A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    My OH, Pauline, was diagnosed with ALZ 4 years ago and Donepezil has certainly helped her (and therefore me) but, as we are both in our mid 70s I contacted local SS office for a carers assessment 6 months after diagnosis. I was a bit surprised to be told, too soon, you are ok. Anyway, in that time I have made two further requests since doing it online and getting an automatic reply to get assessment immediately, and still get fobbed off. Yes, I am coping but meltdown has come close and lack of good conversation an added burden but what else can I do? Love the way you write by the way.
     
  2. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    Its hard Agzy, but well done on the donepezil, mum was a nightmare until I gave her the ultimatum. Mum only managed to get a review after her episode several weeks ago of walking to see her GP (with no appointment) 6 miles away, which turned into a fiasco. The SS turned up a week later and to be fair mums social worker was honest, she explained they don't like what they have to work with, but its how it is -there's no money in the system.

    I miss being able to chat with mum like we used to very much, she was very reasonable and fair, but that has changed now. I nearly had a meltdown this afternoon, not because of mum but because I just needed to talk to a real person who would sit and listen to me. Its ok I've got past it now -until the next time.

    Agzy, do what I do and start a thread about your own journey, people might not comment, but at least its not a one way conversation ;). You take care now, lots of good people on here...
     
  3. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,258
    Female
    South of the Border
    On line shopping is my best friend - once set up it is easy and something I can do in dribs and drabs til the whole order is done - I am in a scheme whereby I pay just over £3 a month for the service and delivery - as long as it is mid week. works like a dream
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    I was just abut to go watch some TV as mum has just gone to bed. You know I have been thinking of online shopping maryjoan. I think you've just convinced me to give it a go :D
     
  5. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,258
    Female
    South of the Border
    One of the advantages is that one does not tend to impulse buy - and so the weekly shop costs less!
     
  6. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    I’ve heard as well as noticed of people having thee own thread but how? Do I just come up with a title then search for it when I want to add something or is there a formal method. Me and technology
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,917
    Kent
    It`s exactly what you do @Agzy.

    Go to `I care for a person with dementia` or `I have a partner with dementia ` click on the New Thread tab at the top, think of a title and away you go.

    You can watch your thread by clicking on `Watch Thread` at the top of the page and will get an alert when anyone replies.
     
  8. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    Yes, I have noticed I spend more than I should. I'm going to trial it and see how I get on, will post when I've done the first online shop
     
  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    Just as GrannieG has told you, look forward to seeing your new thread soon ;)
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    Today mum has got up late (11am), though she has slept in longer. She's already avoided breakfast and gone to sit down in her chair. In ten minutes she'll have fell asleep in her chair with the coffee cup leaning over in her hand.

    I forgot its bank holiday weekend (with everything else going on). I had thought of going somewhere for the day on Sunday, but mum's fave Chatsworth will be too busy and she doesn't cope well round lots of people anymore, her mood changes and sometimes being disinhibited she'll drop a clanger or two (which are fair observations, but not something to say openly).

    I have organised three tickets for my masters graduation ceremony on 12th July, so that mum can be assisted sitting in the audience (£75.00), money I don't have these days, but its a one off. I have thought about not taking her, but she enjoyed my degree one so much I thought why not? (I may live to regret the decision). I have resolved she may have a swig of champagne which for mum can be too strong, but no doubt she'll sleep it off in the car on the way home.

    I have so many chores to do round the house its all piling up, and no doubt today being sunny mum will again want to go somewhere as she says for a 'drive'.

    The citalopram seems to have started to lift my mood slightly, its hard to tell, but I don't feel as anxious as before, things were beginning to spiral and having been there before I knew it
     
  11. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,998
    Female
    Chester
    I'm another that depends on on line shopping, in my case not due to mum but family life and working, I have on line shopped on and off since 2001, but continuously since 2005. The supermarket I use delivery is free Mon to Thur after 2pm if you spend over £100 - which as a family of 4 with a hungry teenage boy isn't difficult and many hour 'slots' are less than £3 - looking at the one I use I could have a slot in the 2 to 5 window on Wed for 50p (ie choose 2 to 3 or 3 to 4 or 4 to 5)

    They never come late but do sometimes come early, although if that doesn't work you can send them away until the time - they do phone before turning up if they are early.

    If you have a loyalty card when you create an account with the supermarket you normally use (assuming they deliver) then you should get a list of the items you normally buy.

    I know different companies are different but mine will bring the crates into the kitchen.

    I do still pop out to shops for bits and pieces but this way we know we have food for the week if things are busy (kids activities most evenings and weekends)

    Oddly I get all of mum's stuff by going to a different supermarket - I buy her ready meals and wouldn't have room to store it, so go to the supermarket on the way to hers
     
  12. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,441
    I arranged a delivery regularly for Mum and Dad. It was easy to do online as the site quickly gathered together a list of favourites so it was an automatic reminder and I didn't miss anything. The delivery driver turned out to be the same person and brought the food into the kitchen and would put things in the freezer the garage if necessary. He also had a quick chat with them which was nice. I paid online and Dad straightened up with me on my next visit. A great success.
     
  13. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Aye thank yew and will give it a try if inspiration provides me with the right title x
     
  14. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Thank you
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    Mum: Is there anything I can do to help you get tea ready
    Pale: You don't fancy scraping some new jersey royales do you?
    Mum: Oh no, you can do that

    Foiled me thinks :rolleyes:
     
  16. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,142
    Well done, Congratulations! What did you read? Xxx
     
  17. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    319
    Male
    North West
    #57 Palerider, May 25, 2019
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
    I have to be careful as I don't want to get into trouble, my MSc was in advanced clinical practice, and in particular I looked at the use of smartphones to improve clinical decision making. Its a culmination of five years work, most of which I had to do after mum had gone to bed into the early hours on many nights. I was very surprised to receive a distinction. I wasn't going to go to the graduation after the experience of getting the dissertation done and dealing with mum. I'm still in shock at the grade.
     
  18. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,441
    Well done. What an achievement especially with the difficulties you've had to cope with!
    Best wishes Susan
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,917
    Kent
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,142
    You certainly deserve it. Two grandchildren have just just achieved MAs and I know how hard they worked, one is in social work, she did take time off a bit in the final year and used savings. You certainly have a lot to be proud about.
    Your subject sounds interesting, it seems to be the way the world is going. We watched the Summer of Rockets by Stephen Poliakoff, set in 1958 it featured the first pager been demonstrated at a hospital, what a long way the world has come from those days. I remember the year well, I was a young mother, it was hot and we had many thunderstorms. The Cold War was at its height. It seems crisis comes and goes, yet no one learns from history.
    Yes, you need to be careful people may expect too much. I think many on here are hiding lights under bushels!
    I really hope you get to your graduation. I watched my grandson on the internet.
     

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