My situation is different to yours and in my case circumstances made my decision process easier and clearer.
When crisis hit my kids were 8 and 12 and it was clear it wouldn't work for them to have my mum with us and I found her a sheltered extra care flat, a model West Cheshire like and push, but which I knew about through contact with social housing at work (charitable taxation for corporate bodies) - mum is self funding so I had plenty of choice as well. So I haven't yet had experience of care homes, although my mum is now at a level that wouldn't be suitable for an initial move into sheltered extra care.
I think that the best interests of everyone involved are often lost sight of when considering the PWD, and the carer often sees it that way as well. In my case I could see the needs of my children and not myself, although as it happens the 2 coincided in terms of where my mum lives. You need to consider what you can cope with, even if your mum is in daycare whilst you are at work, will you be able to cope when you get home (presumably after being on your feet all day). We all need somewhere in our day to relax and chill otherwise we can't function, at best, and have a breakdown at worst. I haven't read all your posts but think that some of these comments apply from what I have read.
Dementia is a disease which keeps on taking, by the nature of how we react to the PWD, in terms of wanting to make them as happy as possible, and it is hard to accept that this is often achievable with this illness and safe is the best we can do. I think we can see all the things the PWD might 'lose' by going into care, but often these things are no longer important to them or already lost, the needs of an elderly person without dementia are very different to those of a PWD.
The generalised anxiety that often comes with dementia is often alleviated by having a team of people to care for them and less to worry about.
I was very upset when the care manager said to me the day she moved in your mum is safe now, you don't need to worry anymore. I hadn't even realised she wasn't safe and given she was in early stages thought she still had more to life yet. In reality whilst she missed her house (uninhabitable) and her friends (she lived 200 miles away from me) she is very happy where she is, something she has told me on and off over the 5 years she has been there.
The best you can do isn't necessarily keeping your mum at home, and if it is to the cost of your health it isn't the best for both of you.
Many people have posted on TP over the years how settled their parents were once they were in a home and how they wished with hindsight they'd taken that decision earlier.