Worried how hubby and mum will cope while I'm out

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by annielou, Dec 5, 2019.

  1. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    166
    Female
    well done. i am so pleased you did it....would be nice if its the start of a regular thing ;)
     
  2. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,680
    Scotland
    #22 reedysue, Dec 5, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2019
    I'm still not used to the feeling of freedom as I drive away leaving mum in OH's care for a few hours.
     
  3. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    407
    Thanks @silver'lantern @reedysue for your replies xx
    I get that reedysue, I had ten minutes before my appointment so popped in card shop and I looked round for mum a few times. It felt odd not having her with me.
    It would be nice if could be a regular thing, not sure if ever will be though, but I have told mum if she won't go to day centre then we'll have to try a carer coming for few hours once or twice a week so I can have bit of a break. Carer support worker who came the other day suggested if I got mum to go to day centre or carer to sit with her for few hours to try to use time to do something for me like having nails done instead of going home to clean my house as I'd said. She said I'd get more benefit from it that way.
     
  4. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,779
    @annielou you are sounding a lot like me. I mostly look after dad and my husband helps but we are rarely together these days and although I appreciate my husbands help I know that this is not a good thing in the long run. It's sometimes me looking after dad for a week or more and then my husband helps me out for a couple of nights. I don't want him to do too much because he is now over 70 years old and it does not seem fair but at the same time I do need a break.

    In between my brother will do a few nights giving us a few nights respite in our own home and I am very grateful for this and if we did not get this bit of help I don't think we would survive.

    Your husband sounds wonderful, just like mine but it must be very hard for them. I cannot imagine that I would ever have helped my husband look after his mum as she was a selfish old bat unlike my dad who is a complete sweetie even with dementia and I know I have it easier than most but I still need a break.

    Have you not got any other siblings who could help out occasionally because it really does make a difference. My brother really took his time before he showed any recognition that dad and also I needed help. It was late coming but I think that if I had not had this bit of help then dad would have been in a care home long ago or I would have had a breakdown at least.

    I have set myself a small goal and that is too keep dad in his own home for his 90th birthday which is 4 months away now. If I can do that then I have done well but it will only be possible with the help of my husband and my brother.

    I am glad that you got your nails done, I am really looking forward to my haircut tomorrow and the head massage.

    It's amazing how easily pleased we are by these little things that others just routinely take for granted. I am just looking forward to some chit chat in the hairdressers. I don't get a lot of that, I may even have a coffee this time.
     
  5. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    407
    @Duggies-girl i have a sister but she lives 3&1/2 hours drive away, so can't be here often but she has been down and stayed with mum for a couple of nights about 3 weeks ago and about 3 weeks before that and hopefully is coming for 3 nights next weekend which is good of her.
    I still saw her and mum in day while sis was here but I did get to sleep at home a couple of nights which was great. Although I did spend most of the time looking up things, or reading things about dementia and the few hours in the morning before I saw them I spent cleaning and washing etc so not exactly a rest but still appreciated.
    Hubby and I see each other more or less every day for a few hours, more at weekend, but its with mum there, we don't get time alone, apart from when sis stayed. Which we both find hard as hubby goes back to our house alone while I sleep at mums. We've not spent many nights apart in 27 years we've been married and we used to spend most of our time together and now hubby is alone on a night. Yesterday was first time hubby had been on own with mum for more than a few minutes and I wouldn't like to ask him to do it often but he has said he would do it again while I go back to hairdressers which is nice.
    Today has been a really hard one with mum so I'm glad I got a bit of break yesterday, though it does seem a long time since now.
    I'm glad your brother is helping and giving you and hubby a little break together at times because its important to be able to spend time together isn't it.
    Hope you enjoyed the head massage and hair cut today with a nice chat too.
     
  6. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,779
    @annielou Thanks I had a lovely time at the hairdressers today and the head massage was lovely. I shall try to go more often instead of once every six months. It's sad isn't it when a trip to the hairdresser is like a day out but it is. I get to go home on Sunday for a couple of nights and I will see my lovely son. He is all grown up but still lives with us and I love having him at home, we might all have a Chinese takeaway for the evening. I will treat us all out of what is left of my carers allowance. It will be worth it.

    Glad to hear that your sister helps out when she can.
     
  7. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    407
    Thats great to hear x Enjoy time with your son and your takeaway,
    You deserve it x
     

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