Hi Dimpsy
Well he turned up 2.15 for the first 2 hours we were pretty much ignored but once the crowd had gone the OH and I went into the annex and just had a general chit chat. Afterwards we went out side and he agreed that we need guardianship - obviously he wants to be on it but he had the f-in cheek would we consider the interfering cousin on it - that was a resounding no - now we know he knew what she had done in the past on the back of his say so but of course he claimed innocence - regardless we will have to get in touch with the solicitors (advocate in Guernsey) but I want to be absolutely sure that he can do nothing financially etc other than the account she has frozen - once a snake always a snake! (or a leopard!) and we have still not decided if we will go ahead with it anyway (we have other reasons).
I happened to mention that the night cam is very useful and that sometimes it could be orb or maybe dust but they fly off in funny directions at night time when you look at it (apologies for those who think that's poppycock) regardless he said " well it would not surprise me shes always been a bit of a witch"! Oh and did he offer to pay for the cake etc what do you think, he didn't even make me a cup of tea or help with anything and he stood right next to the kettle etc when I was doing it for everyone there - AND as it was a special 90th what did he buy her for her birthday - a box of toffee caramel chocolates which she cant eat as they stick on her falsies! Oh and also when we said no to the interfering cousin he said well you must remember this is about mum not us !!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will be gone in half an hour and as for is daughter that came with him she seemed to suddenly be an expert on how to care for someone with Dementia - shes 22 oh but don't forget shes been to Oxford and has a degree in history so of course she does! Half an hour to go - by the way on a positive (yes there is one) the rapid response nurses are really helping even though its just once a day it is welcome. I just have to keep breathing once he has gone and she sings his praises!
My son was there at the party and said to me about him "mum what an arrogant bleep bleep bleep!" I'd have just decked him if he'd treated me the way he treats you I had to leave the room before I did he did - bless I brought him up well!
PS Dimpsy - decided against buying a new olive tree - they just don't do well in my care! Oh and just looking at the web camera the interfering cousin has rucked up now as well - why am I not surprised!
Well, on the plus side a) you're still breathing and b) the rapid response nurse is making a difference, so that's good news as well.
The rest - no wonder you needed gin and a good night's sleep to be able to put pen to paper (so to speak).
Your BiL doesn't appear to have any notion at all of how life-changing it is to take on the day-to-day care of a pwd. If he was the least bit empathetic to your situation, he would be helping not hindering as he is doing now.
She is HIS mother you and oh are supporting through a terminal illness, it stands to common sense that as he lives away, he should listen to you and be guided by what you and oh think is best for MiL.
He can't just breeze in and start laying down the law, your son is spot on, his behaviour is pure arrogance.
He must be very insecure in himself to feel he must be at the centre of whatever action you deem best for MiL, common sense says you and oh are the people who should be named as guardians; include BiL on your terms if you must, but the interfering cousin should interfere off!
Does a Guernsey guardianship allow for decisions to be made jointly and severally like the UK Power of Attorney, so that BiL can be included, but in point of fact, you and oh assume responsibility for her affairs and can make decisions without having to refer to him all the time?
Ignore the daughter, she is just parroting her father - both dementia know-it-alls! (who know nothing).
Well, he's been and now he's gone and your lives will settle. His visit will fade from MiL's memory and in a day or two your good karma will be restored, don't let his visit fester, he's not worth it.
So you're the death knell to olive trees;I hear that Deadly Nightshade grows very well in Guernsey, maybe a trip to the garden centre tomorrow?