Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

[Bikerbeth]

Firstly I wish Mr Annielou a Happy Birthday for tomorrow. I hope you are able to have some quality time together.
The visit yesterday did seem lovely which must have made today’s visit harder. I do sometimes think it is easier to talk to a complete stranger because you know you will not see them in the longer term.
it does seem like progress is being made with moving your Mum to a ‘convalescent home’. (I use that term with my Mum and she seems to accept it now) I know it will be so tough for you but I really hope it happens soon.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. You really have done such a fantastic job keeping your Mum at home as long as you did even when she no longer realised it was her home.
You mentioned a box of photos. Really good idea. May I suggest perhaps taking photocopies of them and putting them in a small album. Photos in a box may go missing or get damaged. At least if they are photocopies they can be replaced. I did one for Mum at Christmas and then I was going to put names/places/events by the side of them as an activity to do with Mum. Unfortunately lock down happened and we never got to do it. It would have helped staff when they chat with her If they had some info by them.
As Juggling Mum said do get on with labelling some clothes. Or get some ordered. Remember also labelsMarkers for shoes/slippers And sticky labels for anything that moves (eg photos in frames). I am sure that there are many good companies but someone on here mentioned ‘name tag-it.co.uk’ and I used them.
you are doing amazingly???

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Woo2 @Bikerbeth xx As you say I think the other visitor will be ok and not say anything in front of mum, still a little worry but it's done now so I can't do anything.
Mr Annielou says thank you x
I have the tags I was just scared to use them in case something changed and mum saw them, I got some tag it ones and some iron on ones and a few stickers for shoes and possessions. I've ironed in a few into some new undies we got mum last week cos sis and I decided we could always hide them if hospital backed out and mum was home because she didn't know she'd got those new things anyway. I ironed one on a bra label and accidentally caught the back part of bra and burnt a hole in it so that had to go in bin Now hospital have said mum is being referred to care home I thought of going over to mums yesterday but decided to wait till I start packing instead of taking things in and out of wardrobes again. Because mum packed someone else's trousers other day and I think one of mums cardis I packed for first few days has dissappeared I said the other day I'm gonna write your name on your clothes so we know they're yours and I wrote on wash label in pen just on items taking in hospital. I'll tag them properly later with her other stuff but at least while she's in hospital her names on things without her getting suspicious what's been planned CH wise by her spotting proper printed labels and also the outfit she goes to home wearing will at least have something to identify it.
I'm dreading the packing, It all feels so wrong packing mums things for somewhere she doesn't want to go and deciding what to pack for her. But it needs to be done so I'll do it. I'm a terrible packer, my ideal packing would be to stick wheels and a handle on my wardrobe and take it all. So I'll need to rein it in as I don't think they'll be expecting mum to arrive with a 5 door wardrobe on wheels.
Last year I sorted all our photos and printed off lots that were just on our phones and sorted them all into new albums in a bit of date order. Mum was very impressed with the albums and I offered to do hers with her or for her but she's always kept them in a box and said she preferred them that way. My sister and I were talking about putting them in an album for her to take with her but think mum will prefer them in the box so she can just take them in and out and they're take up less space than in albums. There's not loads and loads as we were never really a big taking photos family and Mum hasn't had a camera for years so quite a few of the photos she has are what we've taken and given her copies off so we have the originals already. I've photographed the older ones we've not got ourselves on Monday so we can print copies if we ever need them. I added a few more recent photos that mum didn't have to her box too including a few of her great grand son as she loves photos of him.
When my sisters oldest two kids got married sis had a photo book made for mum for each of their weddings and we talked last week of maybe doing a photo book with few photos of mum and us and grand kids in with names of who is in the photos printed next to them so mum could have it with her and if she was showing people they'd know who was who,. It'd also be a reminder of who people are for mum if she forgets too, cos last time me and mum looked at hers a few weeks ago she mixed my sister and I up on a couple of baby photos and a couple of others too. I think sis was thinking of doing that as a bit of a present for mum maybe at christmas or before so we thought we'd send her photo box in with her from beginning.

 

[Woo2]

Morning , HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR ANNIELOU ???Hope you both have a lovely day .❤

Can you and sis do the packing/labeling together ? At least you can have a chat and it might make the task a little easier ? Or I would take it all home and just do it in between jobs doing a few at a time. My friends dad never had that many clothes at his home, it was always warm in there so he never needed any heavy clothes , just shirts and the odd cardi . Genius idea about marking hospital clothes ? hope you have a better visit today and hear some news soon. X

 

[imthedaughter]

My only real advice for packing is do it quickly. I didn't have a lot of time at dad's but I couldn't have been doing a box at a time - I say pick a day or two and just do it.

