Thanks
@Bikerbeth x
That's really useful to know. I did wonder about the half hour before day centre visit, if carer was late, which obviously can happen, they may not get to mum before she left for day centre. Also they may not have anyone available at that time as like you say they are probably busy in a morning and also the same carer/s may not be available as in the afternoon which we'd prefer mum to have as few people as possible so she gets to know them. If that visit doesn't come off it won't be too bad as it was more an afterthought than the couple of afternoon visits and its only one morning a week.
It would probably be cheaper for mum to go to day centre than have carers at home and if mum does want to do extra days anytime we'll do it, but to be honest I'd prefer a couple of afternoon off where I can come home and stay home.
Its a bit of a faff on day centre day at moment, hubby drops me off at mums about 1/4 past 7 on his way to work, he has to set off 1/2 an hour earlier than normal to get to work on time. I give mum her tablets, check she's ready and make sure she locks up when leaves. When mum leaves on bus at 8.30 for day centre I go home on two buses which takes an hour getting home around 9.30. I have till about 2 at home and then I get 2 buses back to mums for when she's dropped off by bus around 3, hubby comes to mums after work about 6 and we have dinner together, either I cook or hubby brings in take away, then we leave to come home between 7 and 8 mainly nearer to 8.
Mum gets community transport bus to day centre but by the sound of it they only do certain areas on certain days so if mum went other days we'd have to arrange our own transport there and back. As I don't drive that would mean another day of hubby leaving early and dropping me at mums on his way to work, then me taking mum to day centre in a taxi before I went home either in the taxi, or a walk into town and then on a bus to mine and then I'd have to go back out again in afternoon to pick her up and stay at mums till evening, make dinner etc.
I don't mind doing that once a week and if mum prefers day centre to at home carer then I will do it more, but I'd really prefer a couple of afternoons off where I can go to mums in morning like I do now on non day centre days, but then come home in the afternoon and stay home while someone else stays with her in the afternoon and does her dinner, rather than have to go there and back twice in a day. Its 2 buses to mums from my house and takes an hour and I don't really want to be doing that too many more times a week as I lose quite a bit of time travelling.
I miss having dinner just me and hubby and eating things we like rather than always the same few things mum will eat. It might make trying to get jobs around house done easier too when I'm not clock watching ready to go back to mums and I might not feel as shattered in the evenings as by time we get in and settled its often 1/2 past 8 to 9 o'clock and then we feel like there's been no time to relax before bed. To have a couple of days I can be in my house before that time and hubby and I can eat the things we like would mean a lot to us.
Another reason I wonder if time with carer on an afternoon might be better than a morning/early afternoon out is because mum sundowns and tends to get more mixed up as the day wears on, she's usually has lost who I am by mid afternoon, some days like this week its even earlier, but as the day wears on she often gets more confused and anxious about it. I find it exhausting trying to keep track of who she thinks I am and what she's wanting to know, or what she thinks has happened with the statements she makes and questions she asks and its hard trying to think of the best way to react.
I think it can be quite upsetting for mum me being there when she's confused as sometimes she's aware that she has mixed me or something she has said up and then she asks more questions to try make sense of it, but she can't and she often gets more upset about it, especially the fact she didn't know I was her daughter. I might be wrong but I think maybe if a carer was there they might find it easier to distract her and she wouldn't be looking at me as a reminder that she should know me, or that she's got something wrong. Maybe she may not realise or it wouldn't matter as much so she may not get as upset about it.
Quite often around dinner time she will start talking about why hasn't our Andie been to see her or say that Our Andie said she was coming but hasn't. If I say she has she often doesn't believe me as she thinks I'm 'friend' and she has seen me all day so will say no you've been here all day haven't you you're not our Andie, but maybe if it was carer with her when she thought that and carer said I had been there then mum might just believe that and stop worrying as she would be looking at a different person than who was there earlier. When sis has been with her on an evening after I went home and she's said that to mum she has usually accepted it and not got upset or anxious and agitated about it.
I'd still be with her most afternoon/evenings but at least we'd both get a couple of afternoons without it hopefully. Or at least I'm hoping it works like that and mum is ok X