At the end of my tether...
- Thread starter Bunpoots
- Start date
I'll keep fingers crossed for your dad's continued recovery and for knee, Bunpoots. They are annoyingly fragile things. I hope the Social Worker can get the assessment bed now the doctor is satisfied your dad is responding well to treatment.
Dad is being discharged into a care home for assessment by social worker with a view to him being returned home.
He can't go home. We were barely managing before
He can't go home. We were barely managing before
I think this is a standard line @Bunpoots
Do you know how long he will be in the care home for assessment? My mum went from hospital to a care home for 6 weeks reablement with a view to her returning home. At the end of the six weeks there was a Best Interest meeting and there it was unanimously decided that mum should stay in that care home.
Insist that you cannot look after him now.
Do you know how long he will be in the care home for assessment? My mum went from hospital to a care home for 6 weeks reablement with a view to her returning home. At the end of the six weeks there was a Best Interest meeting and there it was unanimously decided that mum should stay in that care home.
Insist that you cannot look after him now.
The social worker said 3-4 weeks when I first spoke to her @canary but they seem to like changing the goal posts...
The crazy thing is dad will be self-funding as he has about £80-90k in his share of a property, but close to the under £23k in savings. So I dare not go ahead and move him into a home in case he outlives his savings and SS say I've moved him too soon.
I don't think he's got long to go, but who knows?
And no, I can't look after him now.
The crazy thing is dad will be self-funding as he has about £80-90k in his share of a property, but close to the under £23k in savings. So I dare not go ahead and move him into a home in case he outlives his savings and SS say I've moved him too soon.
I don't think he's got long to go, but who knows?
And no, I can't look after him now.
Make sure there is a Best Interest meeting at the end of the time period (however long that is) and stick to your gunsAnd no, I can't look after him now.
I will stick to my guns - now that I've discovered I can say no. And then have to live with the guilt that follows, but I'm sure we all know that feeling!
I'm really glad I didn't visit the home dad's been sent to before he went in. It's shabby and has a faintly unpleasant aroma. It has a rating of good in all areas from the CQC and 5 (highest) from the council which theoretically puts it level with the one I wanted dad to go to - but...
I don't like it.
I suppose what matters most is that dad is ok there - and he doesn't know where he is even when he's home. The staff don't seem to understand dementia in the way that the people at the other home did. They're OK - but...
When we pulled in to the car park the first letter of the home's name had dropped off the sign - which immediately made me think of Fawlty Towers
And that impression continued...
I don't think dad is impressed - he's already sworn at someone and thrown his drink at another resident so when we arrived he was sitting directly in front of the TV but not really watching it. Sis and I managed to get him to finish his tea - white bread cheese sandwiches and monster munch - not impressed. He'll be constipated, or maybe he already is and that's why he got aggressive.
The staff are good in some ways, we were reassured that dad's outburst was not a problem and, as it's not his normal behaviour, they will check for infection if it continues.
But still - Farwty Towels!!!
I don't like it.
I suppose what matters most is that dad is ok there - and he doesn't know where he is even when he's home. The staff don't seem to understand dementia in the way that the people at the other home did. They're OK - but...
When we pulled in to the car park the first letter of the home's name had dropped off the sign - which immediately made me think of Fawlty Towers
And that impression continued...
I don't think dad is impressed - he's already sworn at someone and thrown his drink at another resident so when we arrived he was sitting directly in front of the TV but not really watching it. Sis and I managed to get him to finish his tea - white bread cheese sandwiches and monster munch - not impressed
. He'll be constipated, or maybe he already is and that's why he got aggressive.The staff are good in some ways, we were reassured that dad's outburst was not a problem and, as it's not his normal behaviour, they will check for infection if it continues.
But still - Farwty Towels!!!
Shabby is OK @Bunpoots but the whiffy aroma is suspect. Is it the same every time you visit or might it be a one off.
There was the smell of a toilet accident on one occasion when I visited my husband and I remember thinking if that had been my first visit I wouldn't have chosen the home for him.
There was the smell of a toilet accident on one occasion when I visited my husband and I remember thinking if that had been my first visit I wouldn't have chosen the home for him.
It's only a very slight aroma @Grannie G and I know how difficult it is to get the smells out once they've dried. It's upstairs that I noticed it. Dad's only been there one full day so far but I noticed, yesterday, that the landing carpet looked filthy. I don't see how the place can be so highly rated. Also the food hygiene rating was only 3 so cleaning is probably not on the top of the list for them
I have to leave him there for 4 weeks @canary. We've just been back to our chosen home and spoken to them about the situation and told them we would still like a place there if possible. It's so different. The carers at "Faulty Towers" are keen and clueless. I think dad reacted the way he did because they talk so fast even I have difficulty following them!!!!
And I know this sounds awful - but they're just not our sort of people. They seem normal in the other Carehome and so much more clued up.
And I know this sounds awful - but they're just not our sort of people. They seem normal in the other Carehome and so much more clued up.
Well, if you cant move him for 4 weeks that does at least give you a chance to be really certain about things.
Will there be a Best Interest meeting at the end of these 4 weeks? If so that would be a good time to say that you would like her moved. At mums Best Interest meeting the purpose of it was to decide whether mum would be well enough to return home (wasnt going to happen), whether she should stay at her present care home, or whether she would be moving somewhere else (possibly my home, but that wasnt going to happen either).
Will there be a Best Interest meeting at the end of these 4 weeks? If so that would be a good time to say that you would like her moved. At mums Best Interest meeting the purpose of it was to decide whether mum would be well enough to return home (wasnt going to happen), whether she should stay at her present care home, or whether she would be moving somewhere else (possibly my home, but that wasnt going to happen either).
Yes, I think there will be a best interests meeting and he will be moved somewhere else. The social worker has told me that they are officially aiming to send him home but I do not intend to let this happen.
Well, I think thats the official aim in all cases, even when everyone knows that it wont be possible
And dad certainly can't move in with me - even if I was willing (which I'm not) a he couldn't manage the stairs and there isn't much room to manoeuvre in my hall. Also I couldn't get his wheelchair/ rotunda they the downstairs loo door.
The social worker is busy looking for evidence that he isn't safe to be sent home so I don't really expect that to happen. She remembers dad as a teacher at her secondary school. I hope he wasn't a mean teacher!!
