Good result, Sylvia, well done. I imagine the railway staff will be as relieved as you. Let's hope Dhiren accepts the refusal without getting too upset.
Love,
Love,
A life in the day of.........................
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Well done Sylvia and co. I hope that has helped a little to put your mind at ease. I'm sorry I couldn't think of anything practical, but boy, was I thinking of you both! Much love Deborah.
Hi Sylvia
I havent been about today, back at work and feeling good about it !
I know you had the party yesterday but just wondered where you are today. I hope you had a great time with your grandson and maybe you`re just having a break but when I logged on and looked for you I missed you. Hope everythings ok.
Will catch up soon I hope.
Love Jeanie x
ps.Haven`t read through all the posts so may have just missed you`re presence if so just ignore my ramblings !
I havent been about today, back at work and feeling good about it !
I know you had the party yesterday but just wondered where you are today. I hope you had a great time with your grandson and maybe you`re just having a break but when I logged on and looked for you I missed you. Hope everythings ok.
Will catch up soon I hope.
Love Jeanie x
ps.Haven`t read through all the posts so may have just missed you`re presence if so just ignore my ramblings !
Hi Jeanie,
I have been around today, but not as much. I decided I would try to give my husband more of my time, as he gets so low and confused when he`s by himself for too long.
Recantly, I have been settling him to do something, then trying to get on with my own jobs, but he loses interest very quickly, and that`s when the trouble seems to start.
But because of my hip pain, I`ve not ben able to do as much, so he has been helping me. And even though it`s taken twice as long, and been quite repetitive and mundane, he has been better occupied and, I suppose, felt more worthwhile.
It has been a far less stressful day today, no plans to escape, less restlessness and more communication, so perhaps it was a valuable lesson for me.
Not sure how for how long I`ll be able to keep it up though.
It`s nice to be missed, anyway. Thank you Jeanie.
We had a lovely birthday tea, ate too much party food and loved every mouthful. Sang Happy Birhtday with Gusto and then Grandpa had had enough and wanted to go home.
Love xx
I have been around today, but not as much. I decided I would try to give my husband more of my time, as he gets so low and confused when he`s by himself for too long.
Recantly, I have been settling him to do something, then trying to get on with my own jobs, but he loses interest very quickly, and that`s when the trouble seems to start.
But because of my hip pain, I`ve not ben able to do as much, so he has been helping me. And even though it`s taken twice as long, and been quite repetitive and mundane, he has been better occupied and, I suppose, felt more worthwhile.
It has been a far less stressful day today, no plans to escape, less restlessness and more communication, so perhaps it was a valuable lesson for me.
Not sure how for how long I`ll be able to keep it up though.
It`s nice to be missed, anyway. Thank you Jeanie.
We had a lovely birthday tea, ate too much party food and loved every mouthful. Sang Happy Birhtday with Gusto and then Grandpa had had enough and wanted to go home.
Love xx
So lovely to hear from you my little star I shall go to bed happy now that alls well in the firmament !
Love Jeanie x
Love Jeanie x
Hello sweetie
Just catching up and I`m not remotely lovely trust me !
A very good friend of mine when I tried to thank her for her support and tell her how much I valued her said to me that you get the friends you deserve and I would say the same to you and if anyone ever deserved loving and caring friends it is you and I know we`re only virtual but the warmth that comes through from everyone on TP is fantastic ! If we ever got together we could probably rule the world !
Love Jeanie x
Just catching up and I`m not remotely lovely trust me !
A very good friend of mine when I tried to thank her for her support and tell her how much I valued her said to me that you get the friends you deserve and I would say the same to you and if anyone ever deserved loving and caring friends it is you and I know we`re only virtual but the warmth that comes through from everyone on TP is fantastic ! If we ever got together we could probably rule the world !
Love Jeanie x
Went to the bank and withdrew £100 Asked for the balance to find we were overdrawn £100.
Dhiren had opened his own account on Monday [business account?] and transfered all our current account tp his own savings account.
