why does dementia cause such a sad, hopeless mood??

[annii1]

I wonder why dementia seems to bring extreme sadness, hopelessness, wanting to die... My mum wasn't happy at home, felt she had nothing to live for as the disease progressed, despite suggestions, help, outings, all of which she used to love. Now in care home and the same. Does anyone have any insight why this seems to be the mood is it the confusion, mixture of depression, lack of serotonin?. Perhaps it depends on which part of the brain is damaged, but I feel it would be so much easier for the sufferer and family if the mood was a bit more buoyant!!

 

[sistermillicent]

I can only imagine that losing your independence, your inability to do simple things in a way that seems to have no logical progression, feeling stupid because you forget what people have told you, constantly feeling in the wrong, an underlying anger because of all this, and probably some knowledge that this is not going to go away...ever ---all these may well contribute to the low mood. Someone taking me on an outing or saying they would look after me would not do the trick if/when I have it.
I don't know about serotonin levels or chemical changes in the brain being responsible for the low mood, I imagine that those serotonin reuptake inhibitor type antidepressants have been tried and found not to be effective, otherwise I am sure they would have been suggested for my mum.

The best thing you can do if you have someone with AD in your life is to keep yourself well supported, otherwise it is hard to keep going. I hope you have that or are finding it here.

 

[Sue J]

Just typed a reply and lost it

You have hit the nail on the head sistermillicent. It is a devasting illness. I cannot account for my low mood some days it is worse than dire and the next day it can be lifted and whilst my circumstances remain the same I feel brighter. The difficulties it causes in relationships is horrible. Knowing that you can't express or that others cant understand because they still expect you to be able to do things as you once did is a real struggle. I find it distressing because I know my loved ones are distressed by the changes in me and their unexpressed fears.

Maybe I'll start a thread for sufferers asking what little thing would make a difference for you? The feeling of impotence as a carer is one I have experienced but some small tings make more of a difference than is often realised. Sorry I'm waffling, vague day.

 

[rajahh]

My husband who I would say is a pessimist by nature has only rarely shown signs of sadness about his illness.

He knows he has Alzheimers, and if anyone asks him how he is he always says with a smile, I am very well really, nothing to complain about anyway.

He has just accepted the illness, and we live with it.

Jeannette

 

[sistermillicent]

Sue, that would be a very interesting thread, I hope you start it.
For a few years after mum first had AD I could still make her laugh, so that was what I concentrated on. Now it is rare. The last thing she laughed at was in May, when I said I hope this family get together is better than last with the cat keeling over dead in the middle of it. (and that wasn't meant to be funny)

 

[jeany123]

My husband is always singing, whistling, talking, telling jokes, playing pranks, over the top really, he has forgotten that he has dementia so does not dwell on it, I don't know how long this will last the only time he was depressed was when he had just come out of a 9 week stay in hospital having a triple heart bypass and the doc put him on antidepressants, it only lasted a few weeks,

 

[Lainey 127]

I wonder why dementia seems to bring extreme sadness, hopelessness, wanting to die... My mum wasn't happy at home, felt she had nothing to live for as the disease progressed, despite suggestions, help, outings, all of which she used to love. Now in care home and the same. Does anyone have any insight why this seems to be the mood is it the confusion, mixture of depression, lack of serotonin?. Perhaps it depends on which part of the brain is damaged, but I feel it would be so much easier for the sufferer and family if the mood was a bit more buoyant!!

Hi annii,
My mother is exactly the same and it's terrible to see her go through it every day; she's been unhappy for the last six months, in a state of constant fear and anxiety. She sometimes cries all day long and often asks me to help her to die. If I try and cheer her up she tells me to leave her alone because I have no idea what it's like to be inside her head.
Her consultant tried anti-depressants but they had no effect at all. He now says he won't try anything else and that Mum doesn't really know she's unhappy, it's false feelings.
It looks like real feelings to me however transient!
You have my sympathy and support. I know it's a selfish thing to say but it makes our job as carers so much more trying. It's hard to be around someone who never smiles.

 

[Izzy]

My husband was very depressed when he got the diagnosis 12 years ago. As. time has gone on he has become less so. He has been on anti depressants since diagnosis. I think though that he has less insight now and just accepts our life as it is. That's a good thing. He is very happy and jolly normally but having said that there is sometimes a sad look about him. Some time ago I bought a light therapy box as I feel he is often a but down in the dark winter days. It hasn't really been used but I intend to use it this year to see if it helps.

I think the idea of a thread for people to say what would help them would be very useful for carers.

 

[Spamar]

Hi
When my husband was diagnosed, he just accepted it, and for the first 4-5 years was capable of presenting talks on 'how I deal with dementia'.
Over the last year he has not mentioned this once and often asks why am I here. I always assume here is 'in this house' rather than 'on this earth '. But how would you feel if you has dementia?

 

[Grannie G]

It`s testimony to the stalwarts with dementia here on TP that positive thinking can help towards living life to the full for as long as they are able .

Sadly not everyone has the strength to remain upbeat in the face of such a diagnosis.

I accept wholeheartedly the right of people with a diagnosis to be depressed and fed up . All illness can make us feel this way, not just dementia.

 

[Noorza]

I have learned a lot from this site. Yes of course I'd be depressed but I'd like to think I would want to be making memories for my son and making the best of every day on the days I could.

