A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Tonight a good reaction to the carer.....lets hope tomorrow is another positive.

    Something was bothering me today and I couldn'y fathom what it was, with everything taking my attention. On my FB a memory popped up from 4 years ago, this is the same time June to July that dad went into hospital and didn't come home again. I had completely forgotten, yet at the back of mind something kept on nagging me. Here I am again at the same time of year battling with mum only to be remined of where I was and what I was doing four years ago.

    I may have to avoid holidays in summer in the future -its getting rediculous the connections I will make with these months.
     
  2. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Well here I am sat in ED after work with mum. She has a huge swollen painful red left leg. Here we go again, will be here for hours
     
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,027
    Female
    Chester
    Sorry to hear that. Hopefully some ABs and you will be on your way.
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    It wasn't that quick

    A long long wait as ED was chocka. Mum started to get tired and then decided 3 hours in she wanted to go home. There's no stopping her when she hits that point :rolleyes:

    So now I'm off today and a call to the GP first thing.
     
  5. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,235
    Poor you, I hope that you sort it out soon. X
     
  6. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Thanks Alice

    Its going to be a long day -I feel it in my bones. I just hope she gets on with the carers today, it would help.:rolleyes:
     
  7. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    GP says likely cellulitis, so another set of tablets to add to the daily tablets. Today I found out mum has had a severe reaction to penicillin in the past -something I never knew. Anyone reading always check and double check these things.

    As I'm off to day I have demonstrated to the carers how to get mum up and ready for the day and give her tablets (I had to intervene as it was painful watching her say no to everything plus one of them looked petrified of mum, it must be hard when new to working in this kind of care), stripped mums bed early and washed it plus continence sheet, hoovered her bedroom carpet, sorted her cake and chocky stash out (lots thrown away), cleaned the bathroom and upstairs toilet, hoovered the landing (plus cobwebs), remade her bed (plus fresh continence sheet), washed her clothes and slippers and am making beef stew with ale for tea (with dumplings). I have done all of this in the hope I have an easy weekend before a full week next week. Meanwhile across the landing is my bedroom which I still haven't got round to - I may have to get a cleaner in...I can't face that as well
     
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,027
    Female
    Chester
    I thought it might be cellulitis. Hopefully ABs will solve the problem.

    Do you know what sort of out of hours GP appts you can get. I think you are in the other side of the county to me, but I can get an out of hours GP apt at my local cottage hospital up to 10pm (I'm in Ellesmere Port - location is Chester as at least people know where that is). Maybe trying to get one of those next time might work if they are available.

    Well done on sorting choccy cake stash - that's one lurking thing on your list done.

    I tend to not get as far as cobwebs in my house cleaning (life is busy with work kids etc let alone mum)- but dau finished A levels today so hope that in the 3 weeks before she goes on holiday my house gets a bit cleaner.
     
  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Yes you were right Jugglingmum,

    We live not far from Knutsford, so the East of Cheshire. Mums own GP is brilliant, but they don't yet keep late hours. I am told its coming. My own GP from the same practice is not so understanding and we have exchanged a few words of shall I say 'disagreement' over mum and his attitude of only logic. He's a bit like Doc Martin -excellent clinically but has a dire bedside manner -I once explained to him he was being a complete A*****e. Its quite funny as he twitches when I walk in now, but at least he behaves himself now and I can see he struggles to find an empathetic connection, which at first I didn't understand.

    I don't blame you on the cobwebs, I just happened to think that when I was cleaning today. A close colleague said she doesn't worry about cleaning too much so long as the main areas are clean and usable. That said I hoovered mums bedroom and the landing and the cleaner is full of dust....Ooops.

    The cake and chocky stash was easy today, I could see that mum had become frustrated with her pile of sweet goods and that she couldn't actually cope with it and seemed relieved I had done the sorded business for her. One black bin liner full into the bin.

    Only today mum was talking about visiting Chester and walking along the River Dee, reminds her of dad. I think we will pop along at the weekend.

    God luck with the cleaning Jugglingmum, its so hard when every moment of the day is taken up with other matters that are far more important than a cobweb or two and a bit of dust ;)
     
  10. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,027
    Female
    Chester
    Out of hours GP appt isn't via GP but 111 service. Google cwp out of hours . I'll put a link when on computer.
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Thanks ...be grateful if you could post the link
     
  12. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Things aren't going well with the carers and mum. Today she got aggressive and threatened to call the police, so the carer reported this to her agency manager and they spoke with mums social worker, who in turn emailed me. Its now 38 mins past 11 at night and I have literally just walked in from work. They have now doubled the carers in order to protect them and also see if two people are better. Do these people not realise that the best thing to do is walk away and let her calm down?? Perhaps I have just gotten too used to dealing with it on my own??

