Any advice would be grateful...

kimnjohn69

Registered User
Dec 21, 2023
17
0
Hi All,
My mum is 89,nearly 90, and has vascular dementia, heart failure, aortic stenosis and other heart and health problems.Mum has been over the past 2 weekends,deteriorating and had to call princess alice to come out to help.My sister lives with my mum and dad she is my mums carer,, who's 85 with health problems too. The GP and District nurse came out yesturday,as its protocol, for dr every 28 days, but my problem is, my sister is very controlling. Previously she has altered mums medication as she doesn't trust what the medical staff have told her mum needs.Mum is on liquid oxycodone 2mg 4 hourly, last weekend it was 2 hourly,as mums breathing and agitation was very bad.My sister was told to leave mum in her bed as she needs to be comfortable with dignity.Within a hour of the nurses leaving my sister got mum out of bed,in her chair.Mum hadn't eaten for two days,semi conscious,but when she got mum up she gave her 3 cups water and food. This is ongoing with her, she wakes mum,has mum in her chair from 8 am to 8 pm, only in bed for change, hoisted. Me and my sister are always arguing and it has come to the point I cannot be alone with her. If my mum has bad night she takes her frustration out on my dad, he is a shadow of the man he was, doesn't say anything to her, he has copd and she gets him so upset and stressed it triggers his copd exasperation. My sister stopped the carers coming to mum and got my two daughters to say they will commit to the changes with mum,but it has become apparent that my sister is to much for them, telling them what to do, what is right and wrong with mums medication and eating drinking,everything. Over the weekend just gone nurses had to come out as my mum wasn't waking for her oxycodone so they came and gave it to her.Since then the Dr and nurse came out and have said mum needs the slow release oxy, last night she tried one tablet, and today has given mum liquid form too,mu mum today, I spoke to her on the phone, is confused, breathless, not wanting to eat or drink, I can hear she is struggling,but my sister has spoken to princess alice and put to them the slow release made mum more breathless, but she didn't give it time, and she gave liquid this morning too. Mu sister also wakes mum on n off all day, pushing food and drink, mum is having problems swallowing and gers very agitated in the night. my sister will wake mum a few times in night changing her pad moving her.I am so worried, and feel totally useless, I don't get told anything by my sister I am told my my daughters. I just tried with her but she's so paranoid and controlling, even argues with medical professionals about mums medication.They are saying medication will stop soon but she told my daughter she has some extra of mums medication upstairs.I have mental health problems, and did try the caring but in the end it was so heated I had to stop as its cruel on my mum and dad.if anyone can give me advixe what to do next I'd be grateful Kim
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,048
0
South coast
Hello @kimnjohn69

I would write to your mums GP explaining what is going on, especially with regard to your mums medication as this sounds like a safeguarding issue to me.

Do you think your sister may have dementia too?
 

kimnjohn69

Registered User
Dec 21, 2023
17
0
I don't think she does, she is very internet friendly and talks all medicine jargon to the drs etc and they know she shouldn't be questioning them.my mums dr is my dr too,and I'm lucky I can talk to her, I dud raise a safeguarding last year, but she talked herself out of it.I am always updating my dr but last weekend the princess alice nurse signaled a raise for concern, as my sister was told not to get mum out of bed but when the nurse came back she had mum in her chair.she is very manipulative and controlling, gets very obsessive with my mum.saying it's my mum she's my world.I worry so much