Who looks after the carer

[lilypat]

I have woken with a bad head cold and feel really sorry for myself. It got me thinking as a carer I need to keep well as OH needs me to be ok . We are about in the middle of our trip down the road of FTD and so I am able to go lay down for a few hours . But how will I cope when he will want me 24/7 .
I now understand why the doctors are always asking me if I am ok at our appointment.
Well I had a hot shower and gave myself a good talking to in the mirror.
Did not cure my cold but I do look a bit more human for now .

 

[marionq]

This is a worry on a number of fronts. I have carers in three mornings to help with showering and although I could manage without them I see it as a bit of security. I am happier knowing someone is checking on us both in case the day comes when I can't get out of bed or have an accident. John would not know what to do. I doubt if he could dial 999.

Since he came home from a stay in hospital I've had a fair few social workers etc get in touch to see what would help. I now have a rep from the carers agency coming next week to see what I need. Well 24/7 would just about do it since that is my working week now!

 

[Grannie G]

I now understand why the doctors are always asking me if I am ok at our appointment.

Which is why you must tell them @lilypat. You will only get help and support if you ask for it. The services are so oversubscribed carers really do need to make their needs known.

I remember being at the stage when my husband was unable to help me. It`s not a good place to be. I suggest the time has come for you to make contingency plans for the time when you might become ill and unable to meet your husband`s needs.

I hope your bad head cold clears. There is little sympathy for people with colds but I know how weak they can make a person feel.

 

[Marnie63]

In my experience only the carer looks after the carer! There is, quite rightly, a lot of focus on the PWD, but considering the impact it has on the carer, there is little support in my view. I did sometimes wonder what would have happened had I suddenly dropped dead. Mum would have probably wandered around the house like a lost child, not eating or drinking and soiling herself. It doesn't bear thinking about, but I'm sure it happens somewhere.

By the time we were having carers in three times a day, at least I knew someone would find the crisis fairly soon, if one were to happen. I also phoned a small but close group of friends regularly for support and I guess they 'cared' for me, but at a distance. And in a way the core of carers we had 'cared' for me, in a way I used them as a sounding board to offload to, as I had no one else in the house to use for that.

If you are currently sole carer, I would recommend looking into support services, care agency, social services, etc., sooner rather than later.

 

[maryjoan]

In my experience only the carer looks after the carer! There is, quite rightly, a lot of focus on the PWD, but considering the impact it has on the carer, there is little support in my view. I did sometimes wonder what would have happened had I suddenly dropped dead. Mum would have probably wandered around the house like a lost child, not eating or drinking and soiling herself. It doesn't bear thinking about, but I'm sure it happens somewhere.

By the time we were having carers in three times a day, at least I knew someone would find the crisis fairly soon, if one were to happen. I also phoned a small but close group of friends regularly for support and I guess they 'cared' for me, but at a distance. And in a way the core of carers we had 'cared' for me, in a way I used them as a sounding board to offload to, as I had no one else in the house to use for that.

If you are currently sole carer, I would recommend looking into support services, care agency, social services, etc., sooner rather than later.

Totally agree - the carer has to look after the carer, no matter how helpful close friends and family are.
Recently, my next door neighbour - in her 80's- pressed her alarm button and an ambulance car turned up in due course - but could not gain access to her house, because no one knew the number for her key safe on the wall. She has no family. The ambulance man was going to call the fire brigade to get in,when we eventually discovered the number for the key - it had taken just short on one hour - which could have been critical.

The other night, going to bed, I thought, if I had a heart attack and was able to call 999 how would they get in as my OH with dementia insists on locking everything, doors, windows etc. We don't share a room and he would not notice if I was ill - has previous for this....

I am still thinking about the answer to this problem....

 

[elvismad]

We are lucky in that a neighbour has a key - mainly as she cares for our cats during the day. Is that something you could look into @maryjoan ?

 

[clarice2]

We are lucky in that a neighbour has a key - mainly as she cares for our cats during the day. Is that something you could look into @maryjoan ?

My husband has been bed ridden for 2 years and we have Careline which provides an outside key safe and a pendant alarm. He is not able to press the alarm so I keep it next to my bed. If he is ill I can press it and if I am ill during the night it is within reach.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband has been bed ridden for 2 years and we have Careline which provides an outside key safe and a pendant alarm. He is not able to press the alarm so I keep it next to my bed. If he is ill I can press it and if I am ill during the night it is within reach.