Try not to worry too much about what you pack, either, easier said than done, but you can always take in or buy other bits if you find she needs them later. For some reason dad had loads of winter clothes (worried about being cold, probably) and very few cooler outfits.

I threw away anything that was:
worn - holes, moths, shabby looking
old - if it was about to become worn
horrible or confusing - dad's been known to wear hoodies back to front so they were a no-go
Anything odd that wouldn't match - so dad has a range of coloured tops and then plain neutral trousers so it doesn't matter which he puts on, it won't look odd
Too formal - realistically he's not going to wear a tailsuit again. He insisted on keeping a mothy wool coat so I hung that up and folded everything else hoping they won't spread but I would have chucked that!

He ended up with new polo shirts, long sleeve tops, a few pairs of new chinos and cords, a couple of belts and a couple of new button up shirts and ties (which were all ok to match). Plus pullovers. Some new PJs too.
He had brought no underwear with him from the house other than the pair he had on so I bought him more of those and a dressing gown. Recently his remaining socks gave up the ghost so new ones were duly ordered.

If I was designing it from scratch I would have bought soft, comfy clothes, loungewear type stuff like tracksuit bottoms, tshirts and long sleeve shirts, but Dad had very little of that. It's nice to have something semi-smart to wear for outings or special occasions but it's also a home, so comfort is key!

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Woo2 @imthedaughter xx
Hubby says thank you x
My sister went home on Sunday and not sure when she'll be back down again. She's taking her youngest back to Uni this weekend so definately won't be coming this week. So think the packing will be me
Thanks for the tips on what to pack very much appreciated. I've been through mums wardrobe (though not the boxes on top ?) the other week and put her knock about at home clothes that were looking bit tired seperate to her clothes she'd wear in public, we threw some away that were really old and things she never will wear we put for charity as she's forgot she's got half the things in there. Mum only wears trousers so all her proper ones I've put together. Sis and I ordered a few new pairs as she lost quite a bit of weight last year so should wear a size smaller now. We'd bought her a couple of smaller pairs before so we've put the smaller ones with the ones she already had that weren't really big together and the ones that were really big I won't send. I've seperated into winter and summer so won't sent the really wintery ones yet as she's only going in for assessment at moment. I've also seperated her nice smart tops which she seems to have lots of despite not really going anywhere much for years. She would wear nice tops at christmas but most have hardly been worn. I might send one or two in case ever doing anything special while in home.

 

[imthedaughter]

Thanks @Woo2 @imthedaughter xx
Hubby says thank you x
My sister went home on Sunday and not sure when she'll be back down again. She's taking her youngest back to Uni this weekend so definately won't be coming this week. So think the packing will be me
Thanks for the tips on what to pack very much appreciated. I've been through mums wardrobe (though not the boxes on top ?) the other week and put her knock about at home clothes that were looking bit tired seperate to her clothes she'd wear in public, we threw some away that were really old and things she never will wear we put for charity as she's forgot she's got half the things in there. Mum only wears trousers so all her proper ones I've put together. Sis and I ordered a few new pairs as she lost quite a bit of weight last year so should wear a size smaller now. We'd bought her a couple of smaller pairs before so we've put the smaller ones with the ones she already had that weren't really big together and the ones that were really big I won't send. I've seperated into winter and summer so won't sent the really wintery ones yet as she's only going in for assessment at moment. I've also seperated her nice smart tops which she seems to have lots of despite not really going anywhere much for years. She would wear nice tops at christmas but most have hardly been worn. I might send one or two in case ever doing anything special while in home.

Good idea. Don't send too much in, they won't have loads of room. No more than 5 pairs of trousers! Stuff that fits and is comfy is fine, they do washing which is more than can be said for 'one pair of underpants' Dad! I would send in a couple of nicer tops then just have the day to day, maybe 7 of them, don't forget layers like cardis etc but again three is probably more than enough. Then lots of underwear! PJs! Slippers! A pair of shoes that goes with anything.

If you are able to keep the bigger sized clothes somewhere - not all just a few, vaccuum packed in the loft or whatever, do, as Dad put on weight in the home once he was eating three meals a day! Same for winter/summer - glad I just whittled it down and managed to fit it all in to dad's as I never thought I'd be going eight months without visiting. Bloody pandemic.

Happy birthday Mr AnnieLou! ?

