A new stage in my life...................

[LadyA]

I find too- and I'm very ashamed to admit it - that I find myself having great difficulty dealing with some aspects of helping mum these days. Mum doesn't have dementia, but she has mobility problems. She uses a crutch, and even so can't walk very far, or stand very long. And she walks so very slowly. Not at all her fault! And she's always apologising for being so slow and holding everybody up. But it's just so much like when William was with me. Every day I had to take him to the shops - he loved walking around looking at stuff. But as his illness progressed, he just got slower and slower. And now, shopping with mum churns up all the anxious feelings I used to have with William. Even though I try and tell myself there's no need for anxiety - it's not William, it's mum and she's fine. I had to take her shopping three days in a row last week, and then I just had to postpone the rest- couldn't handle any more. I could hear the impatience creeping into my voice.
Rotten ole dementia!

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you to all who’ve contributed to this discussion. It has really helped.

But maybe I will only be able to support people I got to know really well who were travelling the same road at the same time.

I believe this is what happens and what makes TP work. I know I formed close links and friendships with those who were living with the same stages of dementia as we were and I now see it happening with newer members.

TP is growing daily and we cannot possibly get to know everyone here, nor can we identify with everyone.

Taking all things into consideration, I don`t think we`re doing too badly.

 

[Jinx]

Just catching up and have to say I feel the same, dreadfully sad that people are having to go through the horrors of dealing with D on a daily basis but a feeling of having 'been there, done that' with my Gran, my Dad and my husband, and wanting to move on. That sounds awful but I think you'll know what I mean. xxxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Saffie]

Wrote too much when unnecessary and not on my own thread. Apologies Sylvia. x

 

[jussiejus]

just my opinion

My Dear Grannie G

Firstly it is so good to be on here and to see familiar names. I know exactly what you mean, it is hard to be you again. Yes, I am hoping it will get better too, but decided not to fight the feelings I had originally, now they are the same but I am not beating myself up about it quite as much. I have felt (and still do) guilty to move on in my life, and I wonder if I wanted to, I felt I was deserting dad. When I can be lucid about it, I miss him more than I ever knew I would, I know I did all I could do, I know I fought the authorities over him, so why did I feel so guilty. Is it guilt I ask myself, or am I just plain and simple frightened to move forward?

Am I making sense? I have a couple of ideas , one of which I am moving towards and the other I need some advice on and preparation. If you would like to know tell me and I will be happy to discuss them with you and all who want to give me their opinion, the more the better.

In the meantime take care, I may not have been around much but that doesnt mean I have forgotten about you and everyone on here.

With love xxx

 

[Grannie G]

How lovely to hear from you jussie.

Please post about your feelings. It can`t do any harm and you never know someone here may just be able to hit the spot.

All I can say to you is however much I miss Dhiren, I wouldn`t want him back with the illness he had. Although I may have regrets , I do not feel guilt, because I know I did the best I could with the information and experience I had at the time. It`s so easy to be clever with hindsight and when we are fully rested.

It`s so good when people know they can return to TP after an absence and know they will be among friends.

 

[Grannie G]

I've had a bit of a battle with my mobile company recently. I was overcharged for two months, one month my bill doubled and the other month it was more than five times as much.

I've been trying to sort it since September/October without success, so took the only option left to me and wrote a formal complaint.

I was phoned today in response to my complaint and after discussion , grudgingly accepted a £30 credit.

This hassle left me feeing really emotional and brought home how close to the surface my emotions are , however well I believe I'm coping.

Had Dhiren been here, I would still have been the one to sort it, so that wasn't the difference. I suppose the main difference was not having him here for encouragement and support .

It's seven years since he went into residential care and three years since he died and I'm still feeling the loss.

 

[Izzy]

I feel for you Sylvia. xx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I hope your mobile phone company behaves itself, Sylvia. They ought to know they are not the only ones around. There is quite a choice out there. Even if you don't want the nuisance of changing provider, your phone company don't know that.

 

[Grannie G]

The thought of changing companies fills me with dread Deborah.

Going to outlets seems to warrant spending a morning waiting for assistance while staff concentrate on sales.

Phoning, usually puts me into contact with someone who speaks as if they have a train to catch.

I`m now at the age when I need clear speech, no jargon, truth and lots more which doesn`t seem available without a fight.

 

[LadyA]

The thought of changing companies fills me with great Deborah.