I had a careline installed when my husband reached a worrying stage. It gives such a feeling of security knowing help is availavle at the press of a button.

 

[lilypat]

Thank you all for your replies. You have given me much to think about .my cold no doubt will run its course and in due time I will feel better .
I do at the moment work 5 mornings a week .so if I did not arrive I am sure my work colleague who is a good friend also would contact me ,she knows of my situation.
Again thank you all .talking point is a great place to get answers for the many questions.

 

[AliceA]

This thread strikes home. My own health has difficult problems, I have put an emergency plan in place to care for my husband should I suddenly be unable BUT several factors have to fall into place. This is beyond my complete control.
You could ask the local Carers Association whether there is a local scheme.
I have had a Needs Assessment for both of us, this, I hope, puts my husband on the radar, my own was partly to emphasis his needs as he could not be left at home alone. I care 24/7.
It gave me the opportunity to record the various issues, we both have.

We love our little home, it works in our favour as it is small and compact, even so I struggle.
My consultant is concerned about a condition so back to GP. It is erratic and I cannot see an easy answer,
I do not react well to medication. Trying to juggle needs is very difficult.

The Needs Assessment took a while to get, even for self finders it seems useful. When the funds run out there is a record. I was surprised that we already have a record from four years ago when my husband had 'hospital at home' when he had two weeks in hospital and was discharged too soon.

I hope your infection gets better soo, it really pulls one down.

 

[lilypat]

I have spent the day sneezing. Blowing my nose - which now is a dead ringer to Rudolph's- , and generally feeling yuck.
Everytime I try for 5 mins OH appears and says something stupid about the cold as if I am doing it on purpose..plus remarks like are we not going out ? I think I may need to put in place plans in case of any future illness

 

[AliceA]

Xxx

 

[Jackimags]

I have spent the day sneezing. Blowing my nose - which now is a dead ringer to Rudolph's- , and generally feeling yuck.
Everytime I try for 5 mins OH appears and says something stupid about the cold as if I am doing it on purpose..plus remarks like are we not going out ? I think I may need to put in place plans in case of any future illness

Sorry you are not feeling well. We all need a bit of sympathy when we don’t feel well and I can guarantee you’re not getting any. It’s something I worry about if I was not well enough to look after OH as ime sure he would not know what to do or who to ring. I have a wristband with a button I can press if I need to and it rings an emergency number. Do you have anything like that where you live

 

[Rosebush]

Since OH went into the care home I have started to worry about getting ill and not being able to contact anybody, how do I get a wristband with a button on it? and does it cost anything?

 

[Jackimags]

Since OH went into the care home I have started to worry about getting ill and not being able to contact anybody, how do I get a wristband with a button on it? and does it cost anything?

Our local council runs a system which costs about £22 a year. It’s somehow connected through the phone system and when pressed dials a number and someone answers on a loud speaker. So if I fell for example at the bottom of the garden I could press the button on the wristband and someone would answer. Thankfully not had to use it but it’s there if we needed to

 

[lilypat]

No sympathy at all .thankfully it's just a really bad cold .but as someone who is now a carer it's been a eye opener. I have made a list of all the things that have been mentioned and will be looking to get something in place

 

[Rosebush]

Our local council runs a system which costs about £22 a year. It’s somehow connected through the phone system and when pressed dials a number and someone answers on a loud speaker. So if I fell for example at the bottom of the garden I could press the button on the wristband and someone would answer. Thankfully not had to use it but it’s there if we needed to

Thank you, I will look into it on Monday

 

[lilypat]

@Jackimags how are you doing been ?
A middling sort of day here .

 

[Jackimags]

@Jackimags how are you doing been ?
A middling sort of day here .

Much better than yesterday. Felt a bit drained this morning after yesterday. Went out for lunch with OH sister and he was unsettled when we got back but settled him down with some colouring which did the trick. Our daughter rang tonight to see if we would like a run out to chatsworth in the morning for coffee and cake so looking forward to that..Are you feeling any better-hope so

 

[lilypat]

Hi all I can breath ! At least partially. Feeling better today do we ventured out fresh air and all that .plus it filled the morning .Been on our local council web site to look at wristbands and carers support .also going to ask at doctors for advice
.