A life in the day of.........................

[Devonmaid]

Oh Sylivia , that brought a tear to my eye . Its like a remark my Mum made when i visted her last Thursday in hospital when she leaned close to me and, in a stage whisper said " Do you know that some of them in here are mentally ill "
You have my absolute admiration in your care but dont forget yourself will you ?
Love Kate

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Kate,

And we mustn`t burst their bubble, must we.

Love xx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Hello Sylvia, I'm thinking that Roseann has put her finger on something very interesting, about her loved one rising to the occasion in other surroundings. Perhaps a change of scene will be a stimulation for Dhiren , provide him with new faces and activities and above all a change of interest for his extremely active mind.

Dhiren is not unintelligent; quite the opposite. He reminds me of an unreasonable gifted child frustrated by lack of opportunity for using his talents. He thinks it is all your fault , and can't see how much you are grappling with his condition and how much you try to occupy him.. In another setting, i.e day care he wouldn't be able to blame you, indeed he would find things to tell you and laugh about as he did once before. He might find, I think, a sort of independence that might restore some of his self esteem.

Yesterday my mother (age 92) looked around at the other diners in the dining room of her home and suddenly said " Oh, these people, ( waving vaguely at the diners/residents) this is a place for OLD people isn't it! " The subtext being "You idiot, you've brought me to some home for OLD people by mistake" Then she looked at me and giggled conspiratorially.

The frailties of others can be, perversely, so useful sometimes, can't they?

I do hope this week brings positive things for you and some respite from the provocation.
Much love, Deborah xx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Deborah,

You and Roseann are quite right. I know he`ll be fine once he goes, it`s just getting him there.

The only way I get him to the memory clinic is because he knows I like the relative`s support group, so he feels he is suffering on my behalf. But even then, he hums and haas before we go. Apart from that one time...............

I`ll just have to keep trying.

Thank you for your support.

Love xx

 

[cynron]

On Your Behalf

Dear Sylvia, I think you have put your finger on the answer, HE DOES IT FOR YOU.

If you could get him to accept that you need a break and that could happen if he agrees to go to day centre and or respite care, maybe this would work. Is it worth a try?

love Cynthia.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Cynthia, thank you.

The memory clinic was OK, he went in with a cross face and came out with a cross face. The Senior OT who runs it made some comment about Mr. Grumpy, and instead of hitting the roof, he amazed me by smiling.

But as soon as we got away from the OT he tald me that next time he would go with me but wait outside. But that`s next week, and I`ll face it when it comes.

Meanwhile, I was able to have a chat with the clinical psychologist who was very supportive. She is going to go all out to try to get him into day care and will get back to me.

Our relative`s group had a talk from a professor who had studied all areas of dementia and was inspiring. Following the disappointment of the last medic, who was ill prepared and refused to be put on the spot, this man was so knowledgeable, so informative, so clever and so respectful of the role of carers, we even went without a cup of tea in order to continue our discussions with him.

Oh for more people of that calibre.

 

[alfjess]

Hi Sylvia

When Mum and Dad first went to daycare, we told them it was a pensioner's club.

My cousin who is older than I am went with them for the first couple of weeks (she was going to the pensioners club also)

After the first 30 mins- hour she slipped away and left them at daycare.

Would it work for Dhiren, if at first you went with him and said that you wanted to go? you enjoyed it.

Love
Alfjess

 

[Grannie G]

It might Alfjess, in fact it would, but he would expect me to stay every day.

But thanks. Everyone is trying so hard to get Dhiren into day care.

Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

It`s a question of priorities...........

This morning he had a bad head, he felt dizzy, tired and weak.

He couldn`t do the usual vaccing, he was too dizzy to walk for the papers, even with me.

So I got ready to go for the papers, and he asked me how long I would be. He seemed really nervous and I worried whether or not I should leave him alone, even for 20 minutes.

So I rushed there and rushed back, to find him in the bathroom. What was he doing?

Only trying to clean a dirty 2p coin he`d found in the street.

