why does dementia cause such a sad, hopeless mood??

[zeeeb]

Yes, some people are ok with it, and that is awesome, the best possible outcome.

My grandmother inlaw is turning 97 this year, she has had alzheimers for longer than i have known her, probably 15-20 years. She is a happy person, she used to be hilarious with her same handful of jokes over and over again.

She'd come to the family do's and have a few shandies and reel off all her jokes, she had such a quick wit.

She's comfortable within her illness, doesn't get phased by her inabilities and just carries on in her own funny way. It's awesome. I wish it were the same for everyone, but, unfortunately, many are just tortured by it.

Although she did go through phases earlier on where she was aggressive and her husband refused to medicate her, so that was tough for him. Now her meds are stabilised, she's pretty cruisy.

 

[snoggy1one]

I read your post and it got me thinking about my mum. She has always had a very awkward and difficult personality. She has always been anti social, critical, jealous and stubborn. She would never apologise for anything or to anyone and would hold out till everyone gave in and gave up. My late father worshipped her but she always got her own way.

Since having AD I have seen the negative parts of her personality become more exaggerated. Some times mum is so stubborn and there is no persuading her no matter what the consequences are and she sees the black side of everything.

I have exhausted myself trying to please her, as nothing does. Years ago, I would take her on little holidays, but, nowhere was good enough, and not much impressed her. I have tried to make mum happy and make up for the loss of my dad, by trying to be her friend and a supportive daughter, but, it gets me nowhere most of the time. With mums negative personality I always am fighting a losing battle and do get sucked into mums misery and constant low moods.

It is very hard to pick yourself up and not be dragged into depression yourself. I have good and bad days, and have to try and rise above the awful spiral of destruction that this disease can easily drag you into if you let it.

I suppose its hard when you have AD because there isn't much nice to look forward to, so why wouldn't a suffer be completely down and cheesed off ??? but, life is a battle in many ways for all people in different walks of life.

Just take one day at a time and try not to expect too much. Keep your chin and keep smiling.... you never know it could be contagious .xxxx

 

[Vesnina]

... Keep your chin and keep smiling.... you never know it could be contagious .xxxx

 

[Rageddy Anne]

We watch a lot of old TV comedies. It helps.

 

[Groovy]

Sue, that would be a very interesting thread, I hope you start it.
For a few years after mum first had AD I could still make her laugh, so that was what I concentrated on. Now it is rare. The last thing she laughed at was in May, when I said I hope this family get together is better than last with the cat keeling over dead in the middle of it. (and that wasn't meant to be funny)

My Mum has vascular dementia, her short term memory is virtually gone, but she remembers things from years ago, so I made her a photo album of people and places from that era, and she loves looking at it. She always had a very good sense of humour and that still shines through every now and again. She also has several soft toys on her bed (she is no longer mobile) which she likes to hold.

 

[Vesnina]

... a photo album of people and places from that era, and she loves looking at it...

My mother always arranged photographs of all of us and filled many albums.
The most important is the small one she keeps in her little bag,
and carries with her everywhere.
Even now when she cannot see anymore,
she can explain who is in a photograph and she tells whole stories
on those people, events... times...

This album is now the most important thing she owns,
and makes her feel safe and calm.

 

[peakland]

I think Keniadog is right.....it brings out their true personalities. My father is incredibly negative, bitter about everything in life and can be quite volatile. I'm having a day off from visiting....I'm completely drained and can feel myself falling into the depths of depression dealing with this...... thank god for my animals !! Off to take the dogs a walk.....nothing negative or criticizing about them just wagging tails

 

[Grannie G]

We watch a lot of old TV comedies. It helps.

Reading this reminded me how much my husband enjoyed DVDs of Dads Army and Only fools and horses. They were a godsend. They provided laughter when he was sad.

 

[creativesarah]

I take anti depressants 2 types and I am grateful that they work

Can I recommend "Creating Moments of Joy" by Jolene Brackey

its full of useful ideas how to make the world a better place for people with dementia

Losing your independance is sooooooooooooooooooooo frustrating I can;t drive anymore so I cant do what I want when I like I have to fit in with the kindness of people who take me out or on a good day I risk the bus

I keep a joke book by my bed and read them if i am feeling down mostly I havnt remembered them from a previous time so they are fresh!!!

 

[Saffie]

We watch a lot of old TV comedies. It helps.

I have taken these into the nursing home for my husband but he is not alert enough to understand them at all. The only thing that seems to help now is music, and even so, he usually seems to sleep through that. I do wish I could know what he is feeling, he seems so very sad.

 

[Varandas]

Oh dear, today's been bad here. Can't be bouncy right now. Fun out of juices.
This post is so appropriate.