Fred

[Kjn]

Lovely to hear of your good day xx

 

[pony-mad]

Dear Verity, your visit will surely have left you with a lovely warm glow. Fred was giving you the green light to go and enjoy the rest of your day in the knowledge that he is happy and well cared for. My day has been much better too! H has been contentedly digging for much of the afternoon. X


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[esmeralda]

Lovely picture of your garden Verity, always well tended and peaceful looking. Glad that your time with Fred was so nice. I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of the day. Lots of love, Es
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[LadyA]

How lovely. He's really settled into "home" now, hasn't he? The staff must be doing an amazing job. And lovely that he can potter in the garden too.

 

[truth24]

A sleepy lad greeted me this morning. Still in bed with no intention of getting up although quite happy. One of the carers and I finally got him to his feet and he was reasonably amicable during wash, shave and dressing. Cheered up considerably after breakfast and was quite content when I left him with his baby at lunchtime. Noticed that another male resident is now nursing a doll so it may be catching on. Really hot here today. What a change after yesterday. Think thunder storms tomorrow. What a June. Oh and my little monster has just brought me a present too. Not as big as chick's, just a baby shrew. Aaah..!

 

[disi]

A sleepy lad greeted me this morning. Still in bed with no intention of getting up although quite happy. One of the carers and I finally got him to his feet and he was reasonably amicable during wash, shave and dressing. Cheered up considerably after breakfast and was quite content when I left him with his baby at lunchtime. Noticed that another male resident is now nursing a doll so it may be catching on. Really hot here today. What a change after yesterday. Think thunder storms tomorrow. What a June. Oh and my little monster has just brought me a present too. Not as big as chick's, just a baby shrew. Aaah..!

Hi Verity, Just catching up and I haven't forgotten to PM you. So pleased to hear Fred got up and was cheerful. That must have helped you. Like you we also have a hot day today and I believe tomorrow. Then its downhill again Robert will be back tomorrow afternoon until Monday morning, mixed feelings as you can imagine. I must go and water all the plants I have put into pots, look lovely but need caring xxxxx

 

[esmeralda]

Good to hear that Fred is so consistent in his care for his baby Verity - you may have developed a new therapy!! Think you should patent it.
Lovely here today too, grey at first and thought we would get rain but it turned out really nice, though still a bit windy.
Poor baby shrew. Lots of feathers on the lawn here today. Either a cat or the Sparrowhawk has been back Lots of love to you and Fred
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[WIFE]

Hello Verity - hope you don't get the thunderstorms - we have just had a tremendous shower but now the sun is out again and heating up nicely. So pleased Fred remains amiable and your visits are peaceful. The bad days seem a long time ago nowadays - hope they stay away for you. Always thinking of you and Fred. Di

 

[Suelynd]

Wise words Es. I think, when our loved ones go into care, we need to make some time and space for ourselves to grieve that "loss" - because there is a huge loss, even though they are still living. There's the whole loss of "together", the loss of all the things you used to do together, and to a large extent, the loss of the full time caring and responsibility is a huge thing, because it's frightening to trust someone else with that, someone no matter how good a place it is, who doesn't yet know our loved one the way we do.

I'm so fed up with myself for feeling 'down' nearly all the time. I've posted about wanting to bring husband home. He's only been in a CH for seven months so am thinking it's early days yet but reading these posts I realise I'll prob always feel like this!

 

[LadyA]

It does get better. Especially as the illness progresses, and you realise that your husband is getting care on a scale and of a calibre that, on our own, we couldn't ever come close to giving them. This way, they are getting much better care, 24 hours a day, than we could do, they have more stimulation, company etc than we on our own can provide, and we, because we are getting more rest, less constant stress etc. can have more of a quality time with them.
The financial costs are huge, here too. I would have more if I was on jobseekers benefit than I am left with. However, I have tightened my belt, and cut out all unnecessary spending, and manage ok so far. Pots of soups, stews and casseroles with very little meat and lots of whatever is reduced in the supermarket! Plus beans and lentils.
Give it more time, I would say, and talk to the staff at the home. And also, remind yourself of why your husband went into full time care in the first place.

