Advice on moving Mum

[jasminew]

Hi all - I'm wondering if anyone has any experience that might help us decide what's best for my Mum.
My Mum has recently been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers. She lives alone, 4 hours drive away from me. I'm an only child and have kids at home and a job, so it is not possible to visit her as frequently as I would like. I certainly can't pop in to check she's taken her meds or made her tea. She has friends nearby, but no-one who could do the daily checks that would let me know she was safe. She is fiercely independent and loves where she lives. I have always supported her independence. On her Doctor's advice, I am about to arrange some care to make sure she's taking her meds properly. If we need to extend that to meals or help with shopping, we can do that. (Although Mum is adamant she's coping, I don't want it to get to the point where she isn't and we don't find out immediately.)
Mum and I have discussed her living arrangements, and she has said that she knows she needs to live nearer to me and my family. I agree - if she was near, I could pop in and make sure she's OK. I'm now wondering where best to move her to. I've looked into retirement flats with optional extra care services, and they seem practical for her current needs. (She has mild short-term memory impairment and is starting to struggle to plan ahead, but is otherwise doing really well.) My concern is that moving her might be so stressful - to leave the beautiful countryside she loves, and long-term friends - that it causes her condition to deteriorate. If that happens and we then have to move her into a care home fairly quickly, then that's two moves in quick succession, which seems worse. Should we also consider a care home that she could move into now and get to know whist she's still very much got the capacity? Or is a care home only something to consider when and if her cognition is more greatly affected? Have I missed any possible options for her? (I know we can do lots more to support her staying in her own home, but she does say that she wants to live near to us.)
Thanks in advance - any advice gratefully received.

 

[margherita]

your mum wants to live near you and your family, so the stress caused by the new situation will be counterbalanced by her joy to enjoy your company and support.
Only heaven knows how fast her condition will progress and what she may need in the future , but currently a retirement flat seems to be a good choice.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @jasminew, welcome to TP. I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

A move can be a tough call for a person with dementia as confusion may cause increasing problems when a familiar home and locality is lost. Even changing things in the existing home can cause issues. However, this can be balanced against the increased care you may be able to give - you have to be very honest with yourself about the time you can devote as the dementia deteriorates.

The fact that your Mum seems to be at an early stage now would help somewhat. However, to me, this aspect would make it troublesome to be thinking of a quick transition to a Care Home as that would put her in an environment that may not be suited to her. I think it's best to help a person with dementia live independently for as long as possible in their own home and area. It would also be of benefit to check out the level of support services available in both areas and you can do post code checks if you follow this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

I wonder if you have involved Social Services for a needs assessment, to which both you and your mum are entitled. If not, you can get details of the issue in a handy AS Factsheet that can be found with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...assessment_for_care_in_support_in_england.pdf

There was a recent thread about a house move for a person with dementia. Although the circumstances aren't identical it may be worth reading the opinions there. You can find it with this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/posts/1563069/

I hope other members with experience of making this type decision will see this thread and give you some tips.

 

[jasminew]

Thank you! That's reassuring.

 

[witts1973]

Thank you! That's reassuring.

Hi my mother has care visits and I live with her as her carer,I speak to the carers and they do lots of calls to people that live at home alone,it seems quite normal for the LA to want to help people in their homes now,even when mobility problems are prominent and the person has to be in a hospital bed and they can no longer weight bare,those people can live at home too,SS will make an assessment for a care package and how many care visits are needed,where they can give a morning wash like my mother has and up to 3 other visits,to feed or maybe just to cook a quick meal if the client can self feed,I cook but my mother has to have pad changes so they do that.
This is funded on a sliding scale,does your mum receive attendance allowance?As she could use this to help pay towards care.
My mum has some lovely carers,one of the girls that we have is so nice natured and full of life she's a joy to have in our home,the care company does companionship calls where one of the carers will sit with the client,and the lovely girl that we have says she makes a bacon sandwich at a ladies home and then they both watch sky tv and have a good natter