Worried about my mums cognition

[Bmo37]

Hi, just wanting a vent and possibly peoples thoughts on my situation with my mum.
I first worried about her cognition in 2019 - she’s always been a massive bookworm and abruptly one day just seemed to stop reading. I figured she’d pick it back up, but she never has and when I’ve asked, she’s never been able to say why she won’t read.
I flagged concerns up to her doctor, but I suspected she needed a hip replacement and did inform the doctor if she was in pain, this may affect her cognition. She agree to see the gp, sure enough she needed a hip replacement which was sorted, the gp asked some basic cognition questions, but there were no further concerns at the time.
Just lately my concerns have escalated. She’s increasingly finding it difficulty to time cooking meals - she’s served me chicken before now that’s been pink in the middle and undercooked potatoes etc. it doesn’t happen all the time but it becoming more frequent.
She’s often forgetting words - she pauses a lot in conversation and has lost verbal fluency due to trying to find the right words and a lot of conversations with her have become a guessing game. I’d say this has been more prominent in the last year.
She’s always been really green fingered and she recently killer her spider plant - she’d been watering it daily and it was saturated, had root rot and died, which is really unlike her.
I saw her once looking at a ruler and asked if she was ok - she said she was trying to find 80cm. I tried explaining rulers are only 30cm long and she couldn’t quite grasp what I was saying - she also said she couldn’t find cm, only mm and I had to explain 10 mm makes up a cm. For context, she used to work in book keeping and this is unlike her.
Things came to a head today when we went shopping - we had 3 bags, 2 of which I put in the car and while I was doing that mum went and put the trolley back. We got home, discovered the 3rd bag was missing and had to go back for it. When asked, she couldn’t remember what she had done with the bag. I tried gently asking mum if she has any worries and she really got angry and snapped at me, saying she knows I think she has Alzheimer’s, and I’m starting to annoy her and she just had a massive go at me. I tried gently explaining it may be she has an infection but she’s so upset she’s just not hearing me and won’t agree to blood tests or to see a gp. I have a friend who’s a nurse who’s willing to do a private set of bloods checking for inflammatory markers and everything that affects cognition but she won’t.
For context, she’s also had throat cancer (now clear) in 2020 and she has AF and diabetes and hyperthyroidism. All of these things are under control with medication and she has regular checks. I live with her, I have a brother but he lives up north, miles away. I work for the nhs so have lots of colleagues I lean on for support but I don’t know what to do next. I’m on my own, mums sisters are elderly and poorly themselves, my parents are divorced and my dads just had cancer treatment, a diagnosis of MCI and COPD and his wife has FTD so it’s unfair of me to lay this on him.

If anyone is able to give me any advice I’d really appreciate it. Sorry for such a rambling message. I just feel a bit alone and at the end of my tether

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Bmo37. I’m sorry you feel so alone. Hopefully you will feel more supported now that you have found the forum.

That’s a very difficult situation you find yourself in with your mum. Is there any chance her GP would call her in for a ‘routine’ well woman test - without dementia concerns being mentioned? Perhaps you could list your concerns about your mum and send a letter or email to the GP expressing how worried you are about her. Your mum might respond to this kind of approach. I think other members may have used it successfully.

This may be of interest -

How to offer help to someone with dementia who doesn’t want it

Do you know a person with dementia or memory problems who is refusing offers of help? Here are a few ways to support someone who may be in denial or lack insight about their situation.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Dunroamin]

As a PWD I agree about the spatial awareness. I too use a stick now and it helps keep me grounded. My OH walking in front of me gives me a reference point, although it annoys him. Walking into shops/bars etc I need him in front of me for the same reason. I can still swim but use the 'blue badge' lane and am guided by the underwater pool lane markings which keep me in a straight line (I swim with my head down obviously) Without them I would be a danger to other swimmers and soon become unpopular. A big problem is children running around me often causing wobbles and the odd fall.

 

[Katherine86]

