It really is a lucky dip @DesperateofDevon what a good analogy.
@Woohoo that was a great 'fib' well done and I'lll keep my fingers crossed for you next week with carer lady ?
Yesterday wasn't a good day unfortunately mum was confused and questioning for quite a lot of it. When I arrived at mums she was looking in letter rack and started asking straight away if she had left some of her stuff at the house she'd been living in with dad. She wanted to know where the blue sofa was they had there and her pension and paperwork as she could only find a letter with 1919 on which apparently proved she hadn't been in this house for a while and had been living at other house. Bless her letter was dated 2019 but throughout the day she was adamant it was 1919 despite the fact she wasn't born till 1947.
The blue sofa was long gone and been replaced by 4 more since then, her pension has only ever gone in to her bank account and she still has same account and that's where she gets her money from every week. Her important post is all filed away in a folder, now kept at my house after she told me to keep it the other day. I spent about an hour answering a multitude of questions about this with increasingly confusing reasons from mum why she was right even though her reasons didn't add up. Then she seemed to calm down and forget about it for a little while watching tv and we decided to go over to my house for the afternoon. She was ok on the way to mine apart from she kept asking why we were catching a bus because she thought she usually walked to mine and also kept asking her usual did I lock the doors and where's my keys, but they are pretty normal nowadays.
Once we got to mine and were having lunch she started again with questions about house, furniture, pension etc and that carried on for another couple of hours. She would sometimes say I'm sorry Andie I know I'm asking a lot but I just can't get it right in my head and she'd also ask me every so often if she was annoying me and apologise and ask if I still loved her, I always said I did and I know she can't help it. I did try to answer her questions as if first time she'd asked and also tried distracting her, but it didn't help and I tried to keep being patient but it did slip a bit and I got a bit grumpy. I did apologise and she said it was ok but she just couldn't stop trying to work it out and thinking about it.
She thought her and my dad had only split up a few year ago and that he'd asked her to go back and she had, this was quite a few years ago when she went back, more than ten years, which means she'd have gone back to him before she left him. Then a couple of weeks ago she had had enough and told me she was leaving dad and going to go back to her current house which she had left when she had gone back to dad, she hadn't paid rent or anything on it, had just locked it up and dad had said he'd sort it but she didn't think he had. Then after she had gone back to her house dad had died about 4 weeks ago, which means he died before she left him.
She was worried her pension was going through post to dads address and most of her furniture was there too so she needed to tell council and pension people and bank. She eventually settled down again about 3 but then about 1/4 of an hour later she said I wish our andie would get in touch I haven't seen her for weeks, so she'd forgot I was me and I'd become a friend called Andrea again.
About 5 minutes after that my sister and her boyfriend arrived and on and off for the next couple of hours while we were chatting about all sorts of other things she would ask them, you going to our andies, or have you seen our andie you ought to go see her, or does our andie know you're here.
Sis and boyfriend had come down for weekend because boyfriend was going to football today, they are staying at travelodge rather than with me to save me having to do extra beds etc and we'd agreed to keep yesterdays visit just to couple of hours as we've only met boyfriend once last summer and didn't know how mum would be with him. She was ok with him actually and didn't seem too panicky about seeing someone new which is much better than last time met him when she worked herself into a real state before they arrived. That might be down to fact we didn't tell her they were coming till just before arrived and also her sertraline might have helped with her anxiety too.
Sis and boyfriend left before dinner and mum was ok for a bit and just as I was putting out dinner she remembered me again, but after dinner she started saying she didn't know which house she was going home to and did we know where to take her and she was back to thinking had lived with dad again. When we took her home she was really quite confused about if that was where she lived. Hubby and I were due to go his mum and dads after we took mum home but she was really confused and asking questions again so I didn't want to leave her and thought she would only end up ringing me anyway so hubby went on his own.
For the next hour mum was still mixed up and upset that she was mixed up, she said Andie if I lose it completely don't try and look after me, put me in a home if there are any, it's not fair for you to try and look after me. I teared up and couldn't say anything for a moment and mum said you didn't say anything is that cos I've lost it already? I told her no you've not mum. She said but you're already looking after me oh Andie I do love you. I told her I loved her too and somehow I don't know how but I managed to not cry in front of her, just a few surreptitious eye wipes. My poor mum I felt so sad and sorry for her.
