About Alan

[Helen33]

I don't know whether this is sundowning but Alan has been going on all night about the judges on X Factor talking to us. Alan used to be a singer. I've just said that I'm going on the computer for a few minutes and he's not wanted me to leave him because he needs me to explain to them why he wont be singing. When a commercial break came I said the programme had finished but the football was on and I switched over. Alan has showed all the nerves that the contestants would have felt and years ago he was auditioned for TV but he refused the offer.

My heart is in my stomach.

Love

 

[Tender Face]

Sorry Helen ..... don't know what the explanation might be but clearly this is disturbing for you both .... I know when I arrived at mum's on a Saturday morning and she was watching 'Saturday Kitchen' (I think it was called) I felt like I was intruding in some other life she was living with the people on the TV .... thankfully it never seemed to be disturbing ... and she was always smiling at her 'company' ......????

Know lots of people have had 'issues' with television becoming 'real' - hope someone with closer experience will be along to help and reassure soon,

Love, Karen, x

 

[Margarita]

When a commercial break came I said the programme had finished but the football was on and I switched over.

Sounds like you did the right thing .

Alan used to be a singer.

Must be why he connected with the X factor .

Are you worried about it ?

Is Alan OK about it now , not going on about it now . Since you switched over.

My mother use to think the film called the 3rd Man was all about her, It did pass .

 

[lesmisralbles]

I think Bruce posted something about TV

About Jan.
You will have to ask him.

Barb X

 

[Brucie]

Hi Helen33

yes, we had problems with TV, and that eventually resulted in my simply never switching it on, to save problems.

Just my thoughts but not sundowning, really, more a lost ability to distinguish between reality and what is on the screen.

In this case, Alan's past singing has brought him into a programme that he relates to.

I think you did the appropriate things.....

 

[Skye]

Dear Helen

That must have been so hard for Alan, thinking he was supposed to sing, and knowing he was too nervous.

You did the right thing, switching programmes. Unfortunately it may mean you don't watch any more X Factor, but it's not worth it if it's going to be so distressing for Alan.

It's something new every day, isn't it?

Love and hugs,

 

[Helen33]

Thanks everyone

I am often disappointed with my own responses. Even though I eventually switched over, it wasn't early enough. I often fall into the same trap of believing I can reason Alan back into reality even though I know I can't! I think that at the moment that it is happening, I become frightened of the changed reality.

Alan was enjoying it and even though I felt I ought to have gone along with it, I somehow feel resistance at the same time. I was worried and this morning Alan is fine but I dashed to TP just to feel a connection with you because it has left me shaken a bit.

Thank you for your kind responses.

Love

 

[Skye]

I often fall into the same trap of believing I can reason Alan back into reality even though I know I can't! I think that at the moment that it is happening, I become frightened of the changed reality.

Oh Helen, I doubt if there's one of us who can't relate to that!

Even though we know the disease is progressive, we still fight against every downward step, trying to hold back the progression.

It's natural, we want to hang on to what we have for as long as possible, because every downward step marks another change in our relationship.

Don't be hard on yourself. You love Alan, and he's changing before your eyes. That's scary!

I'm glad Alan is OK this morning, it will take you a little longer, but you're among friends who understand.

Love,

 

[Helen33]

Dear Hazel

but you're among friends who understand.

Thank you. That brought tears to my eyes.

Love

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Dear Helen, don't cry.

Hindsight is a terrible thing for us all, if we allow it to be. I look back and see how unkind I was to my mum at a stage when I didn't realise what was happening to her and thought she was being deliberately casual towards me. I know better now and it makes me cry to think how stupid I was. But really, you can't expect to predict every twist and turn of AD.

You always come across on TP as a very thoughtful and caring person and even if you had switched the X Factor off at the outset, maybe Alan would have found something else to distress him.

I always wanted my mum to enjoy programmes on TV and she still does from time to time, but I couldn't/can't predict what she will enjoy. As Bruce says, she can't distinguish easily between life and real TV and does get a bit agitated at the most unexpected things.

Look, you can't expect to anticipate every nuance of Alan's emotions in advance. Why not try to find a way for Alan to enjoy singing again, in a relaxed atmosphere? Forgive me if you already do this. Please don't cry, dear Helen. We all understand. Love Deborah x

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen.

This incident with Alan sounds comparable to Dhiren`s delusion his family is a part of India`s moon mission.

