I`m really OK thanks everyone.
I think I`m in some sort of self protection mode , even denial of sorts, because I`m so far away distance wise and know there is nothing I can do. Even if I was there there`d be nothing I could do.
I do know I can give Helen comfort but she has a loving daughter and partner with her and maybe the time was made for me to step back and allow the family their time with her, uninterrupted.
Anyway it is as it is and I`m fine with it.
I am sleeping well except for occasional bouts of wakefulness. I have a reaction to an insect bite and was up in the night to take an anti histamine. The night before I was awake from 3am. but generally I`m sleeping well.
Enough about me.