Losing my Patience

[SJL17]

Mum has dementia and is in a lovely care home. Dad visits most days as he’s only 5 minutes away, but he’s been ill with a chest I rection so hasn’t been to see Mum. I visited Mum yesterday after taking Dad to the doctors to explain where he was. It’s easier face to face and one the phone. But she was so nasty, saying the Dad was making his illness up as an excuse not to visit, and that she hates me and the staff are stealing from her and lying to her. She was so, so nasty and spiteful.

I decided to call in on Mum again today, as one day she can be nasty and the next day perfectly fine, but she was still determined to be horrible. I left her after about 10 minutes. Had a cup of coffee with the staff and then went home. She has asked the care home to call so she can speak to me but I declined. I just need a break.

Between Mum being like this, and Dad being unwell and constantly emailing with things that are wrong, I’m feeling totally broken and just need some time out.

Of course, I’m now feeling guilty, about walking out on Mum and then for not taking her call. Probably neither of which she remembers anyway. I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep for a week.

 

[Collywobbles]

Probably neither of which she remembers anyway.

I think this is the key. If your Mum is like my Granny, she won’t remember any visits, whether she’s seen you today, yesterday or last week, and won’t remember having tried to phone you. We found that we were visiting for our own peace of mind - the visits made not a jot of difference to Gran.

I suspect your perceptions are very different to your Mum’s. As you’re confident that she’s getting good care where she is, why not try taking a “holiday” from visiting for a week, and seeing whether it makes any difference to her wellbeing? If nothing else, you’ll get a rest. From that worry, at least. The care home will phone you if there’s anything you need to know,

 

[Jools1402]

Good advice from Collywobbles. Give the visiting a miss for a little while and if you're feeling tired you don't have to read or answer Dad's emails either - pretend your phone is not working properly. You have to factor in taking care of yourself as well. Hope your Dad is better soon.

 

[Carmela]

Mum has dementia and is in a lovely care home. Dad visits most days as he’s only 5 minutes away, but he’s been ill with a chest I rection so hasn’t been to see Mum. I visited Mum yesterday after taking Dad to the doctors to explain where he was. It’s easier face to face and one the phone. But she was so nasty, saying the Dad was making his illness up as an excuse not to visit, and that she hates me and the staff are stealing from her and lying to her. She was so, so nasty and spiteful.

I decided to call in on Mum again today, as one day she can be nasty and the next day perfectly fine, but she was still determined to be horrible. I left her after about 10 minutes. Had a cup of coffee with the staff and then went home. She has asked the care home to call so she can speak to me but I declined. I just need a break.

Between Mum being like this, and Dad being unwell and constantly emailing with things that are wrong, I’m feeling totally broken and just need some time out.

Of course, I’m now feeling guilty, about walking out on Mum and then for not taking her call. Probably neither of which she remembers anyway. I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep for a week.

I'm New to this site and yours is the first post I've read. And tears are filling my eyes because I so relate to the crazy making nastiness, and feeling guilty when I take steps to take care of myself.