Please forgive this very lengthy post - but I am at my wit’s end & had to get it out there!
My Dad & I are at-home carers for my Mum (diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year). We knew it would be tough but neither of us were ready for the heartbreak of her regularply asking for her parents (she’s 79 so you won’t be surprised to learn they died many years ago). Akthough the sting has worn off somewhat.
Anyway flash forward to now when she often doesn’t recognise who we are. Or sometimes does, but doesn’t seem to have a handle on what that relationship means. She has intermittant spell of paranoia means she thinks no-one likes her (she has always been much loved & deeply respected). She also rarely derives any comfort from either of us, accuses people (sometimes literally just ‘people’) of moving anything she’s forgotten she’s moved herself. She’ll ask where her parents are, where her husband is (like me, Dad’s at home with her most of the time) and where her daughter (me), her son/the children are (I’m an only child in her 50s). She has spells of anxiety, paranoia & rambling on random subjects lasting 2-3 hours. This used to happen only occasionally, then every few days, as of now we’ve gone at least three weeks with at least one change a day, usually at least 2, sometimes more. Almost always we get a problem at just before 2pm. . If she is out of the house at that time she generally starts up as soon as she gets home. But it can also occur at any time, although first thing in the morning, evenings & last thing at night are most common.
If she’s not satisfied to our answers about her parents she accuses us of either of lying, keeping information from her, or or ’not being very helpful’. Or claims that her parents ignore her, told her to go away, left her behind - when, in fact, they were utterly lovely! She has also recently told each of us that the other one either tried, or threatened, to kill her.
Today has been a nightmare because we’ve had everything thrown at us. The usual 2pm session in which she introduced new imaginary aspects - other family, another husband, a wife (!), a couple that also live here, jobs she never had, etc.
And then there was tonight. At midnight she decided she didn’t know who the strange man in the bed was. Dad decided it was best to get out of bed & sleep on the bedroom couch, but she pursued him and (I can hardly believe I am typing this) smacked him around the head several times. He had to hold back her arm to prevent more blows. I’ve seen her have a couple of swipes at him before, but nothing of this level. While we decided how to proceed - do we call for help? Who do we call? Should I sleep in her room instead etc - she calmed down and even invited him into bed ‘so he could be more comfortable’. So far as I can tell, they are now both in bed (although probably not both asleep.
. I, however, am wide awake and listening out for any little sound from downstairs (my room is the floor above). Is there anyone out there who’s been through this? Or could offer some guidance? Right now I don’t know who to turn to! I’m also worried for my Dad because he’s a similar age & although fairly hale & hearty, it’s weighing him down too.
My Dad & I are at-home carers for my Mum (diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year). We knew it would be tough but neither of us were ready for the heartbreak of her regularply asking for her parents (she’s 79 so you won’t be surprised to learn they died many years ago). Akthough the sting has worn off somewhat.
Anyway flash forward to now when she often doesn’t recognise who we are. Or sometimes does, but doesn’t seem to have a handle on what that relationship means. She has intermittant spell of paranoia means she thinks no-one likes her (she has always been much loved & deeply respected). She also rarely derives any comfort from either of us, accuses people (sometimes literally just ‘people’) of moving anything she’s forgotten she’s moved herself. She’ll ask where her parents are, where her husband is (like me, Dad’s at home with her most of the time) and where her daughter (me), her son/the children are (I’m an only child in her 50s). She has spells of anxiety, paranoia & rambling on random subjects lasting 2-3 hours. This used to happen only occasionally, then every few days, as of now we’ve gone at least three weeks with at least one change a day, usually at least 2, sometimes more. Almost always we get a problem at just before 2pm. . If she is out of the house at that time she generally starts up as soon as she gets home. But it can also occur at any time, although first thing in the morning, evenings & last thing at night are most common.
If she’s not satisfied to our answers about her parents she accuses us of either of lying, keeping information from her, or or ’not being very helpful’. Or claims that her parents ignore her, told her to go away, left her behind - when, in fact, they were utterly lovely! She has also recently told each of us that the other one either tried, or threatened, to kill her.
Today has been a nightmare because we’ve had everything thrown at us. The usual 2pm session in which she introduced new imaginary aspects - other family, another husband, a wife (!), a couple that also live here, jobs she never had, etc.
And then there was tonight. At midnight she decided she didn’t know who the strange man in the bed was. Dad decided it was best to get out of bed & sleep on the bedroom couch, but she pursued him and (I can hardly believe I am typing this) smacked him around the head several times. He had to hold back her arm to prevent more blows. I’ve seen her have a couple of swipes at him before, but nothing of this level. While we decided how to proceed - do we call for help? Who do we call? Should I sleep in her room instead etc - she calmed down and even invited him into bed ‘so he could be more comfortable’. So far as I can tell, they are now both in bed (although probably not both asleep.
. I, however, am wide awake and listening out for any little sound from downstairs (my room is the floor above). Is there anyone out there who’s been through this? Or could offer some guidance? Right now I don’t know who to turn to! I’m also worried for my Dad because he’s a similar age & although fairly hale & hearty, it’s weighing him down too.