Not long after that she did stop asking as much and seemed more relaxed even though a few times she said the odd thing about where lived and dad etc but mainly she watched tv and we talked about that until just after ten when hubby came back from his mum and dads. Mum seemed ok for me to go so I came home.
This morning the DWP officer was coming to fill in appointee form for mums benefits so I rang her about an hour and half before to make sure she was up and to tell her to get ready cos he was coming and we'd be there before him. When I rang she sounded terrible and said she'd only just gone to sleep as had diarrhoea (ongoing bowel problems) in night till bout 5. I couldn't cancel visit as officer had rung at mums and not given me a number when made appointment and all the numbers we could find were monday to friday office hours. I reminded mum he was coming and said if she was up to it to just get dressed and we'd see him as he'd said he wasn't going to be there long but if she wasn't or needed loo again we'd tell him mum couldn't see him when he turned up. Luckily when we got to mums she was dressed and hadn't had go to loo anymore and when he came he was only there a few minutes anyway. It wasn't the best morning but at least that's sorted now and in a few weeks when it's processed I can now deal with benefits on mums behalf.
We stayed at mums with her today instead of taking her to supermarket and then to my house as she didn't want to risk going out in case her tummy started again. Hubby and I popped to supermarket and did shopping without her and sis came through for afternoon while boyfriend was at football. It did settle down and she had a bit of lunch and a bit of dinner and hasn't been too bad today, a bit confused but not going on about house, pension etc so much as last few days and she mainly knew who I was. Sis left to meet boyfriend after the football finished and went out for a drink and something to eat before going back to lodge and hubby and I stayed with mum till about 8 and then came home.
I feel bad we've not been very good hosts to sis and boyfriend and not made a good impression but I said to sis beforehand looking after mum comes first and I can't guarantee how weekend will go and she says boyfriend was prepared things may not go to plan and they are ok with things as they've gone. Sis is hoping mum will be ok in morning and they can go over to mums to give her her tablets and pick her up to come here for a while before they go home about lunchtime so fingers crossed that goes to plan ?
@Woohoo that was a great 'fib' well done and I'lll keep my fingers crossed for you next week with carer lady ?
Yesterday wasn't a good day unfortunately mum was confused and questioning for quite a lot of it. When I arrived at mums she was looking in letter rack and started asking straight away if she had left some of her stuff at the house she'd been living in with dad. She wanted to know where the blue sofa was they had there and her pension and paperwork as she could only find a letter with 1919 on which apparently proved she hadn't been in this house for a while and had been living at other house. Bless her letter was dated 2019 but throughout the day she was adamant it was 1919 despite the fact she wasn't born till 1947.
The blue sofa was long gone and been replaced by 4 more since then, her pension has only ever gone in to her bank account and she still has same account and that's where she gets her money from every week. Her important post is all filed away in a folder, now kept at my house after she told me to keep it the other day. I spent about an hour answering a multitude of questions about this with increasingly confusing reasons from mum why she was right even though her reasons didn't add up. Then she seemed to calm down and forget about it for a little while watching tv and we decided to go over to my house for the afternoon. She was ok on the way to mine apart from she kept asking why we were catching a bus because she thought she usually walked to mine and also kept asking her usual did I lock the doors and where's my keys, but they are pretty normal nowadays.
Once we got to mine and were having lunch she started again with questions about house, furniture, pension etc and that carried on for another couple of hours. She would sometimes say I'm sorry Andie I know I'm asking a lot but I just can't get it right in my head and she'd also ask me every so often if she was annoying me and apologise and ask if I still loved her, I always said I did and I know she can't help it. I did try to answer her questions as if first time she'd asked and also tried distracting her, but it didn't help and I tried to keep being patient but it did slip a bit and I got a bit grumpy. I did apologise and she said it was ok but she just couldn't stop trying to work it out and thinking about it.
She thought her and my dad had only split up a few year ago and that he'd asked her to go back and she had, this was quite a few years ago when she went back, more than ten years, which means she'd have gone back to him before she left him. Then a couple of weeks ago she had had enough and told me she was leaving dad and going to go back to her current house which she had left when she had gone back to dad, she hadn't paid rent or anything on it, had just locked it up and dad had said he'd sort it but she didn't think he had. Then after she had gone back to her house dad had died about 4 weeks ago, which means he died before she left him.