 

[Suelynd]

It does get better. Especially as the illness progresses, and you realise that your husband is getting care on a scale and of a calibre that, on our own, we couldn't ever come close to giving them. This way, they are getting much better care, 24 hours a day, than we could do, they have more stimulation, company etc than we on our own can provide, and we, because we are getting more rest, less constant stress etc. can have more of a quality time with them.
The financial costs are huge, here too. I would have more if I was on jobseekers benefit than I am left with. However, I have tightened my belt, and cut out all unnecessary spending, and manage ok so far. Pots of soups, stews and casseroles with very little meat and lots of whatever is reduced in the supermarket! Plus beans and lentils.
Give it more time, I would say, and talk to the staff at the home. And also, remind yourself of why your husband went into full time care in the first place.

Thank you LadyA, I need to try to remember all those things you say. Keep saying them over and over to myself to talk myself into it.

 

[truth24]

Agree with LadyA, Suelynd. You will still get sad times as we all do but we cannot provide the care they are now getting.

 

[esmeralda]

It does get better. Especially as the illness progresses, and you realise that your husband is getting care on a scale and of a calibre that, on our own, we couldn't ever come close to giving them. This way, they are getting much better care, 24 hours a day, than we could do, they have more stimulation, company etc than we on our own can provide, and we, because we are getting more rest, less constant stress etc. can have more of a quality time with them.
The financial costs are huge, here too. I would have more if I was on jobseekers benefit than I am left with. However, I have tightened my belt, and cut out all unnecessary spending, and manage ok so far. Pots of soups, stews and casseroles with very little meat and lots of whatever is reduced in the supermarket! Plus beans and lentils.
Give it more time, I would say, and talk to the staff at the home. And also, remind yourself of why your husband went into full time care in the first place.

Your wisdom and experience is so valuable to the rest of us LadyA and Verity. Really if I didn't come on TP and learn of other's experiences I would feel much more lost and sorry for myself. As it is I can see how other people manage in what I would have thought were impossible circumstances, and I learn to count my blessings.
Give yourself time Suelynd, we are all grieving for the lives we have lost, and 7 months isn't very long to come to terms with such a huge change.
Shocking that you are left with so little to live on LadyA, wish it was different but I imagine you have explored all avenues. Your resilience shines through. Much love to you all.
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[LadyA]

I have enough Es. Don't need more than that. I'm fortunate in that I wouldn't want things other people take for granted, like meals out or even a television. And I like simple food.

 

[esmeralda]

The world would be a much better place if more people had that attitude LadyA.

 

[truth24]

We had such a lovely morning yesterday. We sat quietly in the aquarium space (walls decorated with murals, etc), nursed baby and read books. Later in the morning another of the residents in his 'house' could be heard pushing a wooden dining chair up the corridor. He was a carpenter and has a fascination with all things wooden. He was accompanied by his daughter so they parked the chair next to us and he sat down and held my hand while his daughter went off to get his cup of tea. Fred looked most displeased, particularly when HIS baby was picked up and nursed. A possible conflict was averted by the return of his daughter, my hand and Baby. Wonder if a little of the green eyed monster perhaps lurks somewhere deep down as he held my hand for the rest of my visit and snuggled up, giving me beautiful smiles. Another treasure for my memory bank. xxx

 

[Grannie G]

It`s lovely to hear of such good visits Verity.

Even a little green eyed monster has meaning and is significant.

 

[LadyA]

It`s lovely to hear of such good visits Verity.

Even a little green eyed monster has meaning and is significant.

Indeed. Especially when you think back to how things were, not all that long ago. Marvellous how things have improved for both of you.

 

[Cat27]

We had such a lovely morning yesterday. We sat quietly in the aquarium space (walls decorated with murals, etc), nursed baby and read books. Later in the morning another of the residents in his 'house' could be heard pushing a wooden dining chair up the corridor. He was a carpenter and has a fascination with all things wooden. He was accompanied by his daughter so they parked the chair next to us and he sat down and held my hand while his daughter went off to get his cup of tea. Fred looked most displeased, particularly when HIS baby was picked up and nursed. A possible conflict was averted by the return of his daughter, my hand and Baby. Wonder if a little of the green eyed monster perhaps lurks somewhere deep down as he held my hand for the rest of my visit and snuggled up, giving me beautiful smiles. Another treasure for my memory bank. xxx

Oh that is lovely Verity

 

[Kjn]