Hi I have wrote on here a few times.My mum is later stage vascular dementia heart failure, over the last 2 days she has deteriorated again.Sleeping majority of the day, her eating and drinking is minimal,when she is awake enough.She is mumbling alot and says body aches and asks to be in bed.It was agreed that mum be in bed 50%of the day, and food and drink when she asks or shows signs of wanting something.My sister is her main carer, and me and her really don't get on.I cannot be around her but want to see my mum and dad, She makes a point of being spiteful and belittling me,because we have had major fall outs in mum and dad's home, I don't entertain her now,but today I went to see my parents, and my mum asked 5 times to go in bed, but my sister wanted mum in chair.Mum is aching, falling asleep.I get no quality time with my parents, my dad won't talk as he's scared of her.Is there anyone I can contact or talk to to get time with my parents without her being there.My sister isn't listening to what is advised by pallative nurses and GP, she's meant to leave mum upto 6 hours at night with pad changes, but every 3 hours she wakes mum to change her, she keeps waking mum to have food drink, medication.I am just wondering what can be done.Im struggling mentally to cope with how she is with my mum and dad.any advice would be appreciated thanks Kim
Any advice will be greatly appreciated
- Thread starter kimnjohn69
- Start date
It is difficult if she's the main carer but does she change mum's pad three hourly because the bedding gets wet otherwise? It's easy for people to say leave her six hours but they don't do the bed changing and associated washing and drying. Caring for someone incontinent is very hard work as I'm just starting to find out.
If you want to see your parents without her there could you offer to sit with them so she can go out one evening. Make it sound as if you are helping her out.
If you want to see your parents without her there could you offer to sit with them so she can go out one evening. Make it sound as if you are helping her out.
Hello @kimnjohn69 I posted on one of your previous threads and sorry to hear that the situation hasn't improved. Have you managed to call the Dementia Support Line yet, or spoken to social services about what's going on? This is a difficult situation for the whole family, complicated by the relationship breakdown between yourself and your sister, and it does seem as though you need some professional help to ensure that your mum and dad are getting the level of care and support that they both need. It might also be a good idea to speak to your GP too about how you are struggling mentally at the moment so that they can help. The people at the Dementia Support Line will listen and be able to suggest a way forward so please think about giving them a call:
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Thank you for your messages, I will call the dementia support line and try my gp tomorrow again.if as suggested I offer to sit with my mum and dad while she goes out,one, she wouldn't leave my mum incase it was taken out of her hands, and two,she doesn't trust anyone with my mum.Tells my dad she's the only one who cares about my mum, and to mind his own business if he offers advice or his opinion. As for the changing every 3 hours, it's not because my mum soaks through, it's for her to wake my mum, she tries getting drink down her in the night.I visit nearly every day but I can't be around my sister for long.It is so toxic for mum and dad, with her belittling me, sarcasm and spiteful way she is towards me.Asin my previous posts, me and her have gone head to head and its turned nasty a few times, as she provokes me with cruel wicked mouth of hers.So now I walk away as its not fair on my parents as she won't stop.
Hello @kimnjohn69
Ive posted on your previous threads too, but the more I hear about your situation, the more I am getting concerned that there is something seriously wrong with your sister
Have you made the GP aware of your concerns about the whole situation, including how your sister is behaving?
Ive posted on your previous threads too, but the more I hear about your situation, the more I am getting concerned that there is something seriously wrong with your sister
Have you made the GP aware of your concerns about the whole situation, including how your sister is behaving?
I have triage my dr, and I've asked my sister for 3 mornings a week alone with my parents but she's arguing it,saying she's told me and my eldest daughter not to go up in morning, as she does meds washed and breakfast for my parents.ive said there is no routine for my mum she has dementia and you do what is needed when you can.she is arguing she's not leaving me with my mum she said she will go upstairs, I said I can't be around her, as she provokes me to argue,she really is to much
Clearly she has a routine, meds, washes and breakfasts etc. Its really not fair to say she doesnt need one- thats her choice
If she'll go upstairs, thats a start. Why do you need to be in the house alone with them?
It's not being alone with my parents it's not being around her, it is a ongoing situation with myself and my sister, she is very controlling and provokes reaction from me by being spiteful and disrespectful infront of my parents. There is no routine as far as my mum is concerned with the stage of her illness, it is when she can eat drink meds etc.
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