Hi there.
Finally plucking up the courage to say hi. I've been a member of the forum for a while and find it an invaluable resource.
I've had caring responsibilities for both my parents - I'm their son. They live(d) in Nottingham, I live Berkshire/Hampshire border.
Dad was a Parkinson's sufferer and slowly developing Alzheimers; Mum was his carer. In September '22 Mum had a stroke and a further fall February '23 and has since developed Mixed Dementia.
Since then I have been coming up every Saturday and staying 4 days a week. Plus responsible for all the logistical back end responsibilites - finances, managing relationship with social services, care company, nursing home etc.
Dad had a fall in March last year and long story short ended up in a nursing home from September last year. I visited him every day I'm up here as well as supporting Mum.
Mum (85 years old) has developed significant apathy and literally doesn't move all day so her mobility has declined alot, but I've been managing it by getting carers to get her to move to kitchen to choose food at meal times plus also physio visits twice a week which is expensive at £70/visit.
She also has a very bad memory and can often not finish a sentence because she can't remember what she meant to say. She still recognises people very easily.
But her apathy is so bad, she won't ever change TV channel/volume. Or even switch the TV on or off. I have to instruct the carers down to minutae instructions eg at breakfast leave TV on ITV and volume 33 so she can watch This Morning.
If her hearing aids aren't in, she won't say, and if the battery runs out she won't say.
She eats very little and managing her weight has been a battle including use of Fortisip. But we were getting there and I managed to get her weight up from 8st 5lbs to 9st 4lbs. Although it does feel we have entered a new chapter now as she approximately 6 weeks ago, suddenly stopped eating and ate much less. For no reason.
Although it's been difficult and my life has been completely turned upside down, we had been managing with the 'structure' I had in place and were doing 'ok' in the scheme of things.
However unfortunately 5 weeks ago Dad passed away just about to turn 88 - he had become very fragile.
I thought Mum was ok - she was quite philosophical about it - 'we knew it was going to happen at some point'.
But since the funeral two weeks ago, things have deteriorated quite significantly and Mum is literally not eating. That combined with 2 days in bed last week - she didn't want to get up - has resulted in her becoming very weak to the point where she now cannot come down the stairs and often sits half way down which causes problems with getting her up again.
This is despite the physio visits.
I feel we are entering a new chapter now, and I either have to get a stairlift in, or alternatively think about a care home. One of Mum's friends is in a local nursing home and loves it. i'm thinking now Dad is no longer here (even though he hadn't been home for over a year after his fall, his passing is still psychologically huge), maybe this environment might be good for her if she is in nice place and her friend is here.
The food situation is getting very bad now, and whereas before it felt like playing a game of chess that I was winning, Mum won't even have the Fortisip now.
I'm lost now if I'm honest.
I don't know how things will manifest. I feel like I'm out of fight now with my Mum. It's gone next level. I'm preparing myself for a rapid deterioration. If things were how they were two months ago, staying at home potentially for a while would still be an option. But I'm not longer sure.
I mean if you're 85, and have lost your spouse, and you are aware of how physically and cognitively you are declining, how can you not think 'what else is there'?
Anway, if anyone has similar experiences they could share that might help. It would be appreciated.
Take care.
Finally plucking up the courage to say hi. I've been a member of the forum for a while and find it an invaluable resource.
I've had caring responsibilities for both my parents - I'm their son. They live(d) in Nottingham, I live Berkshire/Hampshire border.
Dad was a Parkinson's sufferer and slowly developing Alzheimers; Mum was his carer. In September '22 Mum had a stroke and a further fall February '23 and has since developed Mixed Dementia.
Since then I have been coming up every Saturday and staying 4 days a week. Plus responsible for all the logistical back end responsibilites - finances, managing relationship with social services, care company, nursing home etc.
Dad had a fall in March last year and long story short ended up in a nursing home from September last year. I visited him every day I'm up here as well as supporting Mum.
Mum (85 years old) has developed significant apathy and literally doesn't move all day so her mobility has declined alot, but I've been managing it by getting carers to get her to move to kitchen to choose food at meal times plus also physio visits twice a week which is expensive at £70/visit.
She also has a very bad memory and can often not finish a sentence because she can't remember what she meant to say. She still recognises people very easily.
But her apathy is so bad, she won't ever change TV channel/volume. Or even switch the TV on or off. I have to instruct the carers down to minutae instructions eg at breakfast leave TV on ITV and volume 33 so she can watch This Morning.
If her hearing aids aren't in, she won't say, and if the battery runs out she won't say.
She eats very little and managing her weight has been a battle including use of Fortisip. But we were getting there and I managed to get her weight up from 8st 5lbs to 9st 4lbs. Although it does feel we have entered a new chapter now as she approximately 6 weeks ago, suddenly stopped eating and ate much less. For no reason.
Although it's been difficult and my life has been completely turned upside down, we had been managing with the 'structure' I had in place and were doing 'ok' in the scheme of things.
However unfortunately 5 weeks ago Dad passed away just about to turn 88 - he had become very fragile.
I thought Mum was ok - she was quite philosophical about it - 'we knew it was going to happen at some point'.
But since the funeral two weeks ago, things have deteriorated quite significantly and Mum is literally not eating. That combined with 2 days in bed last week - she didn't want to get up - has resulted in her becoming very weak to the point where she now cannot come down the stairs and often sits half way down which causes problems with getting her up again.
This is despite the physio visits.
I feel we are entering a new chapter now, and I either have to get a stairlift in, or alternatively think about a care home. One of Mum's friends is in a local nursing home and loves it. i'm thinking now Dad is no longer here (even though he hadn't been home for over a year after his fall, his passing is still psychologically huge), maybe this environment might be good for her if she is in nice place and her friend is here.
The food situation is getting very bad now, and whereas before it felt like playing a game of chess that I was winning, Mum won't even have the Fortisip now.
I'm lost now if I'm honest.
I don't know how things will manifest. I feel like I'm out of fight now with my Mum. It's gone next level. I'm preparing myself for a rapid deterioration. If things were how they were two months ago, staying at home potentially for a while would still be an option. But I'm not longer sure.
I mean if you're 85, and have lost your spouse, and you are aware of how physically and cognitively you are declining, how can you not think 'what else is there'?
Anway, if anyone has similar experiences they could share that might help. It would be appreciated.
Take care.
