Well I took my parcel in for mum and was feeling a little more positive today. Her nurse managed to persuade mum into a wheelchair (a new change) to come downstairs and say hello, remembering the last time I saw mum properly was some two months ago. Finally she appeared in the wheelchair wrapped up on a big fluffy overthrow and she came outside. I sat two meters from her and was just utterly shocked. I have never shown my emotions in front of mum as a general rule, but today I just cried. She looked haggered and worn down by the Alzheimer's which has tightened its grip, she was very frail, thin and for a moment I thought it was the wrong person. I was only distantly familiar to her and she didn't seem to connect as she had before, it seems not being there with lockdown has taken its toll finally.
I showed her the chocolate and her eyes lit up and she commented, but she complained she was cold so I didn't keep her out to long. I was going to take a photo, but in the end decided that mum wouldn't want that, she wouldn't want the last of her remembered in a picture that way, so I waived goodbye and as she went she said 'come home Simon' . A bad day. Even though I know things will get worse it still threw me seeing her today, its a long rocky path to walk indeed....