It will make a change to stick in labels instead of pads,.
Lol!
What am I going to do with all that double sided tape?!
At the end of my tether...
- Thread starter Bunpoots
- Start date
Lol!
What am I going to do with all that double sided tape?!
When I visited dad yesterday he thought I had come to take him home .
I told him the decorators were in so he'd have to stay a while longer. What else could I say except a variation on the same theme - new carpet being laid - new gas boiler fitted so it's cold...
At the moment it's sort of true - but dad will never "go home" again - not to wherever he thinks home is. It's breaking my heart to have to empty his bungalow. I know a lot of you have been through the same.
My one consolation is that it's not our family home where we were born and grew up. It's not the home that dad built for mum. That makes it a little easier
On a brighter note the shabby home is getting a refurb. When I arrived yesterday the disgusting carpet was being ripped up...
Hope they don't put their prices up
.I told him the decorators were in so he'd have to stay a while longer. What else could I say except a variation on the same theme - new carpet being laid - new gas boiler fitted so it's cold...
At the moment it's sort of true - but dad will never "go home" again - not to wherever he thinks home is. It's breaking my heart to have to empty his bungalow. I know a lot of you have been through the same.
My one consolation is that it's not our family home where we were born and grew up. It's not the home that dad built for mum. That makes it a little easier
On a brighter note the shabby home is getting a refurb. When I arrived yesterday the disgusting carpet was being ripped up...
Hope they don't put their prices up
Thinking of you @Bunpoots
It's so hard, isn't it? Mum always thinks I'll take her 'home' too - even after over three years in a care home I usually blame the doctor for not releasing her....
I also found it very hard clearing her flat, even though she'd 'only' lived there for 25 years, she and dad having previously sold the family home. What it did mean was that whatever she had, she'd seen fit to save from that previous move, so it was awful having to dispose of it. The few things I'd have liked, such as dad's wedding ring, her engagement ring and a necklace that dad brought back for mum from the Far East after the war, I never did find....... It was quick, though - we had three days to do it all before our daughter's wedding and a knee op that was scheduled for me
Good luck with it all, it sounds as though it's going as well as it can.....
Love
Lindy xx
It's so hard, isn't it? Mum always thinks I'll take her 'home' too - even after over three years in a care home
I usually blame the doctor for not releasing her....I also found it very hard clearing her flat, even though she'd 'only' lived there for 25 years, she and dad having previously sold the family home. What it did mean was that whatever she had, she'd seen fit to save from that previous move, so it was awful having to dispose of it. The few things I'd have liked, such as dad's wedding ring, her engagement ring and a necklace that dad brought back for mum from the Far East after the war, I never did find.......
It was quick, though - we had three days to do it all before our daughter's wedding and a knee op that was scheduled for me Good luck with it all, it sounds as though it's going as well as it can.....
Love
Lindy xx
Hopefully @Bunpoots your dad will soon feel he is at home.
I know the excuses are hard to make and you feel deceptive making them but that too will become easier as your dad settles.
Emptying the bungalow while your dad is still living is a soul destroying task. When I emptied my mother`s bungalow I expected her to appear at any time asking what I was doing with her possessions.
There's no escaping these awful responsibilities . Be comforted in knowing you are in good company and everything you do is for your dad, whether he understands it or not.
Thanks guys. I went to the bungalow today with the intention of clearing a room. I managed a cupboard!! I have to do better. Dad needs the rent money!!
I'm never going to tell him he can't go home but it feels so wrong...I know you understand
I've got rid of his bed but can't get the sofa out of the room. How did he get it in...?
I'm never going to tell him he can't go home but it feels so wrong...I know you understand
I've got rid of his bed but can't get the sofa out of the room
. How did he get it in...?
I’m in the process of clearing my garage of the stuff I cleared from mums house once she went into care.
I did a heartbreaking decision - just store it in my garage until I’m ready to deal with it.
