A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

I will have to leave them Helen because I might wake him if I put them away in the darkened room. And the bag will rustle.
It won`t do him any harm to see what he is capable of. He is possibly over protected.
Not that I can expect him to learn from it. I`m just not feeling very charitable at the moment.

 

[nellbelles]

Not that I can expect him to learn from it. I`m just not feeling very charitable at the moment.

Sylvia

There is a lot of this about at the moment

But I don't believe anyone will come to any harm over it (apart from injured pride)

 

[Grannie G]

There is a lot of this about at the moment

Well that`s comforting at least Helen.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Hello Silvia

Are you and I ever going to talk again ?

I read your post every day.
I hope you read mine.
Barb X

 

[scarletpauline]

Dear Sylvia, so sorry you and Dhiren had a spat, it goes deep doesn't it but I bet he hasn't remembered it. Woke at five again this morning, couldn't sleep so got up, usually I can drop off again down here in the recliner chair for a little while. Sylvia, I send you all my love and hope things are better today, love Pauline xxxxx

 

[Izzy]

Hope things are better for you this morning. Izzy x

 

[connie]

Just catching up with your thread Sylvia.

Lovely photographs.

So very sorry to read of your latest episode with Dhiren.
Sometimes it just takes you unawares.

Thinging about you both.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I hope today was less troublesome than yesterday, Sylvia, and that tomorrow is a better day than both. It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow, and just right for autumn walks according to the Autumn Watch programme. I hope that some part of it is relaxing for you.

 

[milly123]

hello sylvia sorry to hear of your spat with dhiron he will forget and you will be left simmering this terrible desease has a lot to answer for.sylvia please can i use your thread to tell you and other carers of mylast two weeks and why i wasnt posting i had afunny do and went to the dr's she rang the ambulance and i went to hospital with suspected heart attack i am going for heart scan next week .the last time i visited the dr 4mths ago he told me if i didnt see sence and let harold go in the nh i wouldnt be her long to look after him .now i see him every day as long asi want and it is quality time his aggression is still there takes 3 to dress him but is washed and clean he doesnt know me or family hasnt done for over ayear or so . his speach and mobility has almost gone doubley incontinent and suffers tia;s reguarly somtimes his lovely personality shines through he was and still is the nicest person i have ever met please take care milly

 

[muse]

forum

When I first joined this forum - 1 year/ 2 years ago? I can't remember, I have memory problems due to stress with a person with memory problems. I thought all this reality of my future with a person with no future was too much to bear. Well, the future is approaching. And it's at the extremes of what I can bear.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Milly and Muse

Milly
I am so sorry your health has suffered so much as a result of the stress of caring and hope you can be given treatment to help you recover.
Even though Harold is now in residential care, you will still be suffering the stress by visiting every day.
Do you think you could cut down the visits to three or four times a week or do you still feel the need for daily visiting?
Please look after yourself Milly and let us know how you are. xx

Muse
Do you have help and support in your role as carer? It sounds as if you are in a very low state of health. Have you seen your GP?
You do not have to continue in your role as carer if your health suffers to this degree. Please see your doctor as soon as possible and let us know how yo get on. xx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Milly,

I've just read about you being sent to hospital I am hoping that you will take things easy and that you have a full recovery. I am glad that your visits to Harold are now much better because there is all the help there in caring for him. How on earth did you manage when it takes them 3 staff to change him I'm sure others would want to wish you well and you might want to start a new thread so that everyone will see it


Love

 

[Grannie G]

It took all day for my positive feelings towards Dhiren to be restored, following his outburst.
I wasn`t in a sulk and I wasn`t trying to `teach him a lesson`. I was well aware he had no control over his behaviour and I was also well aware there was nothing really awful about his behaviour. It was just a short outburst, and yet it had such a detrimental effect on my mood.
I know so many carers tolerate far more aggression and even violence, and I feel such a wimp, but cannot help myself however hard I try.
If I could have just brushed it off, it would have meant a much more relaxed day for both of us.
But we`re all right now.

 

[Izzy]

I'm glad you're feeling better now Sylvia. Izzy x

 

[sunray]

Sylvia, my husband Ray is a quiet man and rarely aggressive but every now and then he gets cross with me and says really spiteful things. It really undermines my confidence and I can't think why I want to continue caring for him. After a serious disagreement it takes me a while to want to talk to him again. Why do they lash out at the only person who realy cares what happens to them from day to day?

I've been following your thread for a while and thought it was time I posted a message.

Sue.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Sue

Thank you for posting. It really does help to be able to compare with others in the same position.
Because I know it is the illness, I know my husband`s needs have to come first at all times. He is the one who has no option other than to live with dementia, whereas I can at least have a break now and then.
Even so it takes a lot out of me as it does of all carers. I don`t want accolades but I just cannot cope with this verbal lashing and it really does change my attitude towards him, albeit for a short time.
It`s crazy because under healthier circumstances he would never have spoken to me like that, but I cannot stop feeling as if I have received a slap in the face.

 

[sad nell]

Sylvia hope Dirhen is amiable today and you can share a happier day, no one could care for Dirhen better than you, and i believe deep down somewhere our men know this, but it does not stop the hurt on these occasions.love pam

 

[Grannie G]

He is better than he was thanks but has just started sundowning. He sounds so homesick for his family, I find it heartbreaking.

He said he came here 27 years ago and has never been back. In fact he came to the UK in 1955 and although he has been to India, has never seen his family.
He is confusing the 7 with the 7 years we have lived here.

He said his mother is 95 and he wants to see her. Dhiren is 77 and was the youngest of 5 children so his mother will have died years ago.

It must be terrible not to know your own home.

The sitter from Crossroads is coming at 2.30pm so I hope she will be able to distract him.

 

[zoet]

I have the occasional problem with Dad being spiteful or childishly uncooperative and it IS really hard to cope with, especially as he was never like that without AD. I'll admit Ive swapped cross words with him, and on a couple of occasions Ive just left him to get on with it and gone and had a cigarette in the garden! The trouble is the feelings last longer for us Sylvia, as you know of course, and it really hurts when all you try to do is help and comfort them. I guess husbands and wives would have spats anyway, where you would perhaps be cross for a couple of days and then made up. Try to look at it like that. At least Dhiren wont hold a grudge or bring it up to remind you later. Hope youre having a better time of it today. Do something relaxing when the Crossroads lady comes. Mine is coming tonight too and I intend on having a glass of wine (gall stones be ******ed!) a deep bubble bath and play on my pc for a bit. Might even persuade Aron to have a go with me, although he's on earlies and will be knackered. Dont feel guilty...if you bite your tongue too often you bite right through it! xxx

 

[ChristineR62]

I have the occasional problem with Dad being spiteful or childishly uncooperative and it IS really hard to cope with, especially as he was never like that without AD. I'll admit Ive swapped cross words with him, and on a couple of occasions Ive just left him to get on with it and gone and had a cigarette in the garden!

With the exception of the cigarette in the garden, this could be me with my Mum. It usually happens at bedtime, when it's late (gone 11pm - about an hour after we first made a move to go up to bed, so I should start the process earlier! ), I'm desperately tired and screaming inside to get to bed, knowing that the alarm will be going at 5am the next (work) day.