He was mortified and totally demoralised, made me promise not to tell anyone.
So we saw the manager and we no longer have a joint account. He has kept his own new deposit account with £50 in and his pension will be continued to be paid into my account and I will give him the `Change` for his own account.
My head is banging.
Dhiren had opened his own account on Monday [business account?] and transfered all our current account tp his own savings account.
He was mortified and totally demoralised, made me promise not to tell anyone.
So we saw the manager and we no longer have a joint account. He has kept his own new deposit account with £50 in and his pension will be continued to be paid into my account and I will give him the `Change` for his own account.
My head is banging.
At the same bank Sylvia??? I thought they were aware of the situation? Oh goodness, I am so sorry you're having to deal with all this.
Love
Jennifer
Love
Jennifer
Sylvia, that's awful!
I'm amazed that Dhiren had the ability to go to the bank and open a new account, but I'm even more amazed that no-one in the bank realised that there was something wrong.
You're very wise to stop the joint account, but is it OK to have Dhiren's pension paid into your account? I don't know, it's a straight question, the POA rules sound so convoluted. Have you got the POA set up, by the way, or are you waiting until October?
I'm not surprised your head is banging, I can't believe that could happen. Perhaps I was lucky that John lost the ability to understand money at a very early stage.
Love,
I'm amazed that Dhiren had the ability to go to the bank and open a new account, but I'm even more amazed that no-one in the bank realised that there was something wrong.
You're very wise to stop the joint account, but is it OK to have Dhiren's pension paid into your account? I don't know, it's a straight question, the POA rules sound so convoluted. Have you got the POA set up, by the way, or are you waiting until October?
I'm not surprised your head is banging, I can't believe that could happen. Perhaps I was lucky that John lost the ability to understand money at a very early stage.
Love,
Skye said:
Sylvia ...... from what I've gleaned here you had a very informal arrangement with the bank regarding Dhiren's withdrawals ...... ???? And neither POA nor EPA is lodged .....??? This is probably of no earthly comfort to you at all .... but when I went through the 'fiasco' with my mum's bank - having held mandates on her accounts for years previously - I was told that all activity on her accounts had to stop because it was made known to the bank (verbally by me to an adviser at the point of formally registering EPA) that she was incapable of understanding and managing her affairs ...... you seemed to have been able to negotiate that phase without formally registering Dhiren's capacity or otherwise to handle financial affairs on his or joint behalf ......
The trouble with 'informal arrangements' is that a different 'adviser' (maybe someone drafted in from another branch to cover who has no local knowledge of their customers) will see them in various shades of grey .... if they know of them at all ...... and if the bank had not been formally notified (i.e. through registered EPA) that Dhiren was incapable of managing his/your financial affairs, I can't see what recourse you may have against the bank for the action he has taken ....... nor against a member of staff who has accepted his instructions .....
Sorry to be so negative ... I'm usually the first to stand up and 'scream' at the way many banks handle such situations ......
With Hazel too ... there are some serious implications for having Dhiren's pension paid into your account - especially the need for EPA accounting (certainly when it is registered) to keep monies separate and in the donor's name .......
Gosh, I'm sorry ... that all seems so negative .... but there are times for reality checks????? And you need to look out for yourself, Sylvia ......
Love, Karen, x
I was so angry, if I`d said anything I`d have burst into tears.
We had more than usual in the current account, as an annual bonus from bonds we have, had been paid in. Even so, I wasn`t informed.
On top of that, the bank clerk couldn`t tell me how much Dhiren had transferred to empty the current account, as the money was now on his name.
He is so upset, he is in agreement for his pension to be paid into my account, I will deduct half our Direct Debits and half our Visa bill and give his the rest. This is hard, as all our married life, we have only had one pocket, and now we`re on to `yours and mine`.
At this stage he now wants nothing to do with money, he is so disgusted with himself. It has taken me hours to reassure him that I don`t blame him, I feel desperately sorry for him and know how I`d feel in the same position. How long he will hold this information is anyone`s guess.
