You are absolutely right, Sylvia. We can give a map but each of us has to make our own journey. Each journey is unique depending on what we bring to the situation given our experiences. I have been privileged to have been the confident of many and I learned how different each journey is. I have been reading the Elizabeth Kubler Ross lectures compiled by Dr. Goran Grip. Death is of Vital Importance. She speaks of the best thing we can do for those we have in our care is to deal with our own issues, and to keep weeding out own garden. Then we can really care. She speaks about not letting our head knowledge trump our intuition. She was speaking in the main to medical staff. With our younger daughter who is quite wise, so wise she said to me when 16 I will be wiser than you but I am not ready for it yet. She was an amazing support when my father died. She is finding her own father's decline a very steep road. When my husband was gravely ill last time my prayer was for the very best outcome fo him (and our shared belief in life's journey), my crying for me was primeval, I buried my head so no one else would hear, nothing prepares us beforehand as you say, I am not sure we would survive any other way. Each day has enough problems of its own but gifts as well. Thank you for your quiet comforting words.