory body.

    It is also why people threatening legal action really do need a good case to pursue - no reputable solicitor would advise action without an almost watertight complaint.

    Whilst those fees will have poured more salt on the wounds, it does mean that the advice you’ve paid for lets you know where you stand, and will hopefully give you the confidence to shrug off SIL’s attacks. Step back and take stock of the situation, and recuperate. Hopefully it might calm SIL down and you can get back to your normal lives.
  2. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
  3. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    It’s worth it just not to have to deal with SIL direct. I do worry about her mental health. My oH sent some photos of the work being done on MIL house (you can’t stop him still worrying about his mum) SIL has obviously picked up MIL email, and replied thanks for that Love (name). I can’t get my head around it but need to step back, reevaluate what’s more important and crack on with life. Hey ho
  4. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    The saga continues. Received a phone call from MIL at daughters house. She sounded very chipper. After some preliminies she mention that she was in the process of updating her will. SIL has made an appointment with a solicitor and assuming that they have spoken to her about her capability as in MIL words she’s not losing her marbles. She mentioned that SIL got upset when my OH got angry!! She then went on to say that she wanted to make everybody was safe and was changing her will. Mentioned something about the house and my OH not interested in it and I am assuming that it will benefit SIL. I did ask her who’s idea it was, and she said, mine of course. Why do I continue to be surprised. I did ask her to let us have a copy as my OH is still poa and executor of the will along with SIL. that may change. We will contact the solicitor on Monday. Needless to say OH is unhappy about it all.
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    I don't fancy your chances of getting a copy of the will, executors don't normally get a copy other than if the will maker choses to let them have a copy and that's assuming he's an executor in the new will.
    The solicitor may let someone holding an LPA to see the will I believe (from what I've read on here) so that the POA holder doesn't make any financial decisions that impact unfairly on any of the beneficiaries like I did. I closed some of my mum's accounts (she had several) and consolidated the money in just two, problem was the will specified that money from one account was to go to her grandchildren and another account was to be split between some charities.
    As I had all the closing balances for the accounts it was fairly straightforward to put it back to how it should have worked using a deed of variation.
  6. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    Your OH's upset is very understandable. Any changes hinge on MIL mental capacity and I suppose if the solicitor feels that she has that at their meeting...she isn't being coerced/intimidated/instructed to change her will by anybody else ie SIL ...her acceptance/willingness/seeking SIL help...or manipulation/devious and appalling behaviour in our stronger is her right to make her decisions. Your solicitor will no doubt advise on this and the question of copy of will. If the situation has to be accepted and there isn't anything your OH can do about it I would be inclined for OH to write to MIL...setting out in a frank but non confrontational way...his upset and incorrect presumption that he is ok with effectively being disinherited when the time comes. It may make no difference but at least OH will be able to clearly set out directly to his mother why he is upset and be able to perhaps put it all to one side...going back to your view that however appalling this situation is and maybe not able to be concluded satisfactorarily no amount of money is worth ill health and long term upset hanging over for you all.
  7. Georgina63

    Georgina63 Registered User

    Aug 11, 2014
    Hi @Upset and tired,

    Having caught up with this thread, and your dreadful situation, I just wanted to add my support.

    Siblings can be so very hurtful and manipulative, and we need to remind ourselves that we have not behaved in a way which has taken advantage of our parents, actually far from it.

    Although my circumstances are different, with both parents in a CH, the situation with my sibling is similar in many respects. Having been the one responsible for their care throughout, I have been accused of manipulation over a gift of money and sibling would often say to me that my father wasn't happy about it, although that was never said to me direct, and the straw that broke the camel's back was when sibling tried to openly goad my father into telling me. We have joint POA but I have by default looked after the finances as there has been no interest shown in sibling managing this, other than being difficult! I have been asked what written evidence exists, and also if I ever came across a copy of their wills.

    I have felt bullied and threatened, with the implication that I have done something wrong. I've concluded that I cannot change someone else's behaviour and my way of dealing with it is to accept that and minimise contact to protect my own wellbeing.

    I think you have done the right thing to involve a solicitor as an intermediary so you can minimise direct contact. So sorry you are going through this. It does make you evaluate what's really important doesn't it? Take Care, Georgina x
  8. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to let this person have any further impact on our lives, she’s taken too much already and I’ll be damned if she’s going to continue to cause any more upset. I’m a great believer in karma, what goes around comes back and bites you, even if it needs a helping hand. It all comes down to her greed and bullying. I hope my OH can get back to some sort of balance but it may take a while. Now it’s time to concentrate on us and our children. We know that we’ve done all in our power to look after both FIL and MIL and if MIL can’t see her daughter for what she then it’s her loss. I’m sure she won’t go quietly and no doubt she’ll carry on causing mayhem and hurt but now it’s our time to look after ourselves. Looking forward to planning our next trip away in our Motorhome which over the past few years we’ve been limited. At least we can sleep easy at night and I try and remind myself that money isn’t everything and that SIL will never be satisfied. Onwards and upwards. This forum has been an immense help and you realise that there is support out there you just need to reach out and ask. Many thanks and no doubt there will be more to the story.
  9. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Well Done girl!!

  10. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    Agree, you can do without certain people. You sound like a lovely family so leave this person and their toxic presence to get on with themselves. These type of people will never be happy so don't allow them to cause you further unhappiness. Wish you well and the camper sound fun.

    I am all for giving karma a helping hand when needed.
  11. Upset and tired

    Upset and tired Registered User

    Nov 6, 2018
    We’ve been blessed with 2 amazing children and their partners and 4 grandchildren who are the light of our lives. All our families and friends have all said that they’re not surprised with SIL behaviour and that she’ll never be happy until she has whatever it is she wants. It’s brought us all closer together and I’ll be forever grateful for what we have. Time to put this all behind us and enjoy our lives and what is important. I’m sure that there are many others going through similar experiences and if I’ve learned anything is that people like her are not worth worrying about, it’s painful at the time, but you need to move on. I’m so grateful for everybody on this forum who have offered their support, advice and thoughts, many thanks. We thought it was horrific when my darling FIL suffered with Alzheimer’s but I am so grateful he’s not with us to witness what his daughter has done. RIP.
  12. fortune

    fortune Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    .... The ironic thing is that she has told us that she does all her mothers outgoings for her staying at her home in cash so she doesn’t have to disclose it to the taxman. It’s very tempting do go tit for tat but that would be going down to her level.[/QUOTE]

    Erm, she is spending money for a person, with an LPA, but pays cash? Ha, well good luck to her when it comes to probate and she can't produce accurate records or invoices. Even more luck if she happens to be required to explain to the Public Guardian what she spent it on.
  13. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    Tax is no excuse for not having receipts and proper accounts. If SIL buys, say, clothes for her mother a receipt will prove that. If her mother pays her 'rent' that won't be taxable up to £7500 pa. Of course, the real question would be whether she's acting in her mother's best interest.
  14. theunknown

    theunknown Registered User

    Apr 17, 2015
    Not sure about this,although I definitely agree with pouring a drink and having it in front of a fire if it's possible. I thought the people allowed sight of a will were the will-maker and the executor. I'm not convinced having Power of Attorney allows sight of a will, and I don't think a solicitor can over-ride this. If the executor doesn't get a copy, surely it would be wrong to expect them to agree to a (serious) legal duty without letting them know what they were in for?
    I'm executor for my mum's will (since 1997) and know what it says. I also have deputyship for her (past the point of getting PoA UK). A new will may appoint a different executor and new inheritors but the law doesn't change.

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