Hi, just wanting a vent and possibly peoples thoughts on my situation with my mum.
I first worried about her cognition in 2019 - she’s always been a massive bookworm and abruptly one day just seemed to stop reading. I figured she’d pick it back up, but she never has and when I’ve asked, she’s never been able to say why she won’t read.
I flagged concerns up to her doctor, but I suspected she needed a hip replacement and did inform the doctor if she was in pain, this may affect her cognition. She agree to see the gp, sure enough she needed a hip replacement which was sorted, the gp asked some basic cognition questions, but there were no further concerns at the time.
Just lately my concerns have escalated. She’s increasingly finding it difficulty to time cooking meals - she’s served me chicken before now that’s been pink in the middle and undercooked potatoes etc. it doesn’t happen all the time but it becoming more frequent.
She’s often forgetting words - she pauses a lot in conversation and has lost verbal fluency due to trying to find the right words and a lot of conversations with her have become a guessing game. I’d say this has been more prominent in the last year.
She’s always been really green fingered and she recently killer her spider plant - she’d been watering it daily and it was saturated, had root rot and died, which is really unlike her.
I saw her once looking at a ruler and asked if she was ok - she said she was trying to find 80cm. I tried explaining rulers are only 30cm long and she couldn’t quite grasp what I was saying - she also said she couldn’t find cm, only mm and I had to explain 10 mm makes up a cm. For context, she used to work in book keeping and this is unlike her.
Things came to a head today when we went shopping - we had 3 bags, 2 of which I put in the car and while I was doing that mum went and put the trolley back. We got home, discovered the 3rd bag was missing and had to go back for it. When asked, she couldn’t remember what she had done with the bag. I tried gently asking mum if she has any worries and she really got angry and snapped at me, saying she knows I think she has Alzheimer’s, and I’m starting to annoy her and she just had a massive go at me. I tried gently explaining it may be she has an infection but she’s so upset she’s just not hearing me and won’t agree to blood tests or to see a gp. I have a friend who’s a nurse who’s willing to do a private set of bloods checking for inflammatory markers and everything that affects cognition but she won’t.
For context, she’s also had throat cancer (now clear) in 2020 and she has AF and diabetes and hyperthyroidism. All of these things are under control with medication and she has regular checks. I live with her, I have a brother but he lives up north, miles away. I work for the nhs so have lots of colleagues I lean on for support but I don’t know what to do next. I’m on my own, mums sisters are elderly and poorly themselves, my parents are divorced and my dads just had cancer treatment, a diagnosis of MCI and COPD and his wife has FTD so it’s unfair of me to lay this on him.

If anyone is able to give me any advice I’d really appreciate it. Sorry for such a rambling message. I just feel a bit alone and at the end of my tether

Hi,

I am new here but I have been having similar issues with my own mum. I raised concerns with my parents about mum slowing down a number of years ago. My mum had a job with lots of responsibility but since retirement around ten years ago she hasn't kept herself as mentally active as my Dad or that's how it seemed. My parents were always together and as I live alone I hadn't really noticed just how much mums cognition had deteriorated, despite seeing my parents everyday.

My Dad unexpectedly died last November shortly after a cancer diagnosis and since then I have been extremely concerned about my mums cognition and lack of interest in daily tasks that she used to enjoy. My brother lives abroad and my parents and I were incredibly close. To provide support, my mum temporarily moved in with me but it soon became apparent that she needs far more help than I ever realised. My parents were married for 50 years and initially I thought I would be able to help her develop her skills (Dad did all admin and finances etc) but it became apparent something much more than grief was going on too.

My brother and I asked her to speak to the GP and she was incredibly resistant. After months of trying to persuade her and the stress it was causing she agreed. The GP was involved in Dad's end of life care and at first suggested it was a grief reaction but it is evident that it is much more than that. GP said depression can mimic cognitive impairment and for my mum to take medication for five weeks and then she would look at any cognitive concerns. The GP also booked her an appointment to see the mental health nurse. My mum wouldn't take the medications and In the weeks that followed she was acting strangely and following me around and didn't want to be on her own. She also appeared to be paranoid. It came to a head on a Saturday when she was acting oddly and was confused and I called out of hours GP.

The out of hours GP arranged for a nurse to come to the house who assessed her and took bloods and urine sample to test if there was another cause for the confusion (all clear). I was referred to social services who then sent a letter to the GP with my concerns in it. The mental health nurse had a copy of the letter at the appointment and referred us to the memory clinic.

The memory clinic sent a nurse out to assess my mum who did the cognitive screening tests and she has since had an ECG. The nurse told my mum it was vital she takes the medication (she wasn't sleeping well which was making cognition worse) and she has taken it since then. We were told the case will be presented to psychiatrist and she would likely have brain scan and we are due to hear back about their thoughts at the end of the month.

Things escalated pretty quickly over a number of months. Mum was very resistant to speaking with the GP but when I tried to speak to the GP I was told I needed her consent. You may be able to pass on your concerns to your mum's GP if you say that you are concerned about her memory? The GPs input wasn't great, possibly she was too certain it was grief as we lost my father so suddenly which was traumatic. My mum has been much better since taking the medication but it seemed to sadly reach a crisis point almost before things started moving. My mum has no history of mental health issues and I am sadly certain that there is a cognitive issue. There is a reluctance from the person to accept that there may be a cognitive issue and it seems to be common to be met with resistance. I hope you can find a way to get your mum to co-operate with being assessed without things deteriorating and it affecting your wellbeing too. It has taken a massive toll on me and it's very draining.

Take care,