My dad had a chat today and it felt eerie

CelticGizmo

New member
May 27, 2024
2
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I wouldn't normally seek such advice by my dad had a chat with me this morning when I went to see him at his nursing home and it felt like he was asking permission to pass away.

He has never been one to discuss any sort of future planning but today he asked me to promise him that I would look after my mum.

He also asked me to make sure a DNR was in his records and to make sure I knew where his will was.

He said that he needed to know that I was going to be there for her as he feels like all he wants to do is sleep.

Weirdly after the reassurances his shoulders dropped and he smiled and said the weight had been lifted from him.

He then asked for me to get my mum to go round and see him

It felt like he was planning for the end and wanting to see us both one by one to see us one last time.

Is this normal or is it his way of trying to tell me something?
 

Jools1402

Registered User
Jan 13, 2024
206
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Hello and welcome. That must have shaken you up a lot. I don't know what sort of stage your Dad is at or whether he has any other health issues. Could it be that he realises something is wrong (his dementia), can't quite put his finger on it and is feeling anxious - has then misinterpreted it as him dying. Or perhaps he had a moment of lucidity when he knew it was his job to make sure your Mum will be looked after. Who knows what goes through the minds of PWD. Hopefully this will just be a one-off conversation.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
Welcome @CelticGizmo

I don’t know if it`s normal but I think it`s wonderful. Whatever your dad was like before as far as discussing personal feelings , his inhibitions have eased with dementia and he was able to open his heart to you.

My husband was a bit like that. As his dementia progressed his paranoia and inhibitions eased and he was able to show his feelings more easily.

You know without doubt what your dad wants and what he expects from you , dementia or not. It`s amazing how flashes of insight can appear when they are least expected.

Your dad will have peace of mind now.
 

CelticGizmo

New member
May 27, 2024
2
0
Yeah it felt like it was him trying to make peace before the end to be honest. They reckon he has vascular dementia but can't give a diagnosis as he has brain damage from an unwitnessed fall in the hospital that resulted in a fractured skull subdural heomotoma and subarachnoid heammorage. He also falls every six to eight weeks.

Hopefully it was just a lucid moment that gave him some clarity on his mortality.

Did rock me after I got home and sat down but a strange feeling of calm also came over me thinking of this is it he's going to go peacefully and happy.

Either way he's at peace with himself and that makes me happy for him after all he's being enduring.