Hi. My mum has mixed Alzheimer's/Vascular dementia (18 months from diagnosis now). In the last two weeks she has become convinced that she is not in her own home, although she is actually in her home of the last 50 years, with my Dad. She says she wants to pack up her belongings and go home. She gives her actual home address when she says where home is, so she's not thinking of her childhood home. This is causing my Dad a lot of distress (he doesn't handle this kind of thing well and tries to convince her she is in her own house - we have tried to get him to see this is not going to work). Does anyone else have experience of a fixed idea like this? Does it disappear eventually?
Mum has a fixation that she's not at home, when she is
- Thread starter MaryjaneB
- Start date
-
- Tags
- mixed dementia
It may or may not as everyone is different. My mum wanted to go home - I once arrived at her bungalow to find clothes everywhere - she had been "packing" to go home. In her case it usually was her childhood home. She has been in a care home for a year now, and she still thinks it is a temporary place until she goes home. Other residents have arrived since and two of them have either asked to go home repeatedly or have packed their bags and been sitting in the corridor waiting to be "picked up".
Keep a careful eye on her so that she doesn't wander off on her own trying to find home. It might be worth looking up "The Herbert Protocol" if you're not already aware of it - very useful if wandering off does come into play. And keep talking to your dad about it - he'll be in denial, and possibly frightened, and he really needs to understand so that he can help her.
Keep a careful eye on her so that she doesn't wander off on her own trying to find home. It might be worth looking up "The Herbert Protocol" if you're not already aware of it - very useful if wandering off does come into play. And keep talking to your dad about it - he'll be in denial, and possibly frightened, and he really needs to understand so that he can help her.
Thanks yoy! You are absolutely right that Dad finds this frightening and it chills my blood when Mum says 'there's a crisis - I'm not in my own home and i need you to help me pack up and get there'. I know about the Herbert Protocol and I think we will have to put this into place now. Also thinking about getting a door alarm so we know if Mum goes out of the house.
Thinking about your Mum packing her bags - we had a similar episode with Mum a few weeks ago where she pulled out all the suitcases and bags she could find and was trying to pack up all her clothes (impossible obviously). Dad found that very hard to deal with and needed me to help calm everything down. But we thought that was a one-off and now we can see it isn't.
This feels like a big step change for Mum and Dad - and really upsetting to think that Mum doesn't feel 'at home' in her own house. I guess she must be scared most of the time.
Thinking about your Mum packing her bags - we had a similar episode with Mum a few weeks ago where she pulled out all the suitcases and bags she could find and was trying to pack up all her clothes (impossible obviously). Dad found that very hard to deal with and needed me to help calm everything down. But we thought that was a one-off and now we can see it isn't.
This feels like a big step change for Mum and Dad - and really upsetting to think that Mum doesn't feel 'at home' in her own house. I guess she must be scared most of the time.
Hello @MaryjaneB and welcome
Wanting to "go home" is almost universal in dementia - especially in the later stages. Its not about bricks and mortar - as in your mums case many, many people up and down the country are wanting to go home when they are, in fact, sat in their own home. What she is thinking of is a memory of how things were before dementia and what she is really asking is to go somewhere that she felt safe and she thinks that if she goes there she will leave all her confusion of dementia behind. So, in her mind, she cant really be "home" because she is still feeling confused.
I agree - trying to convince them that it is their home wont work. If her memory is quite poor, you could something like - its too late/dark/wet to go now, but we can go tomorrow. Try saying - well this is a nice place, lets stay here for now. You could also simply say - this is where we are staying for now.
The root of the problem is anxiety. Has anything different happened in the past couple of weeks that is making her anxious? If not, perhaps some anti anxiety meds might help. Speak to her GP.
Wanting to "go home" is almost universal in dementia - especially in the later stages. Its not about bricks and mortar - as in your mums case many, many people up and down the country are wanting to go home when they are, in fact, sat in their own home. What she is thinking of is a memory of how things were before dementia and what she is really asking is to go somewhere that she felt safe and she thinks that if she goes there she will leave all her confusion of dementia behind. So, in her mind, she cant really be "home" because she is still feeling confused.
I agree - trying to convince them that it is their home wont work. If her memory is quite poor, you could something like - its too late/dark/wet to go now, but we can go tomorrow. Try saying - well this is a nice place, lets stay here for now. You could also simply say - this is where we are staying for now.
The root of the problem is anxiety. Has anything different happened in the past couple of weeks that is making her anxious? If not, perhaps some anti anxiety meds might help. Speak to her GP.
Thank you @canary! These are really helpful suggestions for what to say to Mum. In most other respects, Mum is still quite on the ball - you can have a good chat with her about lots of things so we try to distract her and give her hugs etc.
I can't think of any specific thing that might have triggered anxiety recently, although we did wonder if she might have had another tiny stroke. In other ways she is physically as she was and, as I say, no more confused than before. I'm in touch with her community mental health nurse now and they will visit soon. But I will also give the GP a ring.
I can't think of any specific thing that might have triggered anxiety recently, although we did wonder if she might have had another tiny stroke. In other ways she is physically as she was and, as I say, no more confused than before. I'm in touch with her community mental health nurse now and they will visit soon. But I will also give the GP a ring.
