Will care home call me over everything my dad does ‘wrong’?

[SMBeach]

Hello.
So it’s over 2 weeks now since dad went into the care home. Nurses have called me a couple of times to tell me how dad has settled in and ask any questions they have regarding his health. This has been appreciated. However, yesterday around 5pm i got a call to tell me dad had gone into his female neighbours room. No harm was done, neither the female or dad remember doing it I’m told. Nurse said dad’s clothes were soaked from urine and he was removing his trousers in front of her. Nurse tells me he wasn’t exposing himself as still had boxers on. I asked if his photo had been put in the front of his door to help him find his room and I was told no but they might do that. It was promised 2 weeks ago that it would be done! I didn’t think to ask but wish I had as to why his clothes were soaked? He’s in their care after all and meant to be checked if he wants it needs to go to the loo. However, I do know I’ve asked dad if he needs to go to the loo and he’s said no then within seconds he’s holding himself saying he needs to go to the loo, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.
But what really got to me is the nurse saying he wasn’t exposing himself. Like it was expected or if he had that it would be treated differently. They said he was clearly just trying to get his wet clothes off to get changed into dry clothes and of course, they still haven’t put labels in his wardrobe to let him know where to find his clothes. Apparently the labels in the post haven’t arrived yet after 2 weeks. Nobody has thought just to print some off and laminate them which I’ve now done and will send to the maintenance man asking him to put up for dad.
However, I still couldn’t shake the statement that dad hadn’t exposed himself or as to why they felt a need to call me and tell me he’d gone into the wrong room. I dint understand the purpose of that call. Dad has Alzheimer’s. He will get lost and feel lost. He will get confused between the identical rooms especially if there’s little signage to help him find it. Why they needed to call and tell me just made me feel like I did when my children were in school and I’d get calls over nothing basically. Just to let me know. As for dad not being naked, even if he had been naked, he was just trying to remove wet clothes.

 

[canary]

Its a backside covering exercise @SMBeach
If he were exposing himself then it would become a safeguarding case. They are probably reporting it just in case there is any comeback, so they are having to tell you too
I honestly wouldnt worry

 

[Canna]

It may be that the care home want to make sure that you don't worry about what they are about to say - "Don't worry about this. We are not worried about it, but we need to tell you that..."

The home needs to keep you informed, but they also know that relatives often assume the worst when they get a call from them (I know I'm always expecting to hear that mum has had a fall or is unwell). So calls to me always start off "Hello, this is Mary at the Care Home. Nothing to worry about, but just to let you know that..."

They will probably want to tell you what's happened in case you hear it indirectly (for example if you and the family of the other lady both lived locally and happened to know each other). It's good that they are keeping you informed, and a phone call like this is a good opportunity to build up a relationship with the home.

With regard to the labels, things move quite slowly in care-home time - I'd guess that they are getting to know your dad for themselves, giving him space to settle and assessing his changing needs now that he's in the home.

 

[SMBeach]

Thanks folks. I’m feeling better now as I had a nice chat with dad on the phone. He was happy although very mixed up. I didn’t mention the event to him of course. But I also got a phone call to tell me dad’s mobile phone arrived and it’s all been set up for dad. His photo is now on his door and the other signage is up. The nurse said that she labelled the drawers according to what was in them already but dad said oh no the socks are in this drawer. He’d moved them to another drawer so the nurse swapped her labels over to where he’d moved his clothing. lol. She also told me his date for his hospital scan came through for early January so I was very happy to hear that. And I got dad moved to a dentist right across the street from the home and appointment set up for there. It feels like everything is pulling together now. I just hope dad can use his phone now! I removed all the apps not needed and moved all the remaining apps to another screen so he doesn’t see/mess around with them and left just his contacts on the screen. So in theory he should just be able to tap and call. I’ve noticed though that dad has to be told to hold the phine to his ear so I’m not expecting it to be smooth sailing.