    I have a camera installed in the kitchen and have just watched the footage, mum was very certain she didn't want them and to be fair they wrote in mums care plan and left.

    Mum isn't ready for a care home yet, but her social worker is going to give it one more week, I have raised my concerns over this, but there is not much I can do if things become problematic when I'm not here. As a result my anxiety has gone shooting up and I have to get up 6am and work another 12.5 hr shift or more.....this is beginning to upset me, but I guess it would have ended up here at some point even if after summer.....feeling frustrated and I probably will have a restless night. Don't feel like eating now, my hunger has passed.:(:(
     
  13. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,235
    Take of yourself, think what you would advise others to do. Easy said than done. Give yourself a hug,
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,878
    Female
    South coast
    Are you sure about that?
    If she were in a care home the carers could do exactly what you suggest - walk away, let her calm down and try again later, but with carers coming in they have times slots and cannot do that.
     
  15. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,821
    Nottinghamshire
    I was thinking the same as @canary. One of the reasons my dad needed to stay in a carehome was his resistance do personal care and taking medication. Even with 4 visits a day the carers were struggling.
     
  16. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    916
    #196 Rosettastone57, Jun 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
    I agree with @canary and @Bunpoots . I think the time has arrived right now for 24/7 supervision. Your carers are time constrained ,always no doubt rushing to the next visit. My mother-in-law refused personal care for five years with carers coming in. Once in her care home, she was bathed within 48 hours. The carers had the time to cajole, step back and try again. They had the expertise to deal with her. They spoke to her about everyone else was getting up and getting dressed. This gave her the sense that she didn't want to be different from anyone else. They even persuaded her to go to their in house hairdressers. She was also resistant to taking medication in her own home. To be frank, the inevitable is coming,isn't it?
     
  17. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Just in from work, replies noted.

    We will continue for the next week and see if slow change improves into cooperation. There is a flickering flame still and a desire to stay at home from mum. The decision in the end will be a consensus one. If the flickering flame blows out, then I think the consensus will agree. I have told mums SW if this doesn't work then I will take mum to the home, if I can't help her here, then the least I can do is help her on to her new journey.

    I personally am tired, upset and very aware of 'the inevitable', I am going to bed in the hope tomorrow the sun shines, the birds sing and I wake from a very bad dream.
     
  18. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Woke at 04:30 with severe cramp in my left calf -probably due to working flat out yesterday and no hydration in a building with no air conditioning. Now can't sleep.

    Reading through replies properly. Yes I know guys, but I feel that this last ditch attempt shoud be exhausted and there are others than just me who agree with it, taking mum out of the decision making and looking at the situation objectively. Each person affected by dementia is different.

    We have agreed (SW, myself, brother, psychiatrist and GP) that if mum is moved too soon into care it is likely to fail or certainly cause her considerable distress, which we don't want, equally none of us want mum to remain at home if she can't accept outside help. The scales will tip sooner or later, and that is what this current situation is about. I am not the sole decision maker here, and I am glad I'm not -this is the hardest part so far.

    Hi @Bunpoots yes I can see that happening here to be honest, my anxiety is about constantly anticipating when and not if this all fails. Hi @canary, there's only one way of finding out and thats to try a CH if this continues to fail, but this is not soley in my hands now, much of my stress is about somethingI have no complete control over. I think it is important to gauge what mum wants as far as possible and to be her advocate, whether I agree with her or not, which on balance has become more difficult. The fact that she didn't afford anyone LPA for health and welfare was about her maintaining her own autonomy in where she lives and what physically happens to her (as per her solicitors letter).

    I am resigned now to taking one step at a time until we reach the 'inevitable'. Even though I am resigned to it I have equally bad days of turmoil over this whole part of the journey, but that is a good thing, it means I'm working through my own feelings on this as well as moving mum on to where she needs to be eventually
     
  19. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Thanks Alice
     
  20. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    433
    Male
    North West
    Right the carers have been and mum was very aggressive and poked one in the shoulder and told them to get out. This is now new behaviour that I haven't seen before and definately another change in the situation.

    I think the scales are tipping, as mum becomes more unpredictable. I didn't expect to make another entry about this today, but its happened and I think this week will be the week mum go's into respite ?CH placement. Mums SW isn't available until Tuesday so until then we shall see how the weekend go's, I think on balance depsite mum saying she'd like help and actually accepting it, are two very different things -which are now playing out

    Thats it I think, I have no other options left. I've tried.

    Rossettastone57 as all of you have replied -you may be right ..the time is imminent
     

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