Now that he's gone

[Bunpoots]

Thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts. I’m slowly coming out of the shock of dad going so quickly. Although I knew I could happen anytime I still wasn’t ready. Are we ever.

In a way it’s a relief as I’ve been watching him fade and I was beginning to think it would probably happen on Christmas Eve or day. It was going to be a miserable Christmas anyway having to visit what was the shell of my dad who was obviously getting very little pleasure out of life.

I can remember him how he used to be now, when he was well, without having to make painful visits to someone who merely looked like my dad but wasn’t really “dad” if you understand what I mean.

I’m still tearful when I think of never being able to see him again but I know we were lucky really that he went the way he did.
The way he wanted to go.

I’ve had a call from the coroners this afternoon. They’re not doing an autopsy and will be informing the registrar of his death just as you said @love.dad.but.. I have to pick up his death certificate from the GP and then phone to make an appointment to get the registration. It’s probably too late now to get in until after Christmas.

I rang the undertakers yesterday so they will make the arrangements to collect dad from hospital. Dad has a funeral plan so I’ll stick to it as closely as possible. I just have to choose the music and decide what I’d like them to say at the service.

One day at a time...

 

[nellbelles]

Definitely one day at a time, we always used to think of a funeral happening very quickly that doesn’t happen now.. try not to stress on the timing of things, they will happen and you will deal with them.. (((HUGS)))

 

[KathrynAnne]

I’m very sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing @Bunpoots. Your posts and responses have been a great help to me over the last few weeks and months as much of your experience has been the same as mine with my Mum. I was really shocked as this seemed to be so unexpected even though we know this is a terminal illness. Sending love and hugs to you xxx

 

[Kikki21]

@Bunpoots so sorry to hear this about your Dad & can understand the shock of how sudden it was. Big hugs to you xx

 

[Amy in the US]

I am glad you are able to move forward now and that you have a place to start with planning.

Definitely one thing at a time, and one day at a time.

Although my dad wasn't ill with dementia (heart issues) he also died suddenly and to me, with no warning. It was a tremendous and horrid shock. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Sending many (((((((((hugs))))))))).

 

[Bunpoots]

Thank you. It is a shock.

I’ve got some idea of how I’d like the funeral to go now.

I’m thinking:
Bridge over troubled water to walk in

Talk about dad

Reverie for contemplation (calms me down)

Some where over the rainbow (brass band) cos dad was in one and I saw a rainbow on the way to pick up his death certificate - I think he was trying to tell me something...

Poem - If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I am gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well. - by Joyce Grenfell

Followed by “Bring me Sunshine” (Morecambe & Wise)

Then:
I fall asleep in the full and certain hope
That my slumber shall not be broken
And that though I be all-forgetting
Yet shall I not be forgotten
But continue that life in the thoughts and deeds of those I loved

Theme from “The last of the Summer Wine” to walk out

 

[KathrynAnne]

Thank you. It is a shock.

I’ve got some idea of how I’d like the funeral to go now.

I’m thinking:
Bridge over troubled water to walk in

Talk about dad

Reverie for contemplation (calms me down)

Some where over the rainbow (brass band) cos dad was in one and I saw a rainbow on the way to pick up his death certificate - I think he was trying to tell me something...

Poem - If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I am gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well. - by Joyce Grenfell

Followed by “Bring me Sunshine” (Morecambe & Wise)

Then:
I fall asleep in the full and certain hope
That my slumber shall not be broken
And that though I be all-forgetting
Yet shall I not be forgotten
But continue that life in the thoughts and deeds of those I loved

Theme from “The last of the Summer Wine” to walk out

That sounds like a lovely send off for your dear Dad. It seems to be very personal to him and although I am sure there will be many tears shed on the day there will also be smiles and happy memories xxx

 

[Bunpoots]

It is Very dad. Especially the Joyce Grenfell poem. When my mum died 9 years ago it was very close to Christmas and dad, although he must have been broken hearted, was determined that Christmas was going to be as good as possible for everyone. I hope I’ve got the right balance.

 

[canary]

All of that sounds lovely Bunpoots
It will be a good funeral
xx

 

[malengwa]

Just saying hi bunpoots, it sounds like you are doing well getting organised for the funeral. I lost my mum just this time last year, it somehow seems harder around Christmas time but the funeral was lovely. My mum went downhill very quickly over two months but it was still a shock. When I look back now I'm glad she didn't suffer any longer and I now remember more of our happy lives than the sad terrible last year or two.
Just look after yourself too. I came down with proper flu the day after mums funeral and it took a good while to recover properly.
Thinking of you.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Sounds perfect Bunboots

 

[CaringDaughter]

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad - condolences and a virtual hug. Your funeral plans sound lovely, and I wish you well x

 

[hilaryd]

Ah, that sounds lovely, and so personal - hope it goes as well as such things can. Personally, I took great comfort from my mum's funeral, as it was full of good memories about her, and we were surrounded by all the many people who cared about her (and us) too. Mum loved her garden, so we gave everyone little primrose plants as they left, and ever since people keep telling us how they're growing. Wishing you well xxx

 

[NIKNOK]

I didn't expect to be on this part of the site yet. Dad passed away last night. For him it was quick and painless, for the rest of us a bit of a shock. As I said on my "At the end of my tether" thread, it was over before we could get to the Carehome to say goodbye..

I went to see him, with my daughters, and we're all stunned and sad.

Because his death was unexpected, and he hasn't seen his GP since October, the coroner is involved and it is 99.9% certain that an autopsy will be done according to the policewoman involved.

I don't know what to expect now. How will I be able to register his death within five days if we have to have an autopsy done ?

I’m sorry for your loss. RIP to your dear Dad xxx I hope you are taking some time for yourself xx

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your loss Bunpoots - be kind to yourself and try and remember your Dad in happier times. Take care x

 

[Bunpoots]

Dad’s funeral will be on Wednesday 16th January so exactly one month after he died. It seems a very long wait but the delays were unavoidable. Mums funeral was only a week or so after she passed.

I spoke to the officiant last Wednesday. Dad chose who he wanted. He seems very nice. The right balance between respect and humour. Hopefully it will all be well.

I’ve been left to organise the whole thing by myself as invisible Siblings are not interested in any input. Suits me really. They weren’t interested when he was alive either.

Other members of the family, my lovely aunt and her daughter, my cousin, have been unexpectedly supportive. My cousin even offered to help with the reception. Dad always spoke very highly of her.

 

[KathrynAnne]

Dad’s funeral will be on Wednesday 16th January so exactly one month after he died. It seems a very long wait but the delays were unavoidable. Mums funeral was only a week or so after she passed.

I spoke to the officiant last Wednesday. Dad chose who he wanted. He seems very nice. The right balance between respect and humour. Hopefully it will all be well.

I’ve been left to organise the whole thing by myself as invisible Siblings are not interested in any input. Suits me really. They weren’t interested when he was alive either.

Other members of the family, my lovely aunt and her daughter, my cousin, have been unexpectedly supportive. My cousin even offered to help with the reception. Dad always spoke very highly of her.

I’m sure you will do your Dad proud @Bunpoots. I’ll be thinking about you on Wednesday and hope everything goes as well as can be expected xxx

 

[Bunpoots]

Thank you @KathrynAnne I’m getting a little nervous now...

 

[canary]

Im sure it will be fine @Bunpoots . I had no input from my invisible when i organised mums funeral either, but at least there were no arguments. Ill be thinking about you on Wednesday.
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

 

[Bunpoots]

Thanks @canary. That’s true. No arguments.