My mum is in denial how can I get her to see her GP?

TraceA

New member
Apr 8, 2024
3
0
Hello, My mother is 86, I am her only carer. I have a brother but he refuses to engage with caring for her. She has a long history of mental health problems , paranoia and severe anxiety, she’s never had a formal diagnosis but this is what her GP told me.
Last May I took her to see her GP as I was worried about her memory. She failed a fairly intensive memory test by the GP and after having some bloods done she was referred to the memory clinic.
However when the appointment letters were sent to her at home she cancelled the appointments and destroyed the letters. The GP said there was nothing we could do but wait for things to deteriorate to the point social services needed to be involved and that if it impacted on my own mental health, which it has I should walk away. I can’t do that!
Almost a year on I am noticing a further deteriation in her memory. She can’t remember the names of her neighbours she known sixty years, or the name of local streets. Recently I needed her to sign some legal paper work and she simply could not grasp what I needed her to do, and would ring me repeatedly to ask again what to do.
I have asked her to come back to the GP, told her I love her and am concerned that I’m noticing her memory is getting worse. She refuses to go to the GP, told me she will tell me when she needs to go. When asked if she has noticed her memory getting worse she says it’s because she’s tired or that I make her nervous. Her GP won’t do a home visit and the local mental health team say they can’t visit without her consent and without up to date bloods they can’t refer her to the memory clinic.
I’m sure this is not a unique situation and wondered what other people have found successful in these circumstances?
Thanks,
Tracey
 

Spottydog

Registered User
Dec 8, 2023
195
0
I guess I would say to think ahead past any formal diagnosis to what help it is that you need in order to care for her day to day. If you were to win the battle to get your mum to the memory clinic it sounds unlikely she would accept any diagnosis, so I guess my question is what help do you need in caring for your mum regardless of diagnosis ? If you do want to get her in front of the GP it's probably best to send them all your concerns about her latest deterioration and ask them if they could call her in for an 'annual check up' and get some blood tests etc.
 

ChaceSoto

Registered User
Apr 2, 2024
33
0
My family faced a similar situation. It is important to continue to support your mother and look for ways to help her, even if she does not realize the need for medical help. It is worth contacting other professionals or organizations such as your local health service or dementia association for further advice and support.
 

JoannePat

Registered User
Jan 24, 2019
226
0
Hi, I agree with @Spottydog. Try contacting her GP by email and expressing your concerns, then tell your mum that you have received a call for an over 85 check up. I also think you would benefit from a local support group, which (normally) you and your mum can go to.

I have been to our local group with my dad this morning. It is good for him and a real benefit for me. All the carers get together and catch up with how our week has been etc. We are also supported by an amazing medic and trained volunteers.

Good luck and keep us updated,

Jxx
 

TraceA

New member
Apr 8, 2024
3
0
I guess I would say to think ahead past any formal diagnosis to what help it is that you need in order to care for her day to day. If you were to win the battle to get your mum to the memory clinic it sounds unlikely she would accept any diagnosis, so I guess my question is what help do you need in caring for your mum regardless of diagnosis ? If you do want to get her in front of the GP it's probably best to send them all your concerns about her latest deterioration and ask them if they could call her in for an 'annual check up' and get some blood tests etc.
Thank you I’m not sure what help I need other than what I am now finding here, the advice on what to say an what not to say has been helpful. She went for an annual check up in August but I could try and get her to go for a follow up from last May. Thanks for replying.
 

TraceA

New member
Apr 8, 2024
3
0
My family faced a similar situation. It is important to continue to support your mother and look for ways to help her, even if she does not realize the need for medical help. It is worth contacting other professionals or organizations such as your local health service or dementia association for further advice and support.
Thank you Ill try and find out who the local dementia service are.