When it happened for the first time with me, I panicked and was frightened, just like you were. It is a shocking discovery to realize our husbands are confusing reality with illusion.

Dhiren often confuses what is happening on television with the real world, he asks if it`s real or are they acting. He thinks, if I`ve been out of the room, I`ve attended a meeting on television.

I am still watching television. He is still watching television. He switches it on himself and would be even more confused if I switched it off. But the commercials, which were once an irritation, are now a godsend.

Now I am over the shock I know it is another level of the condition. It reduces me to tears when it happens Helen but I am no longer frightened.

Love xx

 

[Margarita]

Alan was enjoying it and even though I felt I ought to have gone along with it, I somehow feel resistance at the same time.

I know what you mean about " resistance " mum had loads of other delusion about other thing , I use to try so hard to get my mother to perceive it my way . That I see too much sadness in mum eyes , When it somehow click that somehow she got it wrong , but can’t understand why. . So unless mum delusion put her in danger, I don't try to get mum to perceive it my way, because now days mum can't find lot of comfort in life, Oh yes lots of hugs kisses from me , but that all .

If a delusion give her comfort I let her keep it, but now I never encourage it, because mum won't drop it and it does my head in , as there only so much I take from living in mum delusional word , I mean that in a nice way .




When my mother had a stage of “The 3 man “I let my mother watch it 24/7 on video. If she was not watching it she would not talk or connect to me, she come alive when that film was on, so as it gave her some comfort I let mum watch it all day, the only time she would not watch it was when she fall asleep. I never understood what was happing to mum back then; it only stops because we moved abroad. I never took the Video with us. Mum had other things going on in her life to distract her from watching TV or Video all day
Now the TV has no meaning to my mother, mum just makes comment of how strange ugly people look on TV. As long as mum can hear music or radio on see movement on TV with TV volume down, mum contented to be in a room on her own, without wondering where I am in the house.

 

[bclark]

x factor

hi can relate to your post, my Alan last year went through a faze when x factor was on he wanted the judges to watch his dancing, got annoyed if i walked infront of the tele it was real to him, i found it guite funny just went along with it, hope this helps bclark

 

[Helen33]

HERE WE GO AGAIN

 

[Margarita]

What has happen ?

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear Helen

Are you all right?
Please post when you can. I take it Alan has become delusional again.

Love xx

 

[Helen33]

The day went fairly well - we both tackled the front garden. Then tonight - exhausted - we sit down to watch t.v. I go upstairs to the computer and Alan decides to have a shave. After about 3 minutes he comes rushing in saying that people are saying something or they are wanting him to do something It is really hard to understand what he is saying but he is bothered and animated. I asked him if he wanted to show me and he said yes and he took me down to the t.v. Yes, I'd left it on

I turned it straight off but the rest of the evening was spoilt because Alan wanted me to understand and I couldn't. I ended up trying to tell him that there was only us in the house but I could see that he couldn't understand me. In those moments we were poles apart - and it's that that I am frightened of. I am not very good at handling it (as you would see if you were here) but I will get better as I come to terms with it. I have already made the decision to turn the t.v. off every time I go out of the room so that Alan isn't left alone with these voices.

Thank you for listening.

Love

 

[DianeB]

(((((Helen))))) the first word that popped in my head was distraction. Is there anything that you could distract Alan with, like something new. This may sound silly, but since Alan loved singing maybe start up a scrap book and stick pictures in of his favorite singers and groups etc., This could come out at times like this.
When Alan gets confused about reality and TV, would there also be a video that you know is 'safe' that you could pop on instead, even if it meant videoing a load of adverts etc., and popping that on.
Can you come across as impling you understand even if you can't, would Alan accept that?
The main thing is Helen is you are trying to think positive .... I quote ..... but I will get better as I come to terms with it, thinking like this is going to help both you and Alan, but I can imagine this is a scarey change for you to deal with emotionally and physically.
Sending you loads of hugs

Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Hugs to you Helen, I hope you have a calmer day today. Love Deborah xx

 

[Helen33]

Thank you Diane and Deborah. You have made me think that perhaps some fishing dvd's might be safe as he used to go fishing. He still would but his son has let him down badly about this. Alan wouldn't appreciate the adverts as he has always hated them and still does - so do I! I'll give the fishing videos a try. With regard to the music I will make up a book for him of his old photos as a singer. He still plays his guitar and would sing but he can't remember the words. He's a perfectionist so any old words wouldn't do for him. Me, I just sing any old thing with any old words.

Love