 

[lemonbalm]

I always keep a complete set of mum's clothes and a couple of pairs of pull-ups in my car, just in case of emergencies.

 

[annielou]

Its today. OMG. Woman came half way through todays visit and asked to speak to me and said they’d got a bed for mum at the home we mentioned. She is going to arrange transport and everything before telling mum cos she knows she’ll get upset and try leave if tells her now. My sister called the home and asked what can take and sent a copy of the this is me we did the other day by email for them so now I’m off to pack at mums. Sis said the home said mum can take her tv and Dvd player and anything that might make room feel like home duvet lamp etc. Am gonna look like a removal man.
Am in bits as not a good visit today mum was askin everybody she could if going home today and constantly talking about it. She looked so sad and thats last time I’ll see her for while.

 

[anxious annie]

Hi @annielou
I hope you have a good visit today, and wishing your hubby a Happy Birthday.
I think a photo book with labels is a great idea as this will give the carers a prompt to talk about things X

 

[imthedaughter]

Its today. OMG. Woman came half way through todays visit and asked to speak to me and said they’d got a bed for mum at the home we mentioned. She is going to arrange transport and everything before telling mum cos she knows she’ll get upset and try leave if tells her now. My sister called the home and asked what can take and sent a copy of the this is me we did the other day by email for them so now I’m off to pack at mums. Sis said the home said mum can take her tv and Dvd player and anything that might make room feel like home duvet lamp etc. Am gonna look like a removal man.
Am in bits as not a good visit today mum was askin everybody she could if going home today and constantly talking about it. She looked so sad and thats last time I’ll see her for while.

It's going to be ok. Gather what you can. Don't forget towels, that was the one thing the CH said to me to pack, a set of towels. They have them of course but nicer to have your own. Label them as well of course.

Good luck we'll all be thinking of you and mum and she goes to her recovery home.

 

[Woo2]

Agree with @imthedaughter it will be ok, take a deep breathe and pack/label what you can , you can always drop bits off tom , next week etc if you forget anything , it will be ok . Least you don’t have to be involved at all in the telling and moving her which is good and you have the home you wanted . Thinking of you ? ? ❤ Typical it’s today I say hubby should have another birthday like the queen . X

 

[Woo2]

It’s the best thing for mum as she can start to settle now and you know she won’t have to be moved again. She will have more people to chat too and will no longer be alone and will have constant company and reassurance . The home are well geared up for it and am sure they will make a fuss of her for the next couple of weeks . Big hugs ? ? X

 

[Sarasa]

Not ideal timing with it being your husbands birthday. I moved mum to her care home on my wedding anniversary. We went out for a meal in the evening to think of something else, so I hope you can do something similar or at least have a nice time at home.
I wouldn’t take every thing all at once, just the things your mum needs now. It will be fine, it really will be. I’m sure the staff are used to people wanting to go home and will have lots of ideas to make her settle. In my mother’s home they all took off their name badges and opened the Prosecco to make her feel she was at a hotel!

 

[notsogooddtr]

Stay strong,it's never easy when a care home is the only option but it IS the only option to keep your Mum safe.As others have said you don't have to do everything today.Do what you can then go home and try to relax.Mum will be OK.

 

[Louise7]

I was in the same position when mum was suddenly given a placement in a care home at really short notice. I just packed enough clothes/undies for a week, toiletries and a few things for her room. That then gave me some breathing space to short out the rest of her things and drop more off at the home a week later. As others have said, don't worry about taking everything in at once. Mum went into the home in the autumn so I only took in clothing that she would need over autumn/winter and didn't take her spring/summer clothes in until several months later. The home will be fine about you dropping things off for your mum in stages, plus it will reduce the pressure on you too. Hope the move goes well for your mum.

 

[canary]

Everyone has given you good advice that I cant add to.
I just wanted to say that Im glad a room has come up quickly and its in your preferred home.
It will be OK.

 

[anxious annie]

Deep breaths @annielou, it will all be fine. That's good it is your preferred home. Dont worry if you forget anything, the care home will have what your mum needs, then you can pop more in as you think about it. Take your mind off things this evening to celebrate hubby's birthday . Sending hugs xx

 

[annielou]

Do i need label shower gel etc?

 

[TNJJ]

Do i need label shower gel etc?

Yep. Even toothpaste. Everything basically

 

[millalm]

Yes- absolutely everything! For toiletries just use a permanent sharpie marker as labels will come off! I know how you are feeling Annielou, just take a deep breath and carry on. It can only get easier from today.
Stay Strong you are almost over the goal line