A lifelong friend and me
- Thread starter Palerider
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I kept it all positive - we love you, we are all thinking of you. And by the time I had reeled off all the family names, that was my 15 secs.Well the cards have arrived @Helly68, trying to decide what to put on them and my little speech. Thought about some music too??
You can re-record so you don't have to be perfect the first time. If you want to use music, may be best to buy a cheap IPOD or music box, make a playlist and get the staff to put it on repeat in her room. There's a guy called Ignar Rip who has a very interesting theory and practice of music for dementia. https://fabnhsstuff.net/fab-stuff/ignars-springtime-dementia-tips
He recommends making person-themed playlists, based on their age and musical preferences. I can't say I have tried all of this, but Mummy is very much influenced by music it can lift her mood a lot.
Thanks @Helly68, mum had an affinity for The Seekers amongst many from the 50's and 60's -worth looking at.
Its been a tense week here. I discovered a mole on the back of leg last week and thought 'uh oh' -it was itchy and one of the docs at work looked at it said I needed to get it checked out given dad died from melanoma. So today I heard the words 'very unlikely melanoma' and have had a punch taken so will hopefully hear confirmation that it isn't soon -phew!
On the other hand mum has being getting a very painful swollen leg and the discussion arose whether she should go to hospital. So after a lengthy chat with her nurse in the CH and GP we have made the decision to keep her comfortable plus she is now on sleeping meds which means she rests at night, which has helped with the leg swelling -thankfully
On the other hand mum has being getting a very painful swollen leg and the discussion arose whether she should go to hospital. So after a lengthy chat with her nurse in the CH and GP we have made the decision to keep her comfortable plus she is now on sleeping meds which means she rests at night, which has helped with the leg swelling -thankfully
Hi @Palerider, a tough week for sure. Important to get these things checked out for sure, when will you get confirmation of the test?
Do you know what is happening with your Mum's swollen leg, is it an infection? You mentioned before she had swollen feet (my Mum had that - so I understand the connotations).
All the best.
Do you know what is happening with your Mum's swollen leg, is it an infection? You mentioned before she had swollen feet (my Mum had that - so I understand the connotations).
All the best.
Thanks @Pete1 I will know the outcome next week.
Its hard to know what to do with mums leg swelling, but the only thing to do is consider all the options and work through each one. In the end we decided its in her best interests not to go to hospital on this occasion as she is now unable to tolerate anything invasive. I did mention the possibility of a DVT but the GP felt this was most likely due to her chronic problem getting worse as well as the what to do if it is a DVT. Anticoagulation wouldn't be the best option as NOAC/DOAC's have no antidote if she should bleed and warfarin would prove equally as difficult because she would have to have blood tests as well as the risk of bleeding as she is prone to falls. The GP I think had already decided on the best course to take before speaking to me. The aim is to keep mum pain free and let her be, which in the end mum would want herself. It upsets to think this how mums life is ending, such an active creative and kind soul in this awful bubble of a life
Such a hard time, you have my best wishes. I had an advanced care meeting a while ago at the CH before lockdown. It is very hard thinking about these decisions and deciding when more treatment would not really be in anyone's best interests. I wish you strength at this strange and difficult time.
Yes its hard because part of us wants to treat and part of us knows that it serves no useful purpose in terms of best interests.
Anyway I got in the car and drove to the CH this afternoon, the lovely spanish nurse was on and I called to see if she could get mum to come downstairs, but she was tired and sleepy and didn't want to move. The nurse told mum 'Simon's here' apparently mum said she hasn't got a car and can't go and went back to sleep. Mum has now stepped down to a wheelchair, which she likely meant to say instead of car -but who knows, she might have been dreaming??
The nurse came down and spoke with me for a good ten mins and let me know how things are. So much better than a telephone call. Mum is comfortable but very sleepy with her pain meds, but when she does waken she is fine and gets on with it. The nurse said mum still makes her bed and tidys her room and she is very particular -Oh yes I said, thats mum a very strong lady, very determined that things are done 'properly' and she helps with the teas and washing up when she has some energy (god help the carers). So it seems that mum is content and in the scheme of things in a good place for now, as far as she can be.
That is so good to hear @Palerider. It sounds like you found the right pace for her after the previous home.
Take good care of yourself too.
Take good care of yourself too.
Oh thats much better news, Simon.
I hope you are reassured now
Sometimes its worse when you know too much
xx
I hope you are reassured now
Sometimes its worse when you know too much
xx
Thanks everyone. I'm off to work soon and will stop off to pick some goodies up on the way for mum as she is running low on her chocolate as well as groceries for myself. I'll deliver them tomorrow along with her talking card which now has a picture of a horse stuck on the front (she loves horses). I'm hoping she might be a bit more energitic on Sunday and come downstairs for 10 mins to say hello from the downstairs lounge. Its all I can do, its all any of us can do at the mo...
The clouds are grey and its darker than usual so not the usual bright sunny drive this morning
The clouds are grey and its darker than usual so not the usual bright sunny drive this morning
Well I took my parcel in for mum and was feeling a little more positive today. Her nurse managed to persuade mum into a wheelchair (a new change) to come downstairs and say hello, remembering the last time I saw mum properly was some two months ago. Finally she appeared in the wheelchair wrapped up on a big fluffy overthrow and she came outside. I sat two meters from her and was just utterly shocked. I have never shown my emotions in front of mum as a general rule, but today I just cried. She looked haggered and worn down by the Alzheimer's which has tightened its grip, she was very frail, thin and for a moment I thought it was the wrong person. I was only distantly familiar to her and she didn't seem to connect as she had before, it seems not being there with lockdown has taken its toll finally.
I showed her the chocolate and her eyes lit up and she commented, but she complained she was cold so I didn't keep her out to long. I was going to take a photo, but in the end decided that mum wouldn't want that, she wouldn't want the last of her remembered in a picture that way, so I waived goodbye and as she went she said 'come home Simon' . A bad day. Even though I know things will get worse it still threw me seeing her today, its a long rocky path to walk indeed....
I showed her the chocolate and her eyes lit up and she commented, but she complained she was cold so I didn't keep her out to long. I was going to take a photo, but in the end decided that mum wouldn't want that, she wouldn't want the last of her remembered in a picture that way, so I waived goodbye and as she went she said 'come home Simon' . A bad day. Even though I know things will get worse it still threw me seeing her today, its a long rocky path to walk indeed....
Im so sorry. When you cant see them often the changes hit you
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I'm so saddened to hear that @Palerider, it must be shocking to see such a drastic change. I feel for you and your Mum too. Stay strong.
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