Going to outlets seems to warrant spending a morning waiting for assistance while staff concentrate on sales.

Phoning, usually puts me into contact with someone who speaks as if they have a train to catch.

I`m now at the age when I need clear speech, no jargon, truth and lots more which doesn`t seem available without a fight.

You know what? I found that in that large supermarket chain beginning with T (where every little helps!) the guy they have there on their mobile phone stand - an actual person! - just there to help people sort out phone contracts, payment plans, switching from one provider to another etc. - he was brilliant. When my mum fell in the street (her hip broke and she fell), her phone got smashed, so I went from the hospital to the supermarket to get her a new one, and changed provider while I was at it. He did everything. I explained her age, her disability, and he gave me a simple phone, and a €15 per month top up gives her all her calls and texts. I have the same plan on my phone. - The calls are "free" with teh plan and €10 goes on the text bundle, and there's some data included, but can't remember how much. I've never gone over the data usage anyway. But the guy did everything and explained it clearly.

 

[Saffie]

I've had a bit of a battle with my mobile company recently. I was overcharged for two months, one month my bill doubled and the other month it was more than five times as much.

I've been trying to sort it since September/October without success, so took the only option left to me and wrote a formal complaint.

I was phoned today in response to my complaint and after discussion , grudgingly accepted a £30 credit.

This hassle left me feeing really emotional and brought home how close to the surface my emotions are , however well I believe I'm coping.

Had Dhiren been here, I would still have been the one to sort it, so that wasn't the difference. I suppose the main difference was not having him here for encouragement and support .

It's seven years since he went into residential care and three years since he died and I'm still feeling the loss.

I know what you mean Sylvia. I always did such things anyway but it's the back up and having someone there to discuss it with even if the decision is ultimately your's which is missing. Six years for me since that fateful day and yes, I still feel it too.
I hope you resolve this without too much more hassle. Every day seems to bring another challenge. xxx

 

[jussiejus]

A new stage

Hello my friend Grannie G, you know you are stronger than you think!!!!!!!!!!!! its only when things like this crop up and you get people reading from a script that there appears to be a problem. You, my dear friend, have had much worse to sort out, so this is only a walk in the park, it seems worse because you didnt deal with it and now it throws itself at you.

For what it is worth, go to T and talk to the guy or girl telling them what you want from your phone and they will make it fit. Then, and this is the fun part, phone up your existing provider, speak to the retention team and tell them what you intend to do and why, then stand back and hear them find you a better deal than the one they offered, at least that way you have given them something to try and keep you, but you can tell them to take a hike and know you have achieved another step.

Remember we are all behind you 110%, go forth with your sword in your hand and beat them into submission - well, you know what I mean.

Much love, jussiejus

 

[jan.s]

I too understand Sylvia. Sometimes the mountains seem so huge, even though we always climbed them before. It will be 5 years next month for me since Roger left home, and it seems like a lifetime.

I like the sound of the T way of offering customer service. I prefer to deal with something straight forward.

I use a V company and have done for many years. I haven't had any issue with them.

I buy my own phone so it's not attached to a company.

 

[jussiejus]

just my opinion

My dad died of vascular dementia (they probably put something like pnumonia together with a mention of dementia on the death certificate, not going to check it cos we all know what I mean. When I have been reading through the posts I realise more and more how helpful and what a golden nugget of information, caring and sharing our experiences without any one up manship, just pure concern for each other, and boy oh boy do we all need that at some point during this painful journey we are on. I guess I am trying to say "bless you all for being there" being ,there might not sound a lot but it is when you are so tired and so sad, but someone is there "on your side"

I am now going to be part of the volunteer group of my local co=co (co-operation in the community) and I wont have any hesitation whatsoever in suggesting people come onto their computers and join this group of wonderful people.

Try all to have a better year than the last,

My love and gratitude as always

jussiejus (Maggie)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Grannie G]

What a wonderful gesture Maggie.

Good luck and please let us know more about your volunteering work.

 

[Grannie G]

In loving memory 26/6/32--16/1/14

 

[Cat27]

Dhiren had a beautiful smile Sylvia. Sending you love & hugs xx

 

[LYN T]

Dear Sylvia, I never met Dhiren but I think his lovely smile will always remain with me. Thinking of you today in particular.

Love,

Lyn T XX

 

[jaymor]

Thinking of you Sylvia, Dhiren's wonderful smile is infectious.