She was worried her pension was going through post to dads address and most of her furniture was there too so she needed to tell council and pension people and bank. She eventually settled down again about 3 but then about 1/4 of an hour later she said I wish our andie would get in touch I haven't seen her for weeks, so she'd forgot I was me and I'd become a friend called Andrea again.
About 5 minutes after that my sister and her boyfriend arrived and on and off for the next couple of hours while we were chatting about all sorts of other things she would ask them, you going to our andies, or have you seen our andie you ought to go see her, or does our andie know you're here.
Sis and boyfriend had come down for weekend because boyfriend was going to football today, they are staying at travelodge rather than with me to save me having to do extra beds etc and we'd agreed to keep yesterdays visit just to couple of hours as we've only met boyfriend once last summer and didn't know how mum would be with him. She was ok with him actually and didn't seem too panicky about seeing someone new which is much better than last time met him when she worked herself into a real state before they arrived. That might be down to fact we didn't tell her they were coming till just before arrived and also her sertraline might have helped with her anxiety too.
Sis and boyfriend left before dinner and mum was ok for a bit and just as I was putting out dinner she remembered me again, but after dinner she started saying she didn't know which house she was going home to and did we know where to take her and she was back to thinking had lived with dad again. When we took her home she was really quite confused about if that was where she lived. Hubby and I were due to go his mum and dads after we took mum home but she was really confused and asking questions again so I didn't want to leave her and thought she would only end up ringing me anyway so hubby went on his own.
For the next hour mum was still mixed up and upset that she was mixed up, she said Andie if I lose it completely don't try and look after me, put me in a home if there are any, it's not fair for you to try and look after me. I teared up and couldn't say anything for a moment and mum said you didn't say anything is that cos I've lost it already? I told her no you've not mum. She said but you're already looking after me oh Andie I do love you. I told her I loved her too and somehow I don't know how but I managed to not cry in front of her, just a few surreptitious eye wipes. My poor mum I felt so sad and sorry for her.
Not long after that she did stop asking as much and seemed more relaxed even though a few times she said the odd thing about where lived and dad etc but mainly she watched tv and we talked about that until just after ten when hubby came back from his mum and dads. Mum seemed ok for me to go so I came home.
This morning the DWP officer was coming to fill in appointee form for mums benefits so I rang her about an hour and half before to make sure she was up and to tell her to get ready cos he was coming and we'd be there before him. When I rang she sounded terrible and said she'd only just gone to sleep as had diarrhoea (ongoing bowel problems) in night till bout 5. I couldn't cancel visit as officer had rung at mums and not given me a number when made appointment and all the numbers we could find were monday to friday office hours. I reminded mum he was coming and said if she was up to it to just get dressed and we'd see him as he'd said he wasn't going to be there long but if she wasn't or needed loo again we'd tell him mum couldn't see him when he turned up. Luckily when we got to mums she was dressed and hadn't had go to loo anymore and when he came he was only there a few minutes anyway. It wasn't the best morning but at least that's sorted now and in a few weeks when it's processed I can now deal with benefits on mums behalf.
We stayed at mums with her today instead of taking her to supermarket and then to my house as she didn't want to risk going out in case her tummy started again. Hubby and I popped to supermarket and did shopping without her and sis came through for afternoon while boyfriend was at football. It did settle down and she had a bit of lunch and a bit of dinner and hasn't been too bad today, a bit confused but not going on about house, pension etc so much as last few days and she mainly knew who I was. Sis left to meet boyfriend after the football finished and went out for a drink and something to eat before going back to lodge and hubby and I stayed with mum till about 8 and then came home.
I feel bad we've not been very good hosts to sis and boyfriend and not made a good impression but I said to sis beforehand looking after mum comes first and I can't guarantee how weekend will go and she says boyfriend was prepared things may not go to plan and they are ok with things as they've gone. Sis is hoping mum will be ok in morning and they can go over to mums to give her her tablets and pick her up to come here for a while before they go home about lunchtime so fingers crossed that goes to plan ?