Hi @Sarasa yes a minefield. I think I was right to get help, and its hard to know when and where to draw the line when we see someone deteriorating and loosing what we outwardly see as their abilities to cope alone. I think sometimes we have to go against peoples wishes, when we have a moral obligation as family/friends, to try and find workable solutions. But I will still be here with her and I will do the best I can as @canary says without making promises. The carers will visit once a day at lunch time, they won't enter unless mum invites them in -this seems to working better so its a solution for now. I think it does raise some interesting questions, that as yet have been difficult to answer when we arrive at making decisions about capacity, wishes, feelings and best interests. It also highlights how important it is for people to communicate their wishes openly and honestly, even if they may not be welcomed by kith n kin; whether they have a life changing condition or not. The lesson here is that ultimately people need to make their wishes known and explain what they expect if others try to intervene -easier said than done I know, but it would save a lot of worry and stress, just knowing that the situation is as they wanted it. However, even then people can and do change their minds. I am going to look after me more now, the last year has seen me ran ragged and my health has suffered. Mum is blissfully ignorant of the future she faces, so I will leave her to potter happily so long as she is safe. Its my MSc graduation in two weeks time, so I am going to make the most of the day and go for a meal with my colleagues in the evening -the first time I have socilaised in two years.