Dad won't let mum go permanently. No amount of reasoning will change this. It makes no difference how much stress or inconvenience this causes to anyone else. Even though he understands all the arguments.
Although I accept that this is his relationship with her it still impacts on me and it hurts that he does not consider this to be relevant in the slightest. It is very upsetting to be shut out of their relationship like this but it is something over which I have no control. I struggle to deal with it.
How selfish of me, I completely overlooked this paragraph in your reply. We seem to be in exactly the same boat, SisterM. I have no answers, but at least we can support each other. It
is very difficult. I feel that dad has chosen mam over me and I confess that it makes me angry. Well angry is maybe not the right word. I can't think of the right word. But I have no right to be angry because she is his wife, she is his whole life, whereas I have my own life to live - husband, children, job, home, interests - and therefore could not be with dad every day to keep him company if he was without mam. And so this angry feeling, or whatever it is, makes me ashamed of myself. I go round in circles, constantly, about how I feel. I suspect you are the same. Big hugs.
Hi CG
I had a look at the Admiral Nurses site for you and there is a place where they operate from in Grimsby - its called NAVIGO Care - not sure if that's near you? But even if its not you can still give them a bell - they are really helpful.
That's so kind, Z&Z, I appreciate that. Unfortunately Grimsby is nowhere near me (in Cleveland area) but I take your point about ringing them anyway. Perhaps they would have some ideas or suggestions. I will look into that, thank you.
Reading your point re your mams consultant being anti-meds - she is entitled to her opinion - but that doesn't mean she is right and she is not the one that is living with/dealing with your mam on a daily basis is she?
I know, that's what we keep trying to tell her! Her heart is in the right place, don't get me wrong. She is very keen to do what is best for mam, it's just that what she thinks is best and what dad thinks is best is often two different things! She is, however, supportive of his desire to keep mam at home, whilst at the same time spelling out to him that eventually she may have to overrule him if she/we can't persuade him otherwise if and when the time comes. But for the moment, she supports him in that way.
I agree with SisterMillicent re antipsyhotic drugs - they definitely helped my mom come back from the edge when she was sectioned last year. I also understand your dads fear of an increased risk of stroke too - but every med has side effects of some description and if we read all the side effects we'd probably never take any at all would we?
This is so true. I put off taking antidepressants for ages because I was scared of the suicidal feelings that were one of the side effects. Those rare side effects have never materialised and in fact I think the tablets have just about been the saving of me. Perhaps I should mention the anti-psychotics to dad again. I'm so pleased to hear of some positive experiences.
I have an easier ride than you in that my (disabled) dad is not in good health either and - he goes along with anything that I suggest - its good on one hand - but on the other hand its an increased burden for me as I constantly ask myself am I doing the right thing???? I don't know.... but I know I am trying hard to make my moms quality of life as good as I can in the circumstances.
I think you're doing a fantastic job supporting your parents. I would question whether you have an easier ride than me ... certainly although dad has many health problems, he is not disabled. I think you have it tougher.
Whichever way is torture I know..... I hope you are having a better day - sending you lots of cuddles xx
Aw, all cuddles very welcome. I can almost feel them! Right back atcher!
By the way - sorry for the humongous post - you might all be interested to hear that dad managed to phone me this morning before mam got up and I told him about Fiona's idea. Surprisingly he was quite interested and is going to mention it to the social worker next week while mam is in respite.
So, thank you so much Fiona, it's something I'd never have thought of myself. Perhaps this will be the dawning of a new era.
Many thanks all, I don't know what I'd do without you. Wish there was a kissing smiley, because you all deserve a great big one!