 

[Devonmaid]

Hello Sylvia, the more I read your posts, the more I realise what a tough job all carers have . I am so admiring of you and all of those who do this often thankless task out of love and devotion . You are truly the unsung hero`s who dererve the accolade and recognition far far more than those who are sometimes receivers of awards for doing their paid jobs . I have to care for a disabled husband but this is nothing , absolutely nothing compared to caring for an Alzheimers patient ,
love Kate

 

[cynron]

luncheon club

I told my husband he was going to a luncheon club ,i stayed with him the first time and after that said it was just for him. As he did have a good appetite it seem to work ok,he would come home with what he had eaten written on a piece of paper that the staff had given him as he could not remember when he got home.

Cynthia x x

 

[Grannie G]

I live in hope Cynthia, I live in hope.

 

[Margarita]

he will have to accept where he is and what he has, and he will lose all hope.

I use to think that also that mum would lose all hope when in day center , because it make her release that they was something wrong with her as she be mixing with people that are like her with AZ or are worse then her , and my mother was never a person that like being with people other then her family unit .

Sylvia in your situation with your husband if you don't try it your never going to find out, because if your truthfull with yourself that is your
perception of day center and your husband giving up hope , unless you have ask him and he said that , like with me that how I perceived it with my mother now mum has something else to think about , some thing to complain about and sometime share her good moment in what happen in day-center she love going now

D `No. It`s because I haven`t got true Alzheimers.

make me wonder that if taking . Dhiren to memory clinic all the time is what is making him feel more negative about himself as its a reminder , if his always been negative then going to memory clinic is going to make him more negative about himself .


you going with Dhiren to day center staying for a while , then saying your just popping out to shop , or staff coming up with a good idea in how to keep him they without you , seem the next stage for you both and so what if it does not work , at lest you can look back and say will I gave it a go.

Now hoping I have not put my foot in it , and offered you with anything I have said

 

[Grannie G]

No-one offends me on TP Maggie, because I know everything is always said with a good heart.

I know I`m negative about leaving Dhiren but it will come, honestly. I`m working on it.

At the moment we are having a good day, and good days are lovely. Even though he has just tried to open a new large container of milk with both a tin opener and a bottle opener, forgetting it has a screw cap, it`s still been a lovely day.

Hope I haven`t tempted fate.

 

[Margarita]

it`s still been a lovely day.

Now that sounds like good news .

No I would not say your being negative about leaving Dhiren , Just feeling fear xx......

 

[BeckyJan]

Sorry Sylvia - pinching your thread yet again!

This am:
Are you my wife? Yes
Have we any children? Yes
What are they? two girls
Are they called .......let me think .........Kate and ......... Anne.
Yes.


Memory test at 10.00 am. Only 1 point lower than last time! Arghhhh ./........./,,,

At 6.00 pm Are my Mum and Dad dead now? Yes (some 20+ yrs ago)
So what about the Will??
What Will - your Mum left enough to cover her NH fees
Oh - cannot remember

How did we pay for this place then? ... and on ....and on .....and on.....

I have to handle this but ??? HOW - as is getting hard.

Best wishes all (I know others have it worse than I do)
Jan

 

[Cliff]

Sorry Sylvia and Jan, but couldn't resist this:

This evening,

D. I really want to see her
C. But it means travelling into London
D. Why ?
C. Well, the cemetery is in North London
D. But I've got this letter from her
C. Yes but it's 14 years old
D. But I want to see her
C. Maybe I should phone first
D. Would you ?
C. Yes. What's her name ?
D. It's in my book.
C. Where's your book ?
Etc, etc, etc, etc

I'm sure you both know the scenario. I'm learning how to answer.......

Again, sorry - love to you both

 

[Grannie G]

Cliff and Jan, what are you apologizing for? How comforting it is to know we all have days like these.

BeckyJan How did we pay for this place then? .

How many times have I been asked this.

We should all get together and have a party.

Love xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Sounds good - WHEN???????????????????

Will we be able to get care help in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! doubtful!!!

Jan

 

[Grannie G]

We`ll let Dee, David and Dhiren take care of us .