The EPA is being processed. The consultant credits him with understanding what he is signing. Our history shows how everything has been on joint names for all our married life. The bank manager is aware of what is happening, and quite frankly if anyone wants to take me to court for fraud, I`m ready.
We had more than usual in the current account, as an annual bonus from bonds we have, had been paid in. Even so, I wasn`t informed.
On top of that, the bank clerk couldn`t tell me how much Dhiren had transferred to empty the current account, as the money was now on his name.
He is so upset, he is in agreement for his pension to be paid into my account, I will deduct half our Direct Debits and half our Visa bill and give his the rest. This is hard, as all our married life, we have only had one pocket, and now we`re on to `yours and mine`.
At this stage he now wants nothing to do with money, he is so disgusted with himself. It has taken me hours to reassure him that I don`t blame him, I feel desperately sorry for him and know how I`d feel in the same position. How long he will hold this information is anyone`s guess.
The EPA is being processed. The consultant credits him with understanding what he is signing. Our history shows how everything has been on joint names for all our married life. The bank manager is aware of what is happening, and quite frankly if anyone wants to take me to court for fraud, I`m ready.
Grannie G said:
Sylvia, I so empathise with that feeling on a different level, of course, .... for several months now (since registering EPA) I have felt I have justify 'every loaf of bread' for mum (and so don't ... and leave myself well out of pocket) ...... I was 'lucky' when the bank froze mum's account I was in the rare (for me) situation that I had 'surplus funds' to help her through until we got the situation resolved ...... and from someone who has less than 20 years of a 'one-pot marriage' I can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling .......
I'm sorry, in and amongst other things I'm doing I'm trying hard to find some positives and 'practicals' from this....... and hate to seem negative again but in terms of pension being paid in ... I know when I registered EPA for mum the DWP insisted I confirmed account details ...... they and the receiving banks are legally under an obligation to credit by name (even though zillions of transactions rush thru' on number value without ever being checked) ..... bit of fore-warned is fore-armed and all that ..... last thing we all need whether for parent or partner, is to have to battle with paperwork, legalities and bureaucracy when the emotional toll is having such a huge hit ......
Wish there was more I could think of to help....
Love, Karen, x
Actually I can't see any problem with Dhiren also paying half the living costs, house maintenance costs, etc from his pension, if you so wished.
Just for safety's sake, I'd be keeping records, but that would be my reading of the situation.
Perhaps things might be a little easier in this one way for spouses than for people with other relationships - son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter etc.
You could always check with the Alzheimer's Society's Help Line.....
Grannie G said:
You may not be legally entitled to information about any new accounts in a sole name but unless Dhiren managed to revoke your authority on the existing joint current account you are entitled to that information about that account ........
If the account was closed you are entitled, as party to that account, to a closing statement ..... otherwise a joint statement should be on-going .....
Karen, x
Good point, Karen.Tender Face said:
This is where EPAs come into their own. I've never had trouble in managing Jan's accounts, opening new ones in her name, closing her accounts and transferring money in and out of them... I do it all using Internet banking.
... but then Jan never went around shifting money!
We never ever had a joint account. We lived off the money I brought in, and did the holidays, antiques, cars etc using Jan's income. That made it a bit easier when, at a point when I think I subliminally detected something was wrong, I just suggested that she stop working. All we lost were the luxury things, and we gained just a bit more time together which was far more valuable. Had we always lived to the full off our joint incomes, that would have been a problem to do.
It helped that, early on in our marriage, we made the decision of marriage over careers, and never regretted it. So, the houses were smaller and fewer in number over time, the cars hung around a lot longer, etc.
It makes no difference really, but I do find it hard to believe that Dhiren came up with this wheeze on his own, and managed to put it into practice on his own. It seems more likely that he did his wife controls him, doesn't let him do anything, takes all his money spiel in front of a "helpful" bank teller, and that's how the new account came to be set up. Are you concerned that some of the money may have gone missing between being taken out of account A and put into account B? Because definitely you can find out how much was taken out of account A.
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