Thanks
@Vitesse @Pete1 @Sarasa @Bikerbeth xxxx
It is good to be home.
Unfortunately today hasn't been as good as yesterday, mum hasn't been as calm today.
Hospital appointment was ok, not totally smooth and easy sailing but a pretty normal visit really. Because sis was staying at mums rather than me she got first hand experience of mums usual moans and questions when she's got an appointment of, why am I going, have we got an appointment, wheres my card, why are we going so early, we'll be there ages, they don't do owt anyway, what am I going for, and the ever present worry about needing the loo when she's going out, I missed half of them today as they picked me up on way so I missed the getting ready ones.
The visit itself went okish although the doctor wasn't actually there so it was just the eye test and scan but no visit with dr, they told us dr will look at the scan and test result when back and contact us if we need to go back to discuss it or they'll just sent a routine appointment if ok so we didn't find out if things the same or worse while there today.
We went back to mine afterwards and things were ok for a while and then I said I'd make lunch and went in kitchen. About ten minutes later sis came in asking if she could help and we had a little whispered chat about mum. We had been less than ten minutes when mum came in in a huff and said she might as well go home because she'd got 2 daughters here but she had been sat on her own in the room for hours and nobody was talking to her.
She put her coat and shoes on and got her bag to leave. Sis tried to tell her we hadn't been in there long and mum had been reading a magazine and not talking herself when sis had come in to help me. Of course mum was having none of it saying we'd not talked to her hardly all day, she'd come over here to see us and we just ignored, nobody had asked her to come in the kitchen, and she'd been sitting there on her own for two hours.
All nonsense, especially the bit about how long been on own because I'd looked at clock when I suggested lunch and it was just after 1/2 past 12, then we'd decided what to have and I'd said I was going to make it and when mum had come in kitchen shouting it wasn't quite 10 to 1, so less than 20 minutes in total, but of course was having none of our explanations.
We tried asking her to come and sit down and have lunch and she said she didn't want any, we told her she needed to eat to take her tablets but she said she was leaving and going home and when sis fibbed and said there were no buses she said she'd walk and knew the way. Which she doesn't and couldn't manage anyway, but according to mum she walks here often. She went into the porch and tried to leave, fortunately I keep the outside door locked and the keys in the internal door which she hadn't noticed as she went trough it, so as mum went into porch to leave I stuck the keys in my pocket so she couldn't get out. I asked her to come back in and have her lunch and sis said if you really want to go home I'll take you home after lunch. She still said no I want to go now. I told her Sis and I were having ours and she couldn't go home alone so may as well come sit down and have her lunch. After a few more attempts to leave and us saying we were having lunch first she came back in, took her coat off and sat stony faced, pouty lipped, legs crossed on the sofa.
Sis and I started eating and then after a couple of minutes started talking trying to include mum, she answered a couple of times but short and eventually started eating her sandwich, but was picking at it and making sure we noticed. To be honest sis and I looked at each other and had to stop ourselves giggling as it was so petulant sulky teenager, it was funny, upestting but funny for a moment .
When she'd almost finished I gave mum her tablets to take which I had to prompt her a couple of times to take and she rolled her eyes at me and gave me a dirty look. She seemed to be directing most of her anger at me and was answering sis more than me but eventually after a while she started talking to me more normally and a while after lunch she said 'sorry for shouting at you'.
The rest of the afternoon wasn't too bad but it did mean sis and I were a bit wary and couldn't really sneak off together for anymore chatting about things so we tried to communicate by texting with our phones on silent.
Later on I manged to do a bit of internet searching and sis sneaked off to call SS about carers and reassessment and also a care home about LA funded emi respite and top up fees under the pretext of her boyfriend calling her.
SS said will reassess mum in the next 28 days though person on phone said thinks will only offer up to 4 x 15 min visits a day. Sis asked if we could add to that with same company or use own choice of carers, she explained options and said they will explain more when assess mum too. I haven't had proper chance to discuss what was said with sis yet though.
Care home manager wasn't available until Monday to discuss fees but person on phone said they had respite places and also could offer day care and if mum was interested we could go look round and someone would come to mums home to assess her.
Sis and mum went back to mums around 5 and I called the memory team to ask I could talk to support worker about if there's anything mum could take or change medication wise to help with her agitation. Mums support worker wasn't there, which I half expected as when I rang Monday I was told she was on annual leave, but they took a message and said would ask her to ring me on Monday.
So although we haven't got very far we have at least started a bit of a ball rolling.
Hubby and I had our dinner sat at the table chatting tonight, which we haven't done for ages, although most of the chat was about mum, it still made a nice change and tonight I went with hubby on weekly visit to his parents which I have to miss now unless sis is down here on night he goes, I think I've only been twice in last three months. It was almost like old times apart from the constant thought and worry about mum in back of my mind and knowing that this is now an unusual evening for me and I'll be back to mums soon.
I messaged sis earlier to see how things were at mums and she said it had been a bit tense over making dinner and mum had asked her about 30 times if she wanted a cup of tea, but they were ok, so hopefully they'll have a calm night.
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