1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

And so it goes on...

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grahamstown, Jul 27, 2018.

  1. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,035
    Female
    Scotland
    Often especially the small things.

    Loo xxx
     
  2. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    Oh thank you. I still well up when I think about it but I wrote a stiff letter for myself to get it out of my system but just writing this reminds me. I am sure it was not unkindly meant but these small things do hurt. XX
     
  3. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    I have reached that dreadful stage when certain music can make me cry. I am not sure whether this is a good thing or not. I have just heard You are my Hearts Desire by Frank Lehar and I was in buckets.
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,831
    Female
    Dundee
    I think it is a good thing. It happens to me all the time. I think I need that release. It's not easy though. Thinking of you.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    67,562
    Kent
    Depending on my mood I often play certain pieces of sentimental music just to help release my emotions. I find it therapeutic.
     
  6. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    It’s nearly a year since I started posting on TP which has been a lifeline. Before that I had been at my wits end with his behaviour. Diagnosis helped but was like a death knell. I have had to adapt so much over the year and my husband has deteriorated to the point where his life has completely closed down. I live ‘alone’ now and I look after him, warts and all. My family and friends are a great support but after a bit they don’t want to hear you rabbiting on about your difficulties. Although I have had a difficult time recently with sundowning I have got to grips with it and I can just about cope. The lack of sensible conversation, the more or less total memory loss, the alcohol problem and the loss of companionship are now part of my life. I no longer want to do anything meaningful with him, so just do things that make him less solitary. He really doesn’t mind this and says how relaxed and happy he is quietly at home. It’s a hard learning curve but there is nothing one can do but carry on. I belong to the U3A which has also kept me going because there are a lot of people who have been through similar things or suffer themselves from memory loss. I was thinking today that it’s like going through the bereavement process without a death.
     
  7. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,171
    I belong to the U3A @Grahamstown I was always on the ramble and hiking groups but not for a while. I hope to get back sometime as I miss the walks and chatting to all of the different people who regularly turned up. It was always a nice morning out whatever the weather.

    I was also studying with the open university but that has ended now and I miss it a lot as it was my main escape. At least we have talking point where we can have a moan.
     
  8. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,225
    We both belonged to the U3a, I have tried the on line version but have not had the time to take part.
    I miss the banter, the stimulation and the groups, all aging now so we have drifted apart.
     
  9. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    I can still leave him safely in the mornings but I can’t the rest of the time. I rush back for lunch but I have given up my afternoon U3A activities. I really would be upset if I couldn’t do the once a week morning sessions, and that is when I would try and some help. My son works a mile away and I can ask him to pop down over the lunch hour if I am delayed but I don’t like to ask him regularly just in an emergency. It is getting harder and harder though. You must feel very sad about this.
     
  10. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,225
    I miss the groups, we had been together for many and it was good to debate and know that diverse views would not alter the realationship. We would have had a lot to talk about tonight!
    Many have issues of their own, transport and health have taken their toll. I have been grateful for the experience of being with a lively open minded group.
    Enjoy your time while it is possible.

    I have accepted I cannot leave my husband on his own, he is not safe to be so. We have to find ways to manage, Ted Talks etc. help fill a gap.
    I had to give up Tao Chi. I should at least do the foundation moves but it is hard to get motivated.

    Sleep well.
     

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