It’s heartbreaking because old thoughts, that I thought were dealt with, have been haunting me. It’s finding stuff that I had forgotten about and re living painful emotions that I hope you never have to do in the future. Stay strong. Know that others are holding your hand whilst you are having to do this oh so painful thing and only store stuff that you really want to keep, not stuff you think you should.
I’m not fully ready to deal with it, but it’s been in my garage over 4 years
I did a heartbreaking decision - just store it in my garage until I’m ready to deal with it.
It’s heartbreaking because old thoughts, that I thought were dealt with, have been haunting me. It’s finding stuff that I had forgotten about and re living painful emotions that I hope you never have to do in the future. Stay strong. Know that others are holding your hand whilst you are having to do this oh so painful thing and only store stuff that you really want to keep, not stuff you think you should.
I’m not fully ready to deal with it, but it’s been in my garage over 4 years
Thanks guys. I went to the bungalow today with the intention of clearing a room. I managed a cupboard!! I have to do better. Dad needs the rent money!!
I'm never going to tell him he can't go home but it feels so wrong...I know you understand
I've got rid of his bed but can't get the sofa out of the room
Oh Bunpoots I know just what you mean. I went to M.I.L's house with the intention of clearing a room or at least half lol. Like you I managed a cupboard in her kitchen. Bin full of out of date packets and open jars. Felt exhausted just doing that to be honest. I'm dreading having to empty the house completely to sell the house !
I know just what you mean @2jays. So far I've resisted the temptation to store everything in my garage. It's pretty full of my building stuff anyway. But my front room is slowly filling up. I need to make the decisions in situ
My cupboard was in the kitchen too @BLIP. I think that's somehow less personal and easier to deal with. I was thinking about you, not heard anything from you for a while. How's things?
My cupboard was in the kitchen too @BLIP. I think that's somehow less personal and easier to deal with. I was thinking about you, not heard anything from you for a while. How's things?
I was hoping that getting dad settled into the Carehome would reduce my stress levels but this doesn't seem to be the case! I don't seem able to motivate myself to do anything that I know has to be done.
Yesterday I went to see dad only to find him in a very uncommunicative mood. He'd apparently been giving the staff a hard time again - telling everyone to " **** off!" (Manager didn't tell me which choice of expletive he had for the poor carers) and refusing to eat or take his pills. I feel like giving up. I wish it was all over.
My friend who used to help with his cleaning etc when I was at work went to visit after lunch and he was all sweetness and light with her! How long to I have to leave him before I get the benefit of "host mode"?
I've got to finish sorting his bungalow so I thought it would be a good idea to book the carpet fitting for Friday which will force me to sort out his rooms by then. I'm stressed about this now. But at least it will be done soon.
And on top of this I think I'm going doolally - dad's got a financial assessment which I have to deal with, and Inspite of listing it in my diary (with an alert for the day before) I spent 3 hrs on Monday morning waiting around for a non existent appointment until I eventually realised that it was the wrong Monday!!
Still - at least I spent a stress busting hour on my bike, set up on a turbo trainer in the front room and caught up on Sunday's episode of Doctor Who.
I'm still very very stressed though. And I'll be glad when the financial assessment is done...
Yesterday I went to see dad only to find him in a very uncommunicative mood. He'd apparently been giving the staff a hard time again - telling everyone to " **** off!" (Manager didn't tell me which choice of expletive he had for the poor carers) and refusing to eat or take his pills. I feel like giving up. I wish it was all over.
My friend who used to help with his cleaning etc when I was at work went to visit after lunch and he was all sweetness and light with her! How long to I have to leave him before I get the benefit of "host mode"
?I've got to finish sorting his bungalow so I thought it would be a good idea to book the carpet fitting for Friday which will force me to sort out his rooms by then. I'm stressed about this now
. But at least it will be done soon.And on top of this I think I'm going doolally - dad's got a financial assessment which I have to deal with, and Inspite of listing it in my diary (with an alert for the day before) I spent 3 hrs on Monday morning waiting around for a non existent appointment until I eventually realised that it was the wrong Monday!!
Still - at least I spent a stress busting hour on my bike, set up on a turbo trainer in the front room and caught up on Sunday's episode of Doctor Who.
I'm still very very stressed though. And I'll be glad when the financial assessment is done...
I'm still waiting for the result of the financial assessment but I have got some way with clearing dad's bungalow. Frustratingly though his furniture which I'd arranged to be picked up by a certain heart charity on Thursday has still not been moved as I didn't receive the promised phone call to tell me that they were on their way so I've just had a note pushed through the letterbox... Got to try again on Monday now. I can think of better ways to spend a Monday afternoon than sitting in dad's bungalow waiting for a driver who doesn't know how to make a phone call .
I'm feeling very down and guilty because dad is in the Carehome. He's refusing to join in with the activities on offer and prefers to spend all his time in his room - doing nothing and engaging with no-one. I'm feeling guilty because I think I should visit more often and make sure he isn't bored, but when I get there he just sits there with his eyes closed...and I want to leave...
I'm seriously considering taking one of the bunnies with me so I have someone to talk to
It was better when he was in the lounge - at least I had some sort of interaction with people. It seems that dad has gone...
.I'm feeling very down and guilty because dad is in the Carehome. He's refusing to join in with the activities on offer and prefers to spend all his time in his room - doing nothing and engaging with no-one. I'm feeling guilty because I think I should visit more often and make sure he isn't bored, but when I get there he just sits there with his eyes closed...and I want to leave...
I'm seriously considering taking one of the bunnies with me so I have someone to talk to
It was better when he was in the lounge - at least I had some sort of interaction with people. It seems that dad has gone...
I'm still waiting for the result of the financial assessment but I have got some way with clearing dad's bungalow. Frustratingly though his furniture which I'd arranged to be picked up by a certain heart charity on Thursday has still not been moved as I didn't receive the promised phone call to tell me that they were on their way so I've just had a note pushed through the letterbox... Got to try again on Monday now. I can think of better ways to spend a Monday afternoon than sitting in dad's bungalow waiting for a driver who doesn't know how to make a phone call
I'm feeling very down and guilty because dad is in the Carehome. He's refusing to join in with the activities on offer and prefers to spend all his time in his room - doing nothing and engaging with no-one. I'm feeling guilty because I think I should visit more often and make sure he isn't bored, but when I get there he just sits there with his eyes closed...and I want to leave...
I'm seriously considering taking one of the bunnies with me so I have someone to talk to
It was better when he was in the lounge - at least I had some sort of interaction with people. It seems that dad has gone...
I had exactly the same experience with the heart charity when mum moved into her Assisted living last year. I waited in from 7am on a Saturday till their final arrival at 9pm (after several steadily angrier calls from me). On arrival the guys could not have been grumpier if they tried.
I too struggle to engage with mum now and, like you there are times I just want to leave. It makes me so sad
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) @Bunpoots - you are at a very hard stage when everything is new and raw and there are still masses of things to organise.
I found a bottle wine helped enormously when clearing out mums bungalow...........
I would open a cupboard and be faced with something that sent me off to have a little weep somewhere else.
A friend of mums helped me clear things out. Yes, having someone else to talk to helped a lot and Im sure one of the bunnies would be a good listener
Get rid of the guilt monster
- there is no need to feel guilty (although I know we all do) and dont feel you have to visit your dad more often. He is adjusting too and needs to be able to look to the carers to meet his needs. Its still early days
I found a bottle wine helped enormously when clearing out mums bungalow...........
I would open a cupboard and be faced with something that sent me off to have a little weep somewhere else.
A friend of mums helped me clear things out. Yes, having someone else to talk to helped a lot and Im sure one of the bunnies would be a good listener
Get rid of the guilt monster
I've had trouble with them not turning up before when I had to clear my aunts bungalow. It's all really nice stuff. You'd think they'd be grateful!! But I suppose they don't know what they're getting til they arrive
I'll use that stick @canary and see if I can knock that guilt monster off my shoulder. He has really sharp claws at the moment!!
Hi @Bunpoots and I'm sorry you're feeling low. Like you, I have found that mum being in a care home doesn't relieve me nearly as much as I might have anticipated.....I don't know the details of her day to day life any more and as she lives only in the present (with hints of the 1930's) that can make communication ever more difficult. Yet I feel I must see her several times a week and that guilt monster gets me if I don't
I had a GP appointment recently, just for a medication review (for me) and found I started to sob and couldn't stop. The GP now wants me to have some CBT sessions and also offered medication, which I refused.
I've not been on TP much recently as I feel I've done all I can, and have nothing left to say.
Yet, here I am jumping on your thread
Sorry and hope things are better for you soon.
Lindy xx
I had a GP appointment recently, just for a medication review (for me) and found I started to sob and couldn't stop. The GP now wants me to have some CBT sessions and also offered medication, which I refused.
I've not been on TP much recently as I feel I've done all I can, and have nothing left to say.
Yet, here I am jumping on your thread
Sorry and hope things are better for you soon.
Lindy xx
Hi @bunboots reading your thread helped me so much. Mum hasn't settled into her Care home keeps escaping and is so aggressive she has ended up in the local Mental Health Hospital so I don't know where all this will lead. a new care home I reckon. It was a very nice looking home and the staff seem lovely but she was very bored in her lucid moments and trying to get out when the Dementia mist came down she got out several times and the last time the Police were called and she went missing all day awful awful day. I didn't about the Dementia quality Mark I will check that out. I am an only child with a wonderful supportive hubby but he is recovering from a gall bladder operation that made him unwell and three grown up Daughters who are amazing in how they step up for me but we are all finding it so hard we are losing our Mum and Nan. I spent an afternoon starting to clear out her home but then hubby was unwell so I will have to start again. It just made me cry its not a lot to show for a lifetime of working and I still can't find her wedding ring and watch that she swears is in the house but who knows.... The most worrying thing so far is my Dad's ashes are in the house and so far we don't know what she has done with them he hasn't been found yet!!!! You have to laugh or you would cry all the time. Thank you, you are all making me feel I am not alone in a horrid time, goldie girl xx
Hi @Lindy50. I now have friends and family who are expecting me to be turning cartwheels because I don't have to deal with dad's day to day care anymore. Instead I find myself worrying (tearfully at times) about him all the time and, of course, I still have to clear and clean and decorate his bungalow to get it rented ASAP. I'm busier now than I was before. I suppose it will settle eventually.
Please feel free to "jump on my thread" any time! It helps no end to know other people feel the same and I'm not going crazy
@Goldie Girl - I hope your hubby makes a fast recovery. It's lovely to hear you have a supportive family. When mine offer support, which is rarely, it really helps. My kids are great but I don't want to burden them with something that my siblings should be doing. Brother and sister seem more concerned with losing their inheritance than with losing dad. It makes me very sad.
It's dad's 90th birthday the day before bonfire night. I wonder if they'll even bother to turn up...
I've just googled Dementia Qualiy Mark as I've never heard it talked about on here and I thought it might be just local. Apparently not - but I'm not sure if every council uses it. Our council pay an extra £50 to the homes geared up for dementia patients for every PWD they take on.
Please feel free to "jump on my thread" any time! It helps no end to know other people feel the same and I'm not going crazy
@Goldie Girl - I hope your hubby makes a fast recovery. It's lovely to hear you have a supportive family. When mine offer support, which is rarely, it really helps. My kids are great but I don't want to burden them with something that my siblings should be doing. Brother and sister seem more concerned with losing their inheritance than with losing dad. It makes me very sad.
It's dad's 90th birthday the day before bonfire night. I wonder if they'll even bother to turn up...
I've just googled Dementia Qualiy Mark as I've never heard it talked about on here and I thought it might be just local. Apparently not - but I'm not sure if every council uses it. Our council pay an extra £50 to the homes geared up for dementia patients for every PWD they take on.