In the beginning my experience is that while there are difficulties life can go on pretty much as before with ever increasing needs for support, but for many the progression of the disease is slow our specialist was talking about a decade so I'd like to think there is a lot of life to be lived before I can't do the things I wanted to.

I'd hope I'd be drawing up a bucket list and working my way through that. Yes of course I'd have my bad days too. I'd also be telling my son when I get too much, don't take me in or try to care for me but he is to put me in a home and get my other affairs in order early on.

 

[Spamar]

I think the first sign of dementia of my OH was the inability to read maps 'on the go' . It became a family joke. 25 years later getting lost was one of the first definite signs of dementia . . .

 

[Vesnina]

My mother was always cheerfull and kind to all. She feared nothing.

However, with loosing her sight and strength after the operation in 2011,
she lost the ability to read, which was important, and to be independent...
She cannot live the life she had and this makes her sad.
It is difficult to adapt to always poorer life.

Several times I found her in some little sobs,
she wanted her little handbag.
I tried to reason, she was at home, nobody to touch her things...
Luckily, I gave up.
Sometimes she wants to sleep with her little handbag.
Luckily, I put its "pyjamas" on the handbag, and she hugs it...

I tried with something she could hug, some stuffed duck or something,
but this was not the point.

The point is in having her little album with the photograps of her parents and all,
with her purse and lipstick and...

Once she said: This is me.


It must bi difficult, very difficult, I think sometimes, to be left without this much of me....
All the outings, so many dear people deceised, so many activities unreachable.
Future reduced to...

What is left?

The kindness of some of us around her,
her good will and her kindness,
and her little bag.

 

[kenaidog]

why does dementia cause such a sad , hopeless mood

I think its coz the inner personality is coming out, my mother is exactly the same and she has always been a negative person. She cannot seem to grasp what is wrong with her and will not except it anyway, No matter what anyone tries its no good to her, nothing pleases her and the personality she has is coming out 100 fold. Ive seen others with it and there totallly different, happy enough in the own worlds.

 

[marianela]

Never happy my mom was never a happy person, now she is 89 and she is the un happiest

I think its coz the inner personality is coming out, my mother is exactly the same and she has always been a negative person. She cannot seem to grasp what is wrong with her and will not except it anyway, No matter what anyone tries its no good to her, nothing pleases her and the personality she has is coming out 100 fold. Ive seen others with it and there totallly different, happy enough in the own worlds.

my mom is rhe same, she is 90 and is the un happiest person I have ever met, I cannot say dementia turn her that way she was that way I think since she was born, she is livimg with me and I am like my dad. Always happy, but livimg with her is taking its toll on me I am at my end wits

 

[zeeeb]

My question is, who wouldn't be depressed when faced with Alzheimer's?

A rare few me thinks.

And once they pass a certain point in the disease, a few more might relax and not be so stressed, but it must be horribly confusing and scary when you can't follow a conversation because you forget part way through what the start of the conversation is. If you constantly don't know where you are and who are all the people surrounding you. It seems a fairly natural reaction that many people are tortured by the disease resulting in unhappiness, depression, aggression.

 

[Jaycee23]

This is a very sad thread. We think of all sorts of ways on how we can make that person with dementia a little bit happier, easier and trying to think of ways to make their life more liveable. We on the outside looking in are left in despair watching them live their miserable lives and our hearts crumble and crush and being sucked in this feeling of despair. There are no answers and we have this feeling of wanting to scream and scream and why is it happening to US!! I look around and see/read about other people living lives,miserable lives, abusive lives, painful lives and think well it could be my turn one day and try and accept that I can do nothing for my mum and while I sit here with tears to the brim which I refuse to allow to burst with the fear of them turning into niagra falls and upsetting my other half who I know is well aware of the torment that is constantly in my heart and I like many of us can do nothing. Sorry this is so painful and I just had to let it out. Sorry mum you are in pain and I can do nothing to make things better. Sorry bad day

 

[Norfolkgirl]

This is a very sad thread. We think of all sorts of ways on how we can make that person with dementia a little bit happier, easier and trying to think of ways to make their life more liveable. We on the outside looking in are left in despair watching them live their miserable lives and our hearts crumble and crush and being sucked in this feeling of despair. There are no answers and we have this feeling of wanting to scream and scream and why is it happening to US!! I look around and see/read about other people living lives,miserable lives, abusive lives, painful lives and think well it could be my turn one day and try and accept that I can do nothing for my mum and while I sit here with tears to the brim which I refuse to allow to burst with the fear of them turning into niagra falls and upsetting my other half who I know is well aware of the torment that is constantly in my heart and I like many of us can do nothing. Sorry this is so painful and I just had to let it out. Sorry mum you are in pain and I can do nothing to make things better. Sorry bad day

Oh Jaycee, I really feel for you x

 

[marsaday]

Well said Zeeb. The answer is obvious.

 

[kenaidog]

Yes of course you would be miserable , but the original poster does not say what personality her mum had before alzheimers. Some people can move on with there lives and be ok with it, and it alos would depend on the stage at which she is at, if she is half way through it, i would have thought she would not retain enough to be depressed as really can only be depressed if you can think of stuff, if you know what i mean.It may be that her personality was already like this and ist just got worse with being diagnosed.