Argues with only me

[nufc4me]

Hi
Im at a loss
Im carng for my Dad who has dementia. Hes 87 and lives alone next to me.
Hes sleeping from 10pm until 1pm the following day i have to leave work and go home to get him up
Hes screaming at me saying he wants to sta in bed and die
Yet when my daughter goes around he dances and sings with her
I go in to see him after work and he shouts at me hes bored and wants to die and tries to argue with me all the time but is nice with neighbours and others.
He only eats breakfast i put out for him and bins lunchs and dinners and only eard sweets and buiscuits and drs say its fine. He argues with me at the drop of a hat and calls me stupid and im the onecaring for him

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Hi
Im at a loss
Im carng for my Dad who has dementia. Hes 87 and lives alone next to me.
Hes sleeping from 10pm until 1pm the following day i have to leave work and go home to get him up
Hes screaming at me saying he wants to sta in bed and die
Yet when my daughter goes around he dances and sings with her
I go in to see him after work and he shouts at me hes bored and wants to die and tries to argue with me all the time but is nice with neighbours and others.
He only eats breakfast i put out for him and bins lunchs and dinners and only eard sweets and buiscuits and drs say its fine. He argues with me at the drop of a hat and calls me stupid and im the onecaring for him

I think it's time to step back, be a daughter and let carers take over.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @nufc4me and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum but sorry to hear about the difficult time you are having with your dad. It's not easy caring for someone with dementia but you will find friendly support here from people who understand. Unfortunately it's not uncommon for those who are undertaking the most caring and/or see the person more frequently to be on the receiving end of criticism, arguments etc whilst visitors or professionals are presented with a completely different side. It's referred to on here as host/hostess mode and it's difficult to deal with when you're the person on the receiving end of the criticism or nastiness but others don't see it. You have been doing a lot for your dad, plus going to work too, and the suggestion above to take a step back is a good one. Getting professional carers in to help your dad doesn't mean that you have stopped caring for him. If you haven't already done so, think about contacting the local authority adult social care team to request a care needs assessment for your dad to see what help and support they can provide. If your dad is saying he is bored at home all day then there may be day centres or other types of clubs/activities that he could take part in to provide some company and stimulation during the day. The link below explains the care needs assessment process:

The care needs assessment: support for people with dementia

This page looks at how a person with dementia can get a care assessment, who does an assessment, how they are carried out, who makes the decision, and tips for making the most of the care needs assessment. It also explains the eligibility criteria.

www.